boy, it is SCORCHIO people!!!! i just got home from the unit and i am literally sweating. a pleasant start to the post... i know!
Its been a so-so day... annoyingly, what used to be my favourite day on the unit, is now becoming the downer of the two. (its not bad, but i prefer tuesdays!) partly bcos i am STILL getting grief from the dietician... which is really starting to grind. i used to LOVE my dietician when i was op. shes a tough cookie and doesnt take crap, but i respected that. she was always fair.
well not anymore!!!
Its like whenever i try to ask for advice or help or something in the group, she shoots me down. when i try and join in, she rubuffs me. yet when someone else asks something, its all fine. WHAT the flunky?! And i know its not me being overly-sensitive. cos as soon as we got out of group again this morning, everyone was like, whats up with this??? cos its becoming an almost weekly occurence. i mean today she actually said i was ignorant cos i didnt know the conversions between ounces and grams... i said did it really matter, i was fine without knowing and id rather not start worrying about weighing food etc... and she said, that if i wanted to continue living in ignorance, then that was my choice. Ummm, can i get an "ohemGEEEEE"?!?!?! seriously. she needs to get over whatever grumbles she has with me, cos im not gonna sit with it much longer. especially since she KNOWS she does it, cos then when i fall silent, she comes all nicey nicey and pats my arm and asks what i think, trying to make up for it. but its so transparent!
i dunno. its weird, cos i dont think she is actually being nasty on purpose. cos we DO get on... and i do like her, not like the stupid, insensitve USELESS key-worker nurse lady (who ironically, i dont have to see anymore, she gave up on me... yipeee!) but its different... more like she's just got some other issues going on and is taking it out on me?? either way, im gonna find out why... its my new mission! just call me nancy drew!!! ill take any opportunity to get my detective on :-p she's away next week, but after that its ON....!!
ooh, is that a secret hidden message?!
nope... its just my mealplan increases
So yeah. grumble grumble. my weight dropped abit again after the whole "avoiding the toilet" situation on tues. DUMB thing to do, i know. but hey... we can all be idiots sometimes! So she was all, "meeh, we need to upp your MP in the unit if you cant do the bigger dinners yourself". i am SO full at the unit, cos its literally eating dense stuff every hour, she already said it would be hard to get my MP up more while im there, but its my fault i guess. if im not managing to keep the weight stable and consistent in the gains, then its the only way... it is their job after all!!! so this week i have to really show them that i can, otherwise its crunch time. i dont wanna end up adding back more days and spending my summer stuck in that place. GOD no!!! so, i have to make the choice. stay stuck and scared and dont try, which will result in then end up being shoved back in there full time till august, losing some of summer and having to gain on the upped MP anyways, or do it at home with stuff i like and not forcing food on top of food every 10mins... Hmm, tough call!!! i know what id rather do. but i have to suck it up and actually DO it. not just say i will... talk is cheap. its ACTION that counts now.
Anyways. im gonna take of my "ED" head now, no more dwelling on the days events etc. tomo the whole school is going to the zoo for trips day, so im looking forwards to that! thankfully it doesnt look like it will be quite as hot tomo, otherwise we'd be sweltering!!! but im taking a big bottle of water anyways... and plenty of snacks, cos i know what zoo food is like. heavy on the chips and ice creams... i guess they save all the healthy veggies for the animals!!! :-p
too many beans perhaps?!
Im gonna take my camera, so hopefully ill get a few good snaps of the animals.... and im not just talking about those cheeky monkeys ill be chaperoning!!!
have a good day everyone!
x
Oh I loooooove the Zoo! Jealous over here! Good plan taking snacks with you, BUT, Clemmy - you should be eating the chips they sereve there (sucky dairy allergy so not the ice cream). YOU NEED THEM!
ReplyDeleteYou need to step it up girly! You have made massive progress in the unit so far, but you need to jump in fully if you're going to beat this thing. Can your Mum not be in charge of evening meals (and be prepared for your inevitable ED fight?) if you can't keep up your eats on your own either your Mum will have to make the meals (and you accept that and eat it regardless), or, full on unit fun. What's the better option?
You really can do this Clemmy, your 'non stretch days' are great but there need to be more of them (i.e 7). Nobody is forcing you to walk/move/stretch but you so show yourself it is possible!
I hope this doesn't sound harsh because it's not meant to be, you're doing really well but I think you can push yourself a lot harder than you are. Step it up and get ready to enjoy your summer!
Have fun at the Zoo missy, hope it's not too hot for you (it's torrential rain here!) xx
You're so funny! I remember when I was stuck in the obsessive eating-300-calories-a-day phase and I just could not feel happy or upbeat in the slightest. I love how you see the fun side of life despite fighting this thing; it's pretty impressive :) I love it! x
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