home furnishings?!

Umm... what exactly have they got to do with anorexia recovery??!?!!

absolutely NADA! in my opinion... but yet that is exactly where we went in our "lifestyles group" today. To a hone furnishings store. Hmm. the weirdness just gets weirder :-p

So yeah, back on the unit today. And another jump in weight, which i cannot deny is starting to freak me out a little. Im trying to see it as a positive thing. Cos i AM trying to gain weight after all. but its still hard to deal with. Especially when i havent quite managed to cut out exercise and reach my full MP. I want to get better, but i dont want to gain weight while im not doing what i should be, y'know?! Cos im terrified of being weight restored but STILL having these same fears and compulsions... yes i have been trying to cut back my walking and eating more and i only do my stretches on alternate days now, so im making progress, but i havent managed to cut out all my negative behaviours completely... I dunno, would that really make that much of a difference!? i didnt think it would, but evidently i was wrong! Oooh well. i guess i have to deal with it, right?! Cos in the past i might have gone down the old "ill restrict and walk MORE cos then ill feel better and be more in control..." yeah. and then id feel good about being lower so that i can start gaining again? whats that? POINTLESS you say?! here here. i agree :-) No, im not gonna restrict and be silly, cos i always end up feeling worse. it doesnt help and if i dont lose weight, then i get more and more frustrated! better to just stick it out, it might have gone down again by next week... i refuse to try and "control" the scale. it leads to bad things!

So im just gonna ignore that number... im gonna keep on going with what im doing. I may not be perfect, but im trying! so ill keep on trying. walking less and eating more and eventually, im sure... (well- i hope!) the weight will level off anyways and then ill have to address the next step of upping my MP and cutting more activity. I cant imagine that id gain a significant amount if im still not eating 2500 consistently and im still relatively active. so.... here goes!

It has been super sunny today and its gonna be nice again tomo, which is awesome for my pupils... cos its sports day!!! (not that im going, boooo) but i think im gonna take my junior classes outside for their lessons, since the school will be empty, i might aswell make the most of it! 

hope you have some sun with you... if your in the uk - MAKE THE MOST OF IT!!! apparently by thursday we'll be right back to rainy usual again :-p