warning, there is some CHEESE in this post!

Noooo, not THAT kindof cheese.....

Im talkin the "IM SO HAPPY TO BE ALIVE!!!!" kinda cheese!

The kindof cheese that makes this ordinarily overly cynical, dry-humoured, wry girl sing LAALALAALALAAAAA at the top of her voice, just because its a beautiful fresh Autumn morning and she is finally feeling well enough to join her mama on a morning walk with the pooch :-)

Yup people, IM BACK!

I feel like myself again, im not wobbling about like bambi or spending more time in the bathroom than is strictly normal! Yipeeeeee.

Even yest i was still a little hmmmmm-ish (if thats a word?!) y'know how it is, still abit worried about doing too much, still wary about eating those tummy troubling foods that you have to avoid when sick... Buuuut, this morning when i got up i felt ok, i felt like it was time to get back to me :-)

And that meant a lovely morning stroll to breathe in the crisp air and get dew drenched trainers

but especially... JUMPING IN LEAVES!!!!

Yes, you might think im a little old for such madness... but who cares! ive been off work for a week, my sensible teacher hat has been replaced by a warm winter beanie and i wanna play!!!! (altho can i say how excited i am to get back to work on monday!) ive actually missed the place! plus its only a week till im off for a week again... god bless half term :-)

But anyway, this week off has given me time to think about how precious life is, especially in terms of what i want from mine... In a nutshell, I want more!

I dont want to look back in ten years time and think about all the things i missed out on, i dont want to have regrets... and more than anything, i DONT want to be stuck in this ED influenced situation then. NO SIREE!

I really think that by being bedbound and having time to reflect on all the stuff ive been dealing with lately has helped me put things in perspective... I dont want to waste anymore of my life on this eating disorder, i want my life back!!! Its my future and if i dont claim it back, it'll be stolen from under my nose.... its daylight robbery people!!!

Anyways, from now on im taking charge... i have both nutritionist AND therapt appts on monday morning, and im going to have to face up to the realisation that i will have lost weight this week :-( BUT, that is just more incentive to work harder at recovery... cos im proof of how easy it is to get sick and loose weight. But what i must do now, is fight ED to get me back into a helthy state and the onwards.... we need extra weight to protect us from illness, thats why in recovery its best to go further and have a safety buffer zone if you like, to protect us from ED getting his nasty claws in if we DO suffer an unplanned weightloss, so its gonna be tough. but i can do it...

there is no alternative now in my eyes :-)

So here begins the journey of building back up to full strength... which i hope will be alot easier than having to "scale back"... so with foods, i can reintroduce a healthier approach to the protein/carb/veg ratio... making sure i get enough of what i need rather than replaceing some things with "safer" alternatives. Also i can bring back a small level of activity without feeling like i need to being active all day long.... rest is important. and its not that scary!!!!

So all in all, its been a tumultuous week, but if there's one thing ive leaned its that....

It sucks being ill, but it sure as hell makes you appreciate getting better!

Have a fantastic weekend lovely readers...

oh, and if you happen to pass a pile of leaves...

go for it, JUMP ON IN!!

xxx