home sweet home

Aaaaaand im back!!

*once i barged open the front door from all the post*

whats this - more presents!?!

I cant tell you how nice it feels to be out of that house, my sister was making it really hard for me and i just felt suffocated. Like i had nowhere to hide. Urgh!

But im home now, which is cool... but i dunno. i feel kindof flat. i think im coming down with the cold that my mum has (grrreat... she's been a runny-nosed, tissue-faced, bag-of-fun all week, so i cant wait for that) But yeah. i dont feel like im excited to be home, im glad to be away from my sis - sure... but i wish i had somewhere to go that made me feel truly happy and excited to be there. I guess im just coming to the end of my time here... I can see the end and its just winking at me over a good 7months of "still gotta finish up the year" stuff. WELL - at least i have a plan! So, roll on summer so i can get out of here and go travelling... Cos if this christmas has taught me anything its that i desperately need some space and distance from all this. i need to go and find out who i am and who i want to be... cos this way of life just aint cutting it for me anymore!!!

Anyways. After a sleepless night (the dog was ill again) We were woken up early cos she needed to go out. So after a quick pee-walk, i went back to bed and slept most of the morning while mum and the sis did their vintage stock stuff... Ahh, i needed the zzz's. And more in fact, cos i was then pretty much out of it for all of the drive home!! i reckon im just mentally and physically exhausted. Christmas really does take it out of you! But then add to that all the additional stress-times. Well, its safe to say its pooped this party out, flat-tyre style......

this could well have been me!!

we got back at about 2ish,  so this afternoon me and the mumatron have just mooched at home, i went to the shop and picked up some stuff for dinner but i just had some spicy crisps as a snack and now my stomach feels uber-dodgy and i dont know what i feel like having :s oh well - plenty of time... i hate that i get antsy about it already, its like 4pm! Anyways, i think we are gonna chill and watch a film or tv or something in a min... just relax for the last little smidge of the festive week before no doubt its back to business tomo. so that shud help!

Im really determined not to slip back into old habits now that im home (whole week of no stretches and minimal walking - woopwoop!!) so tomo i am going to get up when the mumatron does and that way ill have to eat my breakfast at a decent time.... so hopefully i can start getting hungrier and include snacks and lunch. i NEED to get my food intake up. its no good to just keep having little snacky bits of fruit here and there and then skip lunch cos im full and ignore snacks cos i dont feel hungry or feel like i dont "need" them if im just sitting around all day. I havent ballooned from not doing my usual activity, so i need to keep that up... and now the next step is to show my ED that i wont balloon in weight/size if i start eating more. Urh, its gonna be hard!

I think distraction is the key!!!

hopefully - the less time i have to think about it, the less it will impact my eating

Sooo, im gonna pop into town tomo and check out the sales as i still need to find an xmas pressie from my mum. altho im not that fussed to be honest! then im gonna go round to my friends and catch up with my girlies :-) a chilled day methinks. with absolutely NO NEED TO RUSH ABOUT!!! im gonna have to be very strict with myself! even just walking to the shop i was like "ooooh, this is nice. its NICE to be outside and walking" and i could have very easily gone off for a stroll, but i came back with the food and said NOPE. ive walked today.... i dont need to do anymore. i know how easy it is for me to slip from a "nice stroll" into powermarching up and down hills so that i "feel" something!!! no thanks, i dont wanna have to go through all this again!

So there you have it

Home again Home again Joggity Jog 

does anyone else use that saying?!? not that theres any jogging involved. haha.

Have a nice afternoon you guys, im off to read my book and watch all the catch ups of christmas TV that we recorded. Luuuurvely :-)