is it a bum? is it a pit? Noo, its a bumpit!

I saw these in boots today....

for a small fee, YOU TOO could be as hairy as this!

Now is it just me or is "BUMPITS" a not very nice name for a hair product?!?!

I get it, BUMP IT up. As in volume? sure...

but to ME, bumpits says booty and armpit combined.... and thats NOT something that i'd want to associate with clip on hair, anyone with me on this one?!?!?

Please tell me if you've ever found a weirdly named product...

...im curious as to what other treats are out there now!!!

Sorry for the randomness of this post, i just had to share this find!!! its a BUSY old week going down this end, we have an open day this sat so ive been trying to get stuff ready for that, PLUS i currently have a stack of year 7 english books giving me the evil eye from my desk, so i better get my bootay in gear. Boooooo!

In other news, i had another gain this week!!! I saw my T on monday and he was pleased that i was managing to continue with my positive mindset... If im honest, i think its because ive been so busy, its actually helped me! i dont time to obsess over food and mealtimes, which means im giving less power to ED and his little pesterings. i need to eat to fuel my busy life, so i do it...i have to. there's no time for uhmming and ahhing and im not gonna NOT eat, ive got too much at stake to risk going down that slippery slope of a road! So all in all, being busy is a relief cos it keeps me from overthinking things. And lets face it, the whole should i, shouldnt i? thing is SUCH a pain in the ass :-p

I will do a proper post later in the week, but this is just a midweek howdy doo :-)

Hope you're all having a good'un!

xxx

falling into fall...

IT IS COLD........

Seriously, no kidding! Yes, i can be abit of a wimp about the cold... (what ED sufferer isnt, am i right?!?!) but im pretty sure im not the only one at the moment who is thinking DARN its cold outside!!!!

Anyway, as the autumn leaves are falling and the weather has turned to the more wet/cold/chill side. I have decided to embrace the onset of winter, im not gonna hide away indoors complaining about the bad weather and impending colds and flu like some people. HELL NO!!! im going to wrap up warm, put a woolly hat on and get my ass outside! :-p

Its been proven that those people who get outside and invest in some fresh air during the cold winter months manage to avoid getting sick as much as those who huddle up next to the radiator inside breathing in each others' germs and not getting any vitamin D in their lives!

Dont get me wrong, im not about to go camping out in the middle of winter! I too, love the cosyness of being indoors when its cold and rainy outside, but i save that for the evenings when you can make the most of it.... Day to day, i dont want my usual routine to be affected, which means i will still be walking into work (unless its REALLY raining!) and my little pepperpot will still get her daily excursions to the park (im pretty sure she'd have something to say if she didnt... most likely in the form of a chewed up shoe or a poo on the sofa - eeew!)

So who's up for joining me in wrapping up & getting outside this winter?

Or would you rather sticking with the warmth of central heating?!?! :-p

So if you read my previous post, you'd have seen that i was trying to find ways of relaxing over the weekend... Not one to be used to having alot of free time, i find it hard to just sit down and do nothing. So as arranged, me and pepper drove over to Adams to meet Meg, his lovely doggy.

We were abit hesitant about taking them out together straight away, so we let them have a free run-around in the garden first... no worries! they were fine!

So off we headed and had a lovely walk, stopping for some autumnal snaps when necessary!

Conkerrrrrrs!!! :-)

Pepper had SUCH a nice time, she did not one, not two, but THREE pug-runs!!! (for those of you who dont know, a pug-run is when she gets soooo overexcited that her tail uncurls and sticks straight out like a banner, then she hunches up her little body and skitters around in a mad rush, back and forth, around and around... its mental and pretty DAMN hilarious to watch!!!!)

So the odd pug-run is normal, but THREE?!? oh yes, she certainly was enjoying herself! It was so good to have a companion to walk with too, i usually walk alone and use it as a time to chill out and unwind after a days work... but now me and adam are doing a weekly walk together, it gives me a chance to have a social walk! the dogs love it cos they have a partner in crime and we get a chance to chat and catch up without having to sit in a pub or something, like the rest of our friends. We both love the freedom getting outside with the dogs gives us and im so glad to have a friend who gets the whole "good outdoors" vibe!!!

AND it didnt rain once!!!! Sadly today that luck hasnt lasted :-( its drizzle city over here. Pepper is staring at me with her big puppy eyes. Is now the time to put my "i dont mind the weather" speech into action!? Hmmmm. i suppose if i go now, ill hopefully avoid the heavy showers that are forecast for today. And the sooner i go, the sooner i can be back and THATS when the fun starts... i can climb into my big slouchy oversized tracky bums that are all worn and lived in, throw on a BIG sloppy cashmere jumper and some bedsocks and hit up the skyplus for some trashy TV before my schoolweek preparation panic sets in!

