Ok, so i know i complained ALOT when it was endless rainy day after rainy day here in the UK. but seriously now, way to flip-reverse it weather gods.... this is like a freaking heatwave!!!
I love me some sunshine, but im not a massive fan of the sweat-face. Its not pretty and its sure as hell doesnt feel good! Comin from one who is not well-practised in the art of graceful perspiration :-p After all, i have spent the best part of 6years being underweight and therefore chilly. But oh nooo, this is HAWT. i am sitting in my room with all the windows open (and the door to create a "through-flow" of air!) and wearing a strappy top and shorts. I know what youre thinking: Stop, wait... WHAT?!?! shes wearing a STRAPPY TOP?!?!! Well dont worry, nobody can see me and (i hope!) theres no small children around to scare :-)
So today was hard. I had to will myself to try and eat more after the shambolic weekend. Part of me was just wishing i didnt have to, cos it was hot and i really didnt feel like cramming in food when i felt all hot, headachy and sweated up anyways. But i tried to remind myself that i get weighed tomo, my weight hasnt done much improvement over the past few weeks and it is the last week on the unit before the cycle ends and they decide if you can come back after the half term break. I KNOW i still need to be there... i was right to make the step to go back to work part-time, i couldnt have gone back fully and i couldnt have stayed full-time on the unit. But i have got to get these weekends working better. they are a serious thorn in my side at this point. Its just so hard for me to come to terms with the fact that i AM too active and that is reflecting in my lack of significant weight gain, so i know that i still need to gain/eat more and push this rest rest rest thing. I guess cos i think "well, im eating so much more now", i dont think i need to cut the exercise... i also get stuck in thinking "i eat more than the rest of the people on the unit, therefore i dont need to gain as much weight as them" WRONG. apparently i am actually one of the worst gainers there. Other people are hitting their primary targets and i havent. so while they may not NEED as much food as me. they are eating what they are told to and gaining accordingly. which despite all my best efforts and all the progress i am making.... I am not fully doing :-s
I am super worried about the upcoming week off tho. I know i only have this week to get my shit together so that i can plan/prepare/occupy myself for the week ahead. I have made some tentative plans, but i still worry that if i dont have something to do every day, i will mess up. which is silly, cos im sure some days i WILL just want to chill and do my own thing. Plus i still have all my reports to get crackalacking on, so that shud be prioritised... But somehow sitting doing marking and reports doesnt count to me (even tho i WOULD do it if i were at school...) Its that idea of empty time. Ooh its such a scary notion! It still irks/makes me chuckle that i am probs one of the FEW people who cant stand having time off. i mean i genuinely prefer being busy, cos then i dont have to think. distraction technique much?! haha. at least i admit it tho, right?! But its mad, most people love the chance to do nothing. not me... oh no. i love the self-punishment of having to be doing something productive. all... the... time....
SILLY CLEM!
Anyways, Im excited for the bank holiday tho, cos it means all my friends are off work too.. yay!! me and my friend A have organised a big jubilee party hangout, its gonna be going on all monday. we're talking a picnic, the field, a big game of rounders and lots of pimms :-) sounds good no?! yipeeeee for bank holidays!! but i have to get through the weekend first and NOT let myself slip or else things could go very rapidly downhill....
In other news. i slipped on my flipflops and fell down the first part of the stairs lastnight. and my GOD did it hurt!!! i proper pranged my ankle, grated some skin off my calf and cricked my neck something rotton, oh and my shoulder feels abit wonky too! :-s
Luckily i didnt actually twist or sprain anything, just a fair few bruises to complement my pasty skin... But what can you do eh? im a clutz, its life... so i did what i always do and whacked on a ton of arnica (that stuff is the BUSINESS) and got on with my evening :-)
I thought id wake up this morning and be stiff as a board, but i was ok... DAMN all that stretching for making me so limber :-p The walk to work actually helped loosen me up too. DAMN IT!!!! (always an excuse eh?! welcome to anorexia, where you can sugar-coat anything - except food!!!)
Ok, shud i stop with the ED jokes? not funny? too much?? Sorry, i dont mean to offend. i just have a pretty dark sense of humour!
Anyways, back to business... and its business time!!! (as in, my bruises hurt and i need to arnica-up again)
oh yeeeeeah! get out the bruise-cream....
im such a catch
:-p
Have a good evening monday-munchkins and JUST cos i think you deserve a little treat for reading my nonsensical babblings.... ive left you with a little "business time" for yourselves. OH boy, these guys are hilARious. for realz. put this in your head FOREVER!!! dum de dum....
No comments:
Post a Comment