decisions

Sooooo, im thinking of taking the mumatron to the cinema tomo eve for some catch-up-post-bday-mother-daughter-chill-time. Good idea, no?!

But what to seeeee?! personally, i STILL want to go see the new american pie :-p but i dont think she's keen, i think thats gonna have to be a "wait for DVD" film... booo.

To be honest, getting the mumster to sit down for two hours without doing something is gonna be a mean feat in itself (i am indeed my mothers daughter on that one!!) but she has said she wants to go, so we'll see if it happens! The movie on her wish-list is the new tim burton film: with johnny depp, helena bonham carter and michelle pfeiffer. I cant remember what its called, but its about a vampire who comes back from the dead to help his modern day family... its set in the 1970's i think & its meant to be pretty funny (if you like that dark tim burton style humour) yes please! So i think thats gonna be the likely one we choose...

Im weird with films, i always WANT to go see them, but actually going to the cinema kindof bores me...!! you have to sit there for so long, and the whole not being able to get up and go to the toilet or grab a drink or anything. Its hard work with an attention span as short as mine!!! We're continuing the evening, by planning on having a paella tomo night. This is to carry on with my "eat more, try more" plan... its going ok so far! I have such struggles with getting more calories in the evening, cos i genuinely DO eat alot (but probably not enough of the carby, weigh-gainy foods) it sucks cos i do like what i eat and i like grazing through the evening after my main meal. But its not getting the weight on and i do feel somewhat restricted to what i feel safe with, i wouldnt just eat anything cos im still scared to have more "scary" foods. But since ive upped my breakfast, lunch AND snacks a fair bit... (it helped loads that i HAVE to have this stuff on the unit, it means im not so scared of it...) but when im at home, i have to do it myself and thats not so easy. But, the obvious next step is the dinner... must be STRONG!!! haha. Cos anyways, i realise i have to be less rigid and not so fussy about eating what i like when i like, prepared how i like... therefore, ENTER project "try different things"

The idea is that on the days when im at work, i have to try a new meal for dinner and share it with mum (or get a ready meal if she's not there to keep me accountable) i then can have my usual pudding as long as my main meal reaches approx 600cals. On the days when im on the unit, i can have one of my usual dinners (cos i have a hot readymeal at lunch, bleh) but i must have a pudding to make up the cals to that 600 mark. i am allowed to ALSO have my usual fruit and bedtime snack if i havent met enough of the cals, but its hard cos alot of the time having the big dinner is enough and im stuffed after that. So even tho all i want is to have my nice fruit and muffins before bed i have to have the other stuff first. Cos otherwise its not enough and its not breaking out of my rut. so even tho its hard, i have to try and push myself..... It will get easier. I hope!

Last night we had burger and chips - which was a success!!! the whole day i was like, ooh i dunno. im not sure if i want that, maybe ill just have one of my "bigger" but still "safe" usual dinners.... 

but NO! i held strong and we had the damn thing! despite the fact that mum was stuffed after her bday lunch (she's had bday lunches and teas and present givings every day since sunday, the lucky thing!!!) So i was worried she wouldnt be able to finish hers which would TOTES freak me out) but she did, what a trooper :-) and it was YUM. the chips were these skinny frites from m&s and they get all crispy and delish in the oven.. soooo good! and i didnt feel bad and try to eat less of them cos i knw they are too tasty for me to deserve. i said I DESERVE TASTY CHIPS!!! and BOOM as if my magic, they were gone....!!! hehe. 

tonight i get to have one of my dinners cos ive been on the unit today. Im pretty full cos we had a group outing this afternoon. we went to asda for our snack, so we could try "eating out".... not really a fear for me and to be honest it wasnt all that great (the food selection was poo and it was abit grimy in there!) but it made a change from the usual snacks at the unit and it was a good challenge for some of the others, so i was happy to tag along!

Tonight im still undecided on dinner, maybe a pitta pizza...? maybe a stir-fry....? hmm. decisions! Either way, i have a plum tart in the frigadooooor for our pud. Ive tried it before and its a goodie. im not a fan of hot desserts so its still a challenge for me. But i want to try and branch out and since i DO like my fruit, its a good compromise! plus as far as desserts go, light flaky pastry is alot easier for me to digest than a heavy crumble or cake. and cos its dairy free, im good to go :-) 

tomo is another busy work day... its mad how these weeks are flying by now that i am doing a mix of school and the unit. Its nice to be busy but it still worries me that half term is coming up in only 3weeks. The unit is closed for that week, so im on my own again. RIGHT when i will be struggling... typical! I really have to get my head round coping when im not busy or in a set routine. I cant live my life at work or being in a structured environment forever!!! i wanna travel and see the world and i dont think that fits to a "to the minute" timetable!!!

So another busy week commences... well, saying that we're nearly halfway through already!!! 

Oh well. 

happy "nearly" humpday! 

:-p