Hope you've all had a FAB weekend!

Did you manage to relax or was it business as usual?

teaching the teacher!

Howdy y'all.... Hows ur thursday been today, (well obvs today, it wouldnt have been a very enjoyable thursday YESTERDAY would it?!?!)

Its nearly the weekend!!! yipeeeeeedoo.

:-)

Im actually looking forwards to this weekend. im not working (gotta start getting used to having time off, what AM i going to do?!?) Well, my plans are as such.

• RELAX!

Yup this self-confessed "girl on the go" needs to make time for some downtime... it might sounds weird, but i dont really know how to relax. crazy right?! i know it sounds stupid, but im always so busy that im not sure what i am supposed to do to relax....

Any Ideas?Tips?Advice?!?

• Socialise

Ive made plans to see adam (he's like my bestest bud at the mo... love that boy!) we've been meaning to take our pooches on a playdate :-p He has a big bouncy puppy that i know will make the perfect playmate for my little pepperpot! But looking at the old weather forecast, im not sure if i fancy a clothes on-shower!

• 5 Day Forecast
• Next 24 Hours

Day	Weather	Max. DayTemperature (°C)	Min. NightTemperature (°C)	Wind Direction and Speed (mph)	HumidityPressureVisibility
ThuNight weather	Partly Cloudy with heavy rain forecast for 16:00		11		This data unavailable for night	More info for Thursday's weather
Fri Day weather	Heavy Rain Shower	15	9	Northerly18	88%1003mbPoor	More info for Friday's weather
Sat Day weather	Light Rain Shower	14	8	North North Westerly22	61%1010mbGood	More info for Saturday's weather
Sun Day weather	Heavy Rain Shower	17	9	North North Easterly15	90%1011mbPoor

Hmmm. So that'll be me packing away all my summer clothes then...

I do feel like i need to become more sociable, i see adam but he's a "safe" person to me... i havent pushed myself to go out in a group yet. I know a couple of people are going out on sat night, and maybe i should go... i dont know. im not sure if im ready yet. the idea of people seeing me looking like this still plays on my mind. i know they wont SAY anything, but just the idea of them thinking stuff makes me anxious.... If only i could take a pill and be back to my old self....

Next up...

• Do some work (YAWN)

I wont go into deets, tis tres boring! but we have an open day coming up and i need to get some fancy display stuff up on the walls of my form-room to make it look more homey!

All this aside. I still kindof feel like i shud have a purpose for my weekend, like going to homebase or something! Not that i need anything from homebase... but isnt that what people DO on the weekends right, go to homebase?! get their DIY on?!?! maybe not!

Help me out folks...

What do YOU do on the weekends?!?

....something tells me its gonna be better than going DIY shopping!

:-p

Furry surprise...

Bon Soir mes amies! hope you are all well on this fiiiiiine monday eve!!!

Ive had a very interesting day today, i think its because of my new furry shaped wakeup call.

Now to start things off, let me just say.... i dont have a cat. i used to have about 5 when we lived in the countryside, but now we are in town its just my little poochums who rules the animal roost (i really want a tortoise! but mum says no... plus i think pepper wud say yumyum :-s)

Run tortoise RUN!!!

Anyway, back to the POINT... i do have a tendency to ramble off subject dont i?!?! i think its a teacher trait, my kids always get me chatting about stuff, cos i go off on random tangents... they love it!!! (they think it means they do less work - it doesnt. but i dont let them know that! :-p)

Soooo, my point. oh yes. As my alarm clock (iphone) beeped me a tuneful 6am wakeup call (groaaan) I stumbled into the bathroom as per usual, to hear a strange noise and some clattering in the corner. whats this, i wondered?! is mum hiding in the bathroom with the lights off?!?!?! NOPE, it was next doors CAT!!!! this thing is a giant furry ginger beast, i kid you not! I dont know HOW it had got in, cos the window was almost closed, but im guessing it squeexed thru then couldnt get back out. it was quite bemused! (as was i at this ungodly hour!) But i dutifully scooped it up and shoved it back out the window...

DONT WORRY FELLOW ANIMAL LOVERS!!!

no need to call the RSPCA, there is a roof below the window :-p

But lets just say, the day was started with a bang - or shud that be a miaow?!?!

