rules

Dont you hate it when there are rules for one thing, but not for another...?

Today was classic.

So there was a torrential rainpour at about 8 this morning. right when i was walking to the unit. Great... thank GOD i had my umbrella, but even so i was a very soggy clemster by the time i got there. So what did i do?! WHIPPED my coat, shoes and socks off and thanked the sweet lord for the power of central heating and therefore radiators :-) 

Because of this flood, some of the staff were late and it would appear that it takes real skill to be able to weigh someone, there was a big debate as to whether we could be weighed cos the nurse wasnt there yet. WHOA, drama!!! eventually, we were like... cant YOU just weigh us?! and they did. i mean, seriously. how many psychologists does it take to turn on a electronic scale?? no seriously, this isnt one of those jokes... apparently it takes alot.

So, i gained again. which is goooood, but i was abit freaked out as to where its come from. i mean i was weighed on tues and i was up and then i was up AGAIN today. thats like two days, thats like more than ive gained over the whole month that i was on the unit???? what the?!?!?!

Im not letting my brain go down that, EEK ive gained and i dont know why therefore im not in control therefore i must restrict and over-exercise. NO thankyou. im done with the "limit my calories" days, they werent fun and i dont fancy going back. but i DO still walk, and ive been really trying to cut back to only doing activity that i have to or like to do, like work and walking home when its sunny. so im trying to make sure that doesnt spiral because of this gain. i know im THERE to gain, so really there would be no point in trying to lose.... thats my rationale and im sticking with it! :-)

But it does leave me in bafflement as to why ive gained. Any ideas people????  I know that the body is a weird and wonderful complex thingamajig, but i was eating (i think) more on the unit cos my MealPlan was set and non-negotiable, whereas on occasion over the past two days at work and on weekends, i havent managed that same MP amount. So what gives?? surely less calorie intake means no gain?  Ahh, but youve been cutting back on the walking... they said. but altho YES i have cut back and i am trying to walk at a better pace. its not like ive stopped! and surely being back at work would make me slightly more active, being that im doing something all day as opposed to just sitting don like i do at the unit????

BIZARRO!

i guess maybe its my body adjusting to those past weeks, cos i was walking more in the first couple of weeks, going out in breaks etc. but then i would have thought that wouldve shown up before, especially since last week i maintained and then LOST. its too weird for words. Plus i felt kindof annoyed at the fact that just because id gained this week, they werent having a go at me. i did barely anything different, but yet last week when id lost then they were all shouty and threatening and told me that i mustve been eating less or walking more.... which i wasnt!!! but this week when i havent done anything different, then they say "well maybe your body is just fluctuating..." so what, it can only fluctuate one way???? surely it could have been doing that last week too?? oh no. gain = youve done good, well done pat on the back.... but lose = you've done something bad, you must be cheating. i hate the inconsistency in this place. Its like one things ok on one day, but a totally different matter on another... it messes with my head :-s

Luckily, my mindset is quite good today tho and motivation is still pretty high, so im not gonna jinx that by overthinking things!!!! what i AM going to try and do, is instead of worrying about why i gained when i hadnt changed much... im gonna try EVEN harder to make the changes i know i need to make. So walk less (cos its rubbish outside at the mo anyways!) and also do my damndest to meet my full MP (which hasnt been changed this week, partly cos i gained and also cos i didnt manage to meet it fully.... i still have to work on trying to change my very skimpy "less carb, more veg" dinners!) 

So to sum it up! walk less, eat more... and that way if i gain again next week, at least be able to credit it to something. Cos the worst feeling is that sense of being out of control. we've been led to believe that if you do x, then y will happen...  ok. that makes sense... but when you havent done x, but you've still ended up with y... you start thinking "what the x**y*xx*x**y***" and  then you freak out! 

Does that make ANY sense?!?!?!

Anyways i will continue battling on. Im back in school tomo, so i have that to occupy my brain! then its a long weekend cos of the bank holiday on monday.... hmm, should be interesting! I better start getting some plans in place to keep me busy (and not walking/over-thinking/stressing!)

Anyone got any plans for the weekend? (i need some ideas!!!) i quite wanna see the new American Pie film, but its like £10 a ticket!!! when did cinema prices get so expensive?? (oh yeah, when i stopped working there and getting them for free :-p)