survival of the fittest?!

I made it throoooooough to-daaaaaay (sung in a cheesy john barrowman-eque way)

Haha, yes people. i survived the first day back on the unit after the break of 'not-so-good'... and you know what, it wasnt too bad :-)

I woke up this morning and did a few stretches, but as i was doing them i was like, why am i still doing this crazy stuff? its silly!!! and stopped! WHAT?!?! i surprised myself! but i intend to try and NOT do any tomo and then see if i feel urged to do them the next day, if not... sahweeeet! cos realistically, its only making me unhappy and obsessive about doing them. if i remove them from the day, then they cant cause me worry can they?! BOOM.

Yeah, it was nice waking up and having a purpose to my days again... i really am a creature of routine, i dont function well when i have nothing to do. i dont like lazing about and having a late breakfast cos it panics me that i have to then fit in snacks and meals and stuff. so OOP i got, bright and early and hopped in the shower and got dressed. What to wear tho?! i knew i was being weighed this morning, so i wore my denim skirt and a light top with layers of hoodies and jumpers on top so that i could de-layer myself at the weigh in :-p good plan tho, cos what i thought was gonna be another cold and rainy day (im sure all you brits out there agree when i say, here's to another TYPICAL bank holiday wash-out this weekend!) but instead i was greeted by a crisp bright morning! i took the old 'brella just in case, but no such need cos it stayed nice and sunny all day... which is soooo typical, especially since that first week in the unit was also blazing sun, i mean come ON.. when am i gonna finally get to enjoy the sunshine?!?!?!

weigh in was ok. id lost, only a little... but still. i kindof knew i would have, considering i hadnt stuck to the MP fully towards the end of the week and i have been quite active (aswell as suffering some nasty stomach issues, but ill spare you the finer details of that!!!) to be honest, i was just relieved to be back in a safe place where i know i CAN eat. i HAVE to eat. i am ALLOWED to eat. it was a ncie feeling to sit back down at the table with everyone and know that my MP was set out for me and that id be expected to be eating... no excuses, no back-downs, no unsure what to have's. just bish bash bosh. in my belly :-)

Altho my MP has been increased and its alot more than i was having over this past week, i jumped in head first. no beating about the bush now, no sireee... i dont have endless time in this place and i intend to make the most. So while some people pushed their food around their plates today and moaned about the new MP's, i got on with munching. i am SO much happier now that i dont have to have the dreaded fruit juice at every meal and snack, thank GOD! my new MP looks like this...

Breakfast:

Bowl Branflakes with fullfat soy milk (i need to be brave and stop drinking the light version at home)

A piece of toast with soyspread and honey (i prefer marmalade, just in case you were wondering! but they were all out)

And a big orange

Morning snack: was one of my cereal bars (the smaller one, i have to have one small and one large now)

Lunch:

Roast chicken with roast potatoes, LOTS of gravy and gross mushed-up overcooked broccoli. URGH! now it mustve been bad for me to NOT want to eat my veggies!!! but i did well with the rest of it, it was a BIG portion!

Pudding was a soy yoghurt and an apple.

Afternoon snack:

Naughty me, i thought id put in the bigger snack bar (my american ones!) but i mustve left it in my other bag, cos it wasnt there. So i had a bag of bear granola instead. Still a challenge to get back to regular snacks, but tomo i will not be sneaking out on this one (i think they will check anyways... they are being MUCH more proactive now, which is good... people were getting away with murder!)

So yeah, it was a good day and i feel much better now for it. i was in such a state over the weekend, just not in a good headspace... but now the old me is back, the annoying bouncy 'YAY, lets DO this thing' one, lord help us! :-p

If only i could translate some of this optimism into my everyday life, id be fine! i guess im gonna need to learn how to bring that safety of the unit and the things i feel i can achieve there into my real-life... cos its not recovery unless i can do it on my own. and THATS the challenge! (but thats something to think about a bit further down the line... it is only my first day back after all!!!) i have 3 weeks to get knuckled down and figure out how to put my recovery into practice in the community and every day is a chance to get one step closer to healthy :-)

Speaking of everyday life, here are a few pics of the boys bday yesterday.... As one of his presents, I got him a tiger all-in-one costume to go with the monkey one that he got me at halloween... take a minute to marvel at the transformation!!!

doin the tiger shuffle

hoods up homies

and relaaaax...

cos tigers LOVE tea!

Haha, it was fun, i dunno how much use it will get, but it certainly put a smile on his face, which was nice cos i know it was a hard day for him, seeing me so distant and pre-occupied.... i hate being like that, but i still dont know what i want and whether being in a relationship is the right thing right now. I wont get into that old spiel again, cos i know im bloody lucky to have a nice guy like him who cares enough to stick around and try and support me through this. its just hard y'know... i have so much on my mind, i just end up feeling guilty....

STOP! wait, whats that?!?!

Uh-ohhh, Its the GUILT POLICE!!!! "no guilt here please, move along, nothing to see...."

true dat

So, basics... Ive had a hard day, but i feel good for it.

clearly one for abit of masochism :-p

hope youre all doing goods out there

take it breezy!

xx