if NEEDS be

Happy Humpday People!!!

Thankgod its the middle of the week is all i can say! now i can start looking forwards to the weekend... and some SLEEP. i tells ya, i am BEAT! Its madness at school this week. lots of staff out and surprise surprise - no additional cover has been brought in, so theyre basically making all the regular teachers pick up the slack, which is seriously unprofessional... cos there is ALOT of slack :(

So you can imagine, im pretty tired. I know i need to be careful, cos this is what i do... i get stressed, i do too much, i feel like i need to do more otherwise im letting people down and then i crash. Boohoo. Nah, but seriously... i have been feeling low in energy anyways and this combined with the fact that im not sleeping too well is causing me some achey shakey not happy body vibes. But do i stop and rest up? Do i hell... i carry on regardless. STUPID STUPID STUPID me.

i think i need to reassess my priorities.

 like BIG time.

Anyways, so i was reading this lovely ladies blogpost about BMR and energy requirements and i thought, hmmm - maybe i should figure out what i would actually need in a day.

Now before you jump in... i know this isnt entirely accurate and i know that since i am currently trying to recover from an ED it doesnt even really count fully - cos im sure people would say i need to chuck another 2000000cals onto whatever the calculator comes out with. But for research purposes, i gave it a go anyways. 

And obviously, i should be eating more. Like even if i was lying in bed all day i should be eating more. And considering im on my feet teaching most of the day AND i walk... then well, you can figure the rest out.

But STILL my anorexic-head is all "Oh... REALLY?!?! i didnt know." 

GAAAH!!! I mean come on - its not rocket science!!! does it really come as a surprise... that im not gaining weight, that im still anorexic. and blah blah blah. when i dont eat enough and im too active for my intake??? Oh Noooo anorexia says: Cos i DO eat, and i only walk... so surely i SHOULD gain weight. yes. anorexic-head thinks im doing fine.... 

Yah. well. Sorry.... its a No. 

is stupidity a side effect of starvation?

or is it just ME?!?