gotta get down on friiiiday

Guess where i'm off to this evening?!?!

Well its a friday night and i am still relatively young! haha. Sooooo

....im off to the pub! Yup, im going out with my girls for a night on the town. yipyip!!! we've had a long old week at work and what with the snow and the cold and all the many other reasons to be grumpy! we've decided to turn our frowns upside down and party!!! (oh and we got paid yesterday too - even MORE reason to spend our hard-earned pennies!)

And even tho i am absolutely exhausted... have been all week. I am looking forwards to a night out. I always have fun when i do make the effort, its just the actually getting-myself-out-the-door part thats hard! But I havent been sleeping well this past couple of nights and every morning i wake up feeling this sense of dread. that i have to get up even tho i STILL feel tired instead of refreshed... its been getting me down, cos i really hate feeling like that :s

I hate it even more, when i know deep down that its probs my fault. Cos i do too much in the day or whatever. But its hard not to... im a busy girl!!! (ok, yes. i know some of that is self-inflicted ED busy. and there are def areas of actvity that i cud cut back in order to save some energy) But i feel like i dont do that much besides teaching all day.... so how can abit of walking be THAT bad??)

If i could get to bed earlier that might help, cos i am waking up at 6am - which nobody really likes... lets be fair! But even tho i AM tired, i have such set routines in the evenings, that i struggle to get to bed earlier than 11. I have dinner at 7ish, then i have pudding and watch tv, then i go upstairs and have a snack and mess about on the comp while i eat my bedtime snack, hitting the sack at about 11pm... which isnt "late" but when youre up at 6 and on the go most of the day - it takes its toll.

Shit, yeah. from 6am to like 5pm im pretty much on the go all the time... no wonder im so freaking tired!!! God sometimes i hate how blinkered anorexia can make you. theres me going "yeah im not active at all. i just work all day and walk abit. ummm, distorted much?!?

i might try and do a table of what i actually do in a day so that i can see. Cos i often forget that just being active in your lifestyle or job IS still be active. i dont really count it unless its a "set" exercise timeframe... which means im probably way more active that i think i am.

or am i??? maybe im just kidding myself.

GAH! i dont know...

Anyways - ive rambled off again. Oh yeah. So my evening eating routine.... I do get antsy if i dont have that order of eating. In fact - id rather stay up later so i can fit in all the eating, that go to bed and skip it!!! Anorexia cant pinch that chill out time from me... evenings are when i feel comfortable eating, cos im not rushing about at work or anything... so i hate passing that up!!! But then its not healthy to pass on fun things like going out, cos i want to have my evening routine... which *shamefaced* i have done many times before.

But yeah, these later nights dont help my ongoing sleepyness. But its just the mornings that really drag me down. weirdly i used to be SUCH a morning person!!! i guess i still am when ive actually had some decent sleep... but lately ive wanted to stay in bed rather than jump up and face the day... 

could this be an anorexia thing? 

like maybe its to do with the fact that i wake up and straight away, im thinking i need to stretch?? cos its always in the back of my mind, that i have to get it "done" before i can start the day... 

hmm, maybe thats what is weighing on my unsleeping mind??

ARGH, im rambling!! and i REALLY have to get ready now... so back to the point! We're meeting in the pub for a quick drink and then we're going to this restaurant called Zizzi's for a meal before we hit the town :-) Im nervous! partly cos its food stuff and also cos i DO get cold and tired when im out and i always worry that ill be a party pooper and not be able to keep up with the others... Lets just say, im not the party animal that i was pre-illness!!! thats for damn sure :p even the idea of going out partying all night and not getting home till people are leaving the house the next day makes me tired!

but ill give it my best 

:-)

So, has anyone else got plans for their Friday Night?? Ooh.. Has anyone ever been to Zizzi's?!? if you have - gimme some recommendations for dishes please! i dunno what to have and since part of me is still clinging to the "have the lowest calorie thing on the menu", i really want to just be spontaneous and have whatever. Cos even the lowest cal thing is like 500cals so its like - GAH! whats the point?!?! its waaaay more than id usually have in a main meal anyways, so i might aswell go wild... i AM trying to get my bony ass into recovery after all.... So why bother holding back?!?

But as im sure you all know - thats easier said that done. Anorexia doesnt like to make allowances... its go hard or go home :( 

Well frankly - im not going home till that meal is WELL AND TRULY EATEN!!!!!! so anorexia can piss right off. HAH. (maybe if i get drunk enough, i wont even remember!!?!)

have a nice evening guys...

and TGIF!!!

 :-)