Evenin sugarplums. And what a miserable evening it is. its been raining here pretty steadily all day long... boooo! i hate the rain, it just makes everything blergh. plus wet shoes? SO not cool
note to self: avoid the puddles
In terms of mood tho, im much more up than yesterday. I think i occasionally go through these little blips when i find things abit overwhelming and scary, but they serve as a reminder that im only human and this shizz is HARD!!! but i get back into the swing of things fairly quickly when i remember why im doing this and how far i still have to go... being in the unit is helping me alot, but there's no quick-fix bandaid solution to recovery. its a long hard slog that you have to keep chugging away at, consistently, until it sticks!!!
Anyways, today was pretty non-eventful, usual breakfast (and BOY am i getting bored of brancflakes and toast... someone... give me some variety, PLEASE!!!) then after another round of being made to feel somewhat "unhelpful" because i have certain dietary requirements, i had a chicken casserole for lunch (not the usual roast chicken tho, woopwoop!) they actually said to me, "well, i think this one only has a BIT of dairy in it..." umm, are you freaking KIDDING me with this?!?!? i voiced it in my individual session today, cos its getting abit annoying that they are hassling me to eat different things when its THEM that hasnt ordered enough variety for dairy-free options, not my problem! Its not like im trying to be difficult, ive been very compliant! i eat everything they give me (unlike some people) cos i know thats what i have to do, its why im there after all...! what i DONT want to do, is get sick and not be able to eat it and therefore compromise my mealplan. i mean come on, surely being able to EAT is the aim of the game :-p
some games are worth playing
Anyhoo's weekend recap as promised! Altho i cant really think where i left off... ill try and just summarise so you can get an idea of how things went down. OH YES... friday after leaving the unit. ready?!
So, we got let out at at 2pm, half day fridays, wooooo! I was abit anxious about the upcoming night ahead... I was supposed to be meeting my lovely american friends but hadnt heard from them yet that day (late night+hangover=they were asleep all day!) But i hopped on the train and headed london-bound. They wake! Arranged to meet up and we have a fun afternoon/evening of wandering london, meeting funny dudes with good accents trying to get us to go paintballing (that one guy was the BEST hugger, dunno why he wanted to hug us, but who can turn down a free hug!?) we mooched about the shops and then headed to this arcade place on the southbank, right by the london eye. it was killer! two floors full of slot machines, fruit machines, games galore and DODGEMS!!! yup, full on fairground style dodgems in this arcade! awesomeballs :-) downstairs was a bar and pool area, so we had some drinks and bashed some balls about, before realising it was HELLA late and we shud get some food. (i by this time was feeling abit tired and low-blood sugared having had my snack on the train earlier and not being sure how to approach eating more than was on my usual MP) but i adapted... and altho it was scary, we headed out to a restaurant (many of them were full so we had to walk around loooking for ages) we eventually got caught in a MAJOR rainpour and so bailed into strada for some italian nom noms. it was yum, but we werent eating till gone 10:30pm which was seriously scary for me, im usually eaten and halfway to bed by then! but i knew that we would be staying up all night, so i didnt think of it as late eating, especially if we were going to pull our planned all-nighter before the americans left at 6am the next morning!
WE DID IT!!!!
no cheating!
well.... almost! we made it till about 3am and then most people drifted off :-p alarm went off at 5:30 and we got ourselves out the door and onto a bus by 6am. It was sad to see them go, but it was nice that i got to be with them on their first AND last days, even if the in-between days were missed cos of my being on the unit. Still, we have made plans for this coming summer (i will reveal more when i have sorted some stuff....) so i will see them again soon :-)
Rest of saturday went by in a comatosed state!!! i got to my sisters flat super early and crawled into her bed for some well-deserved r and r! didnt get up till 12ish, which meant i had alot of eating to catch up on :-s had breakfast but i missed my am snack and had to go straight to lunch... even eating that so soon was hard, but i knew it was important. We chilled out in the evening and it was nice to spend some time with my mum and sis. I decided the time was right to tell my sis about admitting myself to a day-programme. she took it well (im pretty sure she's relieved!) but she was abit snipey about it, almost knocking my progress and saying i wasnt really "giving up" to recovery. for GODS SAKE woman, im trying here!!!! it felt abit bittersweet, cos i wanted her to be proud and supportive... but i guess it might take some time to sink in and stuff. so its all good, im just glad i got it out in the open abit more :-)
On sunday i was still pretty pooped, but had some hours to kill before heading to my mums vintage fair to get picked up and drive home. Soooo, after abit of frantic planning! i met up with a fellow blogger, Ellie :-) We went for a cup o tea and a chat and it was really nice to meet someone who's on the same wavelength... who understands. Plus is a wicked person to boot! Its scary meeting new people through the medium of t'internet... but sometimes you take a chance and luck out by getting to know some faboosh people. happy days.
So there you go. My weekend in a recap-format.... hope it wasnt too tedious and now ill get back to plodding through my week trying to put one foot in front of the other without falling on my face :-p This week is my second to last, i get signed out next thurs... so you can imagine im abit jittery about trying to get as much out of this time as possible. But i mustnt forget that recovery is a journey... im not gonna be better in 4weeks, what this is is a stepping stone to better ways of coping and progressing. I know i need to stay focused.
eyes on the prize people...
eyes on the prize!
:-p
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