Okaaay, so i left you guys in suspense on thursday morning as i trotted off wearing, OH YES.. my very attractive millets (the camping shop) waterproof trousers.
you cant deny the coolness!
i can safely say that i was 90% dry when i arrived at the unit, which was a definite improvement on the last time i had to walk through a rain-storm... i was drenched right thru to my pants! and to top it all off, i got TWO wolf-whistles... (ahh the 'irony wolf-whistle'... its gotta be one of my all-time faves :-p)
Did i feel silly walking about in what was effectively a pair of galoshes?! Hells No! i embrace the stupidity. cos unlike all those "cooolies" who forsake warm dry clothing for the sake of fashion... i arrived at my destination with all my clothing intact and un-soaked, i just peeled of the layers of "hahahaha, look at that girl!" clothing and TADA, clothes that are good to go :-) see, it pays to be forwards thinking, so i can laugh at all you wet soggy-socked sillies. LAUGH i say!!!
Right, so yeah. i was pretty chuffed with myself. Shall we move on??!?!
Sadly the day was abit of a bust. the weight that i had gained only two days before decided to vanish into thin air. I mean, WHAT the monkey?! i had gained quite a bit and so i knew that some of it would probs go once my stomach unblocked and i stabilised abit after the dodgy half term. but yeah. it was great timing since i went into my review with the big boss and he had another go at me for not making steady enough progress on my weight chart... "we are looking for a consistent upward trend clemmy". Yes i get that. but its not always that simple mister man. IM TRYING!!!
So yeah, im back to feeling guilty about being active again. i wish i could NOT do anything. but its bloody hard when i work all week. i know i could do less, but when im up and about, i DO like to be busy and doing stuff. its the downtime i have to deal with. Soooo in preparation for this weekend, me and the mothership just went to a discount store and stocked up on arty crafty materials for me to play with while im home alone this weekend :-)
WEEKEND CHALLENGE: (ooh i love me one of those!) i would like to actually sit and do something nice for me, not something i have to do for work, or something i feel has a purpose therefore is justified.... but something purely for the sake of it! i dont ever let myself just sit and relax. i cant read a book or watch a film or so anything like that by myself, i just wont let myself.... it reminded me of the time when i went for my bone scan and i actually enjoyed the time i spent laying on that scanny machine thing, cos it was one of the only times i let myself just lie down and chill for abit during the day and thats only cos someone else MADE me. How depressing is that?!?!
It looks like this weekends gonna be a wash-out weather wise, so hopefully that will help me to feel less guilty about sitting inside and NOT walking. but its still hard. i know the compulsion will be nagging at me, saying im lazy and unfit and bad. But how do you hold off giving into those feelings? I get them so often when it comes to exercise.... i just cant seem to fight through them by myself. Im fne when im distracted or with people, but on my own and i crumble. why cant i see that i wont die if i dont exercise!!?!! alot of people dont and nothing bad happens to them?! i cant seem to rationalise that if you dont exercise, you dont necessarily gain weight.
I do know that stepping things up is important right now tho, so today was another bump up on the food... my nutritionist gave me a wake-up call to my skimping bits of breakfast and lunches at our meeting yest. cos when im on the unit, i will eat it all... i dont have a problem with eating when i have time and im in a controlled environment. But when it comes down to me taking control, i flake out. I dont have toast with my cereal when im not at the unit, cos i dont eat alot of toast and i never have time in the mornings. I dont have enough lunch, cos im always pushed for time and i dont like feeling so full and sluggish when im teaching. But i cant use them as excuses or ill still be in the same place a year from now (i found my old diary lastnight. its not a journal, just a dates diary and i write down my weight... i literally am the SAME weight i was 2years ago when i started seeing my therapist) ive gone up a couple of lbs and gone back down a few... but ive stayed pretty consistent the whole time. URGH its pathetic.... So today i had a bigger bowl of cereal and took a cereal bar with me into work which i made myself have as soon as i got in. HARD but i did it :-)
Next step will be lunch, and then i have to work on sticking with it. Especially over this weekend, which is gonna be a challenge. but i need to see these as tester days for the upcoming summer break. i think i need to set out a day-plan or something? but i dont even know where to start!
should i block it out in hours? or by meals??? or activities???
i just dont knooooow!
ARGH! even having to make those decisions of 'what to do' is too hard for me! Can anyone give me some suggestions for a day-plan-layout?!?! i would totes appreciate it!
Right, friday night party people... i better go and get my slippers on like the old lady that i am! HAHA, everyone knows that saturday/sundays are the new fridays :-p
cos really...
theres NOTHING weird about a pig wearing cow slippers
have a good start to the weekend guys!
x
Sometimes I try to think about the days I have to rest/eat my required meals as a designated day for my body to heal itself. I'll be laying on the couch and thinking about my organs loving me, and my heart getting stronger, and my muscles being able to relax so they will have an opportunity to work harder or even grow in the future. It helps me to think like that, and think about the extra energy I'll have the next day since I allowed myself to rest the day before. Maybe that will work for you??
ReplyDeleteLove ya!