why busy is good

It stops me thinking about negative things...

It gives me a purpose, so at the end of the day i feel like ive achieved something...

It makes me worry less about exercise...

and gives me less opportunity to exercise!!!

It keeps me motivated...

It makes it easier to eat more...

It gives my brain (and stupidly short attention span) a mental workout...

It makes me feel happier...

All these things are good :-) Being back at work is helping me to keep busy, but i do worry that there may be subsequent negatives too. Such as being more active, getting tired, trying to do more than i should or can (over-achiever syndrome) sometimes not having enough time to eat, and also putting other things first and not prioritising myself or my health. 

There are definite pros and cons of going back to work. Im loving the feeling of being productive and "needed" again. But it is a sharp reminder that most people dont "need" to be busy in order to feel ok. Its the not being busy that im scared of...! I must try to explore why i feel like this in order to be able to progress, i cant just hide behind my job. Being half in the unit and half at work gives me extra insight into the things that may be triggering to me. The other patients are cocooned in their safety of the unit and they may not realise those things until they are discharged and then it might be too late. ive got the chance now to practice, to take tentative steps into my life again, with the continued support of the unit. i think this is a good move :-)

I have to admit tho. Altho the walking has eased (im busy, so i always feel less compelled when i have something productive to do) but im struggling to get my full MP in. Its not that im restricting... actually the opposite im GOING for the higher choices. but they are still my safe choices. and im not making up enough of the calories that i miss. Like at lunch today, i had a sandwich and crisps and a fruit, but i was STUFFED and didnt have time to wait for the full feeling to ease to have my cereal bar too. So i passed. I had my usual snack when i got home, but i find that by the end of the day, i still havent made up those calories. I have to speak with the nutritionist tomo, cos my increase last week was to upp my dinners and i havent :-s I think it was too big a leap to try and do. Maybe if i was just adding one thing to them, that would have been achieveable. but to change the whole meal was too scary and i didnt even know where to start. i might have to end up enlisting the mumatron to make my dinners, cos at the mo. I still crave what i want and therefore its very hard not to go with that. Maybe if i had a weekly menu with two options each day (like the lunch menu on the unit) i ould just have to have it. regardless... i mean when im on the unit i dont get a choice (if i did, id hardly choose gammon and pineapple WOULD i!?!?) so if i take away the choice at home too, then maybe it will be easier? 

if it needs to be said... stick it on a t-shirt!

Anyways, back on the unit and another weigh-in tomo. Its nutrition thursday tho, which always leaves me wanting to boot this ED to hell and back, so bring it on... 

ill be wearing my "kick-ass" boots

:-)