flurrb.

Why is it 

that when you have a cold, you always feel worse in the evenings?!

I woke up this morning and the sky was blue and the air was crisp and i felt sooo much better (especially after opting to stay in and sleep rather than push my sick-sniffly body to go out into the madness of town!) haha. But now i feel poo again! Grr. Damn germs and their nasty presence, why couldnt they go pester somebody elses immune system...?! i was doing SO well at not getting sick!!! 

Ahem, yeah... so this morning was lovely!

:p

for reals tho, as me and the mumster took the dog out in the early morning (i say early, it was like 9am... so not really!!) But it really made me think "New Year: New Beginnings: New Opportunities" yeeeeaaup! all that cheesy stuff. But its funny, cos yesterday when it was pouring with rain all day i was all mopey and grumpy, but today theres sunshine and clear skies and BAM i feel light and carefree and happy! (hmm - seasonal affected disorder much?!?)

So anyways, backtrack to New Years Eve, which was a bit of a wash-out to be honest. After abit of a downer day, i did actually perk up cos i FINALLY escaped the house (no kidding, i was going mad! im just not good at sitting inside with nothing to do all day long :s) 

After enough was enough, I thought it'd be nice to offer to take the dog out, that way mum could get on with her work without me moaning about being borrrrrred! AND it was a chance for me to prove that i dont need to walk fast or march about for hours... i can go for a quick stroll around the block without forcing myself to do more. I can be stronger than the ED. well, guess what... i did it!!! And it was lovely cos the fresh air cleared my stuffy head and i bumped into alot of other dogwalkers - all preparing for new years by getting their dogs "pee-trip" out of the way first!! Haha. So it was nice... and then when i got home, i felt refreshed and much happier in myself....

HOWEVER! clearly i shud have dragged the mothership along too, cos after a day of battling with paperwork and trying to sort through her computer files, she was not a happy bunny! she was literally grouch-central :s Which strangely, doesnt make for the friendliest new years eve companion :p But since id said i would stay in with her, i did... and i helped her as best i could before i gave up and retreated to watch Bridesmaids on dvd! (which actually seemed to perk her up alot more than my attempts at helping did! she certainly 'lol'-ed at the wedding dress shop scene!) 

Soooo that was pretty much my NYE.... over it! But when today came about, i coudn't pass up the chance to get outside in the lovely weather - so in the afternoon i picked up my friend and her little pupster and we took the dogs to the beach :-) She still cant let her puppy walk till its had its last set of jabs, so we just sat and chatted and enjoyed the sunshine instead. What a perfect way to start the New Year!

When i got back i *pretended* to do some work for school (which starts back on monday - EEK!!) But in actual fact, i got bored and starting thinking up stuff for my 2013 "Achievings" list... 

Now since this is mainly recovery orientated, ive decided i dont want to overwhelm myself with too much straight away... so im keeping it low-key. Ill write up some things that id like to achieve for the month, see how they go and then continue month by month as i carry on. That way if i dont manage something in one month, it can carry over etc. 

Im not about to put more undue pressure on myself... cos thats what my ED wants! 

I will check these achievings off as i go through the year so that i can allow time to think through my reactions and gage how i feel about them in terms of normalising my habits and recovering FULLY. Then i will do a review at the end of the month to see how they went! Hopefully if it goes well, i will be able to challenge myself more and more as the months go by... Im seeing 2013 as a chance to be WAY more productive!!! Ive also written up a bucket list of foods i want to try in 2013... but thats a longer-term thing, with hopes for when i can tackle more variety in my diet and (fingers crossed) eventually re-introdce certain food intolerances to try and build up my immunity.... But yeah, ill post that up in the next couple of days too.

but for NOW.... here is January's Achievings list:

In January I want… 

• to stick to a regular meal-plan (without restricting when i get "scared")
• to introduce new things into my diet by trying at least one fear food a week
• to allow myself at least one day of rest over the weekends
• to do non-exertion exercise for pleasure (without it being about exercising)
• to go swimming and enjoy the sensation of being in the water instead of feeling self-concious and paranoid about my body
• to relax my obsessive work ethic by having one night a week where I don't do school stuff!
• to reduce my activity at work by having at least ONE day where I don’t go out and walk in between work-hours.

I think these are good things to start off with. There are some easier ones in there, but def some more challenging ones mixed in... For example, i think that i will find the sticking to a meal-plan one hard. Mainly cos there are so often times when i am able to restrict, just by being busy or not hungry etc. But i need to remember that consistency is the key and i cant afford to use that as an excuse anymore... It gets me nowhere! And even tho making myself add something in to meet my requirements will be tricky, im gonna give it a shot! 

The swimming one comes cos my friend and I are going to have a spa day later this week... We booked it ages ago (back when i thought "oh yah ill be weight restored by january...." uhmm, as IF!!!) but we get two treatments and then use of the spa facilities, which includes a swimming pool and sauna etc. Sooo im certainly not gonna miss out on that cos im paranoid of how ill look in a bikini!!! im gonna talk to her about it fist and hopefully she wont be too grossed out by my body! (i dont think its THAT bad!!!) but yeah, most people feel awkward just hanging about in a swimsuit, so its not abnormal that im worried :p (is it weird that im curious to see how her - a normal girl - looks?!?) Its mainly cos she is pretty much the same shape as i WOULD be... Same build: tall and pencil shaped. Same naturally thin frame: dosnt exercise a whole load and eats what she wants. So in a way, she's basically what i was like - before i got ill :( So yeah, i guess its natural that im interested to see how my body probably "would" have looked if i hadnt gotten sick. In a way, it reassures me to what i will *hopefully* get back to, when im healthy....

Anyways... enough rambling for now! I hope you all had a fantastic New Years Eve and here's to making 2013 a great year... lets all try to Live, Love and Learn from our mistakes!!! 

x True Dat x