Phews...

....thank god im home!!!

Cos ive had yet another mad day! but it was good mad... and i even had some unexpected free time in the middle of the day, so decided to mosey into town. but who shud i bump into on the way but the mothership!!! she didnt see me at first cos she was parking her monster of a van, so i walked right up close to the window and did a mad stare at her till she realised it was me! hahahaha, she didnt have a scooby do what was going on, too funny :-p

So we had a little potter about the shops and it was really nice to see her! i felt very loving and warm towards her (which isnt always the case at the mo, she can be annoying as HELL!) but thats mainly cos we are so busy at home in the evenings, i get back and get on with work and stuff and she's always preparing stock for her fairs, that is when shes actually here!!! so to be out of that environment and have time together without work and stress and food and night-times, was very much needed! Aww, i love mother daughter time :-) and we do genuinely get on well, but by the time the evening rolls around, we're both tired and irritable and its just not the best kindof environment to be bonding!

It was a good day too, cos alot of the pupils are out of a PGL trip this week... sooo, the classes were even smaller than usual! in fact, in my last art lesson of the day, there were only THREE pupils!!! we had a great time painting a big olympics poster and they were so sweet, asking if we could always have lessons with just the four of us and that we should just permanantly get rid of the others.... bless em! 

Other than that i called up my doc to find out about the results of my blood tests (there was a unusual result in my thyroid test, but he says its nothing to worry about... we'll retest in a few months) and my zinc. Annoyingly my blood disorder is playing up again, so they have to keep me coming back in more frequently to moniter me again. Booooo. but better to be safe than sorry eh?! 

As for food-wise, the goodness continued on! I had another little revelation moment night last night, where i was just like " SOD this... i need to get better & i need to start doing this right" Cos i have trickled along in recovery, eating more, but still being active and not quite letting my ED guard down. It still takes up a BIG part of my mind, and i think thats cos ive still never fully let go of the control. Well if im gonna get better, i need to STOP the behaviours... all of them (obvs not all at once, but definitly eventually) in order to find peace and freedom from the disordered thoughts. Especially after yesterday, going to the pub for lunch and letting myself enjoy it... not letting the ED get in the way and make me feel guilty or incapable (which let me tell you, it certainly did for some of the group!!!) i was proud of myself, i did good. But i think when i got home it was just a bit overwhelming and i had a little cry cos i just felt so, i dunno... BLEGH!!! but that was partly cos of my tummy trouble and just feeling tired and low and stuff. I felt alot better today. and therefore, perfect time to crank it up a notch! bring on the "eat without guilt and walk only when i want to" YEEEAH boi! :-) Started off well, cos I didnt do any stretches this morning (it was a no-stretch day) which im pretty chuffed to have stuck with! but i have let little bits creep in. not a full stretch but then id do a few squats or whatever and not reaaaaally count it. well it counts doesnt it??? and it was hurting my knees so i managed to axe it today, and im gonna try my hardest to do another non-stretch day tomo and keep it up!!! i feel like im more in control at the mo, so i need to get tackling those challenges...  

Oh and to go with the spirit of doing challenges, i cracked open my new FAVE thing.... 

graze boxes!!!

if you are in the UK, you have got to get onto this... its the bomb diggity! You sign up online, browse through the yummy healthy treats they do and select the ones you wanna try. Then once a week, they send you a box of goodies in the post. PERFECTION!!!!

my friend gave me a trial box, so i signed up and my first one arrived yesterday. i was so excited!!! here's a sneaky peek at what i got....

There was a slice of banana bread, with a cute little herbal tea with it... then 3 dried fruits/nuts boxes. (there is alot more choice on the website but i had to whittle alot down due to the dairy issue) but yeah, go try it... its fab!! www.graze.com

Tomo im back on the unit... whoa these days are flying by fast. only TWO weeks left of term and then its holiday tiiiiiime! im still so unsure of what im doing this summer, im supposed to be going out the America again, but planning is proving tricky cos my friends are working and stuff :-( I REALLY hope it works out tho, i miss them and their positive happy lovliness!!! i cant believe its been almost a year since i was out there last.... i cant wait to see them again! Im just keeping my fingers crossed that it all works out, i am just super worried that i will be stuck at home with nothing to do and nothing to look forwards to..... that would suck big bananas!

Anyways, i dont wanna end on a bum note. so here is a pic of a two things i will be doing tomo, but with a cooler and MUCH funnier way....

double toast slices with breakfast... GAH!

and seeing my therapist! bahahaha :-p

have a happy humpday everyone!

x