Anyway, mondays are fundays in my eyes. i have a free first thing so my lessons dont start till breaktime! YEEEE, such a nice change from last year, when i started the week with two of my most difficult groups back to back. not fun... So i pottered off to therapy instead. and guess what,

my good work paid off....

i'd gained!!! :-)

And this time the number going up hasnt freaked me out... its just a number! im gonna pass alot more of those numbers before i get to my goal weight, so why worry?! Ive decided i really need to let go of some of that control i still exert on myself. Altho i am trying to gain, ive realised im still very strict on myself and if im going to get past this and recover properly, i need to try and let go of that. Its not doing me any good trying to gain on a minumum intake... i need to bite the bullet. but how?!?!

Any advice for biting the bullet and letting go of that control?

I really want to be more free and im finding it hard to do that with this rigidity...

Hope you're all enjoying the start of the week

(and here's hoping i dont get another furry wakeup call tomo!)

xxx

sleepystar

morning everyone....!

well, its not ACTUALLY morning anymore, but it is for this sleepy little kitten, who just dragged her sorry ass out of bed :-p

Man, i was TIRED last night!!! I think the excitement of the first week back at school, combined with trying to do everything all at once has left me somewhat exhausted. Dont worry, its not the "so tired you cant function properly cos u arent taking care of yourself" kindof tired, but more of the "so happy to be doing something other than sitting at home all day that you grab every opportunity to do something with both hands" kind! Im a sucker for getting involved in things, sometimes forgetting that i TOO, need to rest.... but i had such a good sleep last night. I must've zonked out as soon as i hit the pillow, my bed was all warm and cosy (i have an electric blanket.... yes, i KNOW im a granny. but until you have experienced the joys of climbing into a pre-warmed toasty snug bed, you cannot comment!!! its pure HEAVEN!

Anyway... My week has been fab. I feel like ive finally gotten to grips with the eating lunch thing. i dont feel the same guilt that i felt before, i know that my body needs this fuel to get through the rest of the afternoon, so it doesnt seem like as much of an indulgence as it did when i was just sitting around waiting for the next meal. However, this changed midset during the week has resulted in some trouble staying consistant over the weekends... in ED's eyes, im not doing as much and my routine is slowed down so therefore i dont NEED as much. SILLY ED, he doesnt realise that the days off are my "rest days" the chance for me to catch up on sleep (check!!!) and for my body to repair itself without having to worry about keeping me going at work. I KNOW THIS!!!!! so im just gonna have to educate ED on the matter, after all... im a teacher, educating is my job!!!

So this weekend i will be trying really hard to keep ED in his place, tucked away at the back on my mind, where i can keep tabs on him like a naughty kid in detention :-p

I WILL conquer this illness, step by step... its just a case of spotting the potential hazards before they can jump out at me. OOH its abit like that "hazard perception" test you have to pass before you can take your driving test. Except instead of the hazard being a small child running out into the road, its a big nasty ED stopping me from eating my food.... GRR!

Still, a hazards a hazard! and fortunatly, im the one behind the wheel now, not anorexia!

Wish me luck people!

And have urselves a wonderful weekend :-)

xxx

baby got back.....

ahh u've gotta love that song.... what a classic opening line!

but thats not what im talking about, sadly :-p

Noooo, im just checking in for a quickie post to say "HOWDY Y'ALL" (im nice like that, hehe) but also to say a big thankyou to all the people who commented on my last post. I cant tell you how much i appreciate your words of advice and encouragement. it really spurs me on :-)

And as am extra thankyou, i can tell you that..... IM BACK!!!! (on track that is) and feeling more on it than ever. Today at work i couldnt decided what sandwich to buy for lunch so instead of going for the lesser calorie option, i went with the higher!!!! even tho i was actually more swayed to the other. HA! take that ED, those numbers dont rule me anymore! (as it turned out, i wish id had the other, the one i got was a bit soggymushed from sitting on the shelf for too long. BOO! but i was so pleased that i over-ruled my usual routine of picking the safer option, that it didnt matter!)

Plus this afternoon my friend A came round, i love seeing him, we always have a blast and i feel like i can be myself around him - no pressure... So he popped over before his band practice, which coincided with me having my afternoon snack. hmm. ED was telling me that since im having my big roast dinner tonight, it didnt really matter if i skipped the snack. But no, my new no-nonsense approach told me that that was exactly what ED wanted and id never gain weight if i didnt eat the bloody food im supposed to! So snackeroo, i love you!

So all in all, a midweek turnaround! I feel like my little hiccup over the weekend and the advice that i got about trying to control my emotions and thinking more rationally has helped me tackle my fears in a new way. So here's to taking responsibility for my actions!

WOOOOOOOYA!

:-p

xxx

crash bang wallop

and i hit the floor.....

Not LITERALLY - thank god! but i had what i can only describe as a bumpety bump weekend of nasty ED'ness. (apologies for the kiddie speak, ive just had an afternoon of teaching juniors, i've found you've gotta go with the "simplify" or die rule....!!)

ANYHOO

i digress....

Yeah, last week... I was good, i was moving forwards, i was positive - i felt better about things.

Then the weekend came around and i guess i just slipped back into my old routine, ED told me i didnt need lunch. i eat lunch ever day at school. today im not at school. no lunch. NO GOOD!

i shud have put the skids on then and there when i felt the warning signs, but silly me didnt anticipate the consequences of one little missed meal. i then started to feel anxious, edgy, if i missed one thing then i cud miss more....

Luckily i didnt, cos i was at the flat with my mum and sis, so i did make sure i had dinner, but it wasnt as much as i wud have at home cos i dont have all my cereals and stuff there. i made do...

The atmosphere in the flat was back to black. My sis has said openly that she "doesnt mind" me being there when im on my own and i keep out of her way, but when my mum is there too. she doesnt want me there. she wants to have time with mum just by herself...

lets just say, she doesnt like to share her toys!

Anyway, things were delicate so i tried to steer clear, but since we have to decide on this xmas trip (we were planning on escaping xmas by going away somewhere hot) but as per usual we have left it too late and flights are super expensive. Cue rows, blame, me sitting consoling the poor pup who is shaking cos she is frightened by the shouting. poor baby!!!

Sunday rolls around and i manage to get thru the day ok, it was my friends last day so we had fun, but i was still abit on edge..... Skip to sunday night, and the walls fall down..... I wont go into details, but we had a big fight at the flat before leaving, which made us late to leave anyway (this started the ball rolling, stress wise - i like to be home in reasonable time cos i have to prep my stuff for school in the morning) but sadly as mum drove through london, we get stuck in a big demonstration diversion where all cars are told to turn around and go back another way. GREAT... so basically we have to go right back to the start of our journey and start over in the opposite direction. im not a happy bunny....

Now i KNOW its irational, its not anyones fault per say. but it FREAKS me out bigtime. i hate situations that a) interrupt my usual routine and b) mean that i have no control over things

both of these fears were ticked off, and on top of that because we were so late and delayed, we wouldnt get home till very late, so i wouldnt be able to have a proper dinner.

I say "wouldnt be able"... of course i could have eaten. but once my usual dinnertime had passed i found it hard to feel comfortable eating as i have so much to fit in... shud i have a main meal first or a pudding? shud i try and fit in my bedtime snack even tho i would be going straight to bed anyway? too much to handle.... i freaked out.

In the end, i missed my main meal and just had a snack followed by my big (and i made sure it WAS big) cereal bowl before i crashed out.... so not ideal, but i tried my best given the circumstances. ED was raging and i found it a big struggle to get over that. But as my very wise and wonderful friend Fi said to me...

Accept the fact that ed is all over you in that moment and that u feel like shite

Take the emotion out of the situation

Look at the logical rational thing to do

Do it

Dont think about it after that

Thats it

This was exactly the advice i needed. I managed to do this to a certain extent... but i know now that if i remove the fact that i am being irrational and letting my emotions block out my logical thoughts then i can scale down the situation and regain my composure. It would be naive to think that i can remove ED from the equation, but ACCEPTING the situation and taking steps to solve it provides me with a much better coping mechanism that simple freaking out and letting ED take the power! So thankyou Fi, you're a star :-)

Today i can happily say im feeling alot better. I had a really good day at school (did i mention that i LOVE my job!?!?!?) and i had some constructive therapy (altho i have weighty proof that i need to upp my cals AGAIN, due to the new school routine... my previous intake is clearly not enough for my busier lifestyle) But im okay with that. its gonna be hard, no doubt. But i WANT to be able to do a good job, and if to do that i need to eat more... then thats what i have to do. I think im gonna have to trick myself to start off with tho, do some of that sneaking stuff into things so they are high cal but not too bulky. I dont know where is best to try and work on, i know my dinners are quite large, and im pretty happy with my BIG bowl of cereal for breakfast. I dont have that much time in the am's so i guess that leaves lunches.... the logical choice as i dont eat a very big lunch. (Its still a big "EEK" for me) but i have been managing to make sure i get a sammie in everyday at work. But i know i could have more. Most people eat a sandwich and a packet of crisps and a yoghurt or fruit or something, so why shouldnt i?

Any suggestions for bulking up meals without freaking out too much?!?

I really have to get over this fear of eating more, my body needs more food so i shud be able to give it that, its only fair... So why do i find it so hard to stretch myself out of my comfort zone. ARGH!!!

i hope you all had a fab weekend... I just cant believe its already the end of monday!

here we go again!

xxx