Morning lovelies, its yet another beautiful day out here and im glad to say, im finding my feet abit better now....
It is INCREDIBLEY tough to rid myself of these ED thoughts, but a very wise friend told me that a holiday is a chance to indulge and enjoy without the restrictions of everyday life... Everyone else around me is kicking back and relaxing, so i know that its me thats the one with the disordered thinking... not them! ED is telling me to lose weight, to use this holiday as an excuse not to eat... but why shud i listen? it just makes me feel sh*t, it doesnt want me to be happy and have fun, it wants control and isolation, and you know what... im fed up of giving it what it wants.
what about what I want?!?!?!
So, things i want to achieve this holiday (whats left of it!!!)
- I want to relax and be comfortable with whatever changes come my way, NOT planning and stressing and generally being a pain in the ass.
- I want to ease up my control around food. If someone offers me something, i CAN take it.... If someone else is cooking dinner, i dont need to "supervise" to see what theyre putting in it, (i mean how annoying to have someone looking over ur shoulder as you cook?!?!)
- I want to EAT a bloody CROISSANT!!!!! im in france, the birthplace of the croisasant, and there are little patisseries selling fresh baked goods all over the place, this is not a stodgy tesco's pre-made additive filled croissant, this is a freshly made, traditional style GOOD croissant... and i know i will regret not having one if i dont :-p
- I want to stop worrying about exercise. I still do my stretches in the morning, but i dont NEED to.... if i want to, fine... but i dont want ED to guilt me into ruining my holiday lie-ins just to get up and do abs work. for gods sake, its not doing me any GOOD anyway!!!)
I think 4 aims is a good target... i do want to ENJOY my holiday too, not just ticking of challenges that i may or may not be able to achieve. OOH, that shud be my number 5....
5. I want to be free from my own pressure. If i dont manage to achieve these aims, i wont beat myself up about it, ill remember that i am in recovery at the moment. and its not a n easy place to be! SO i will roll with the punches, reward myself for positives and just work harder at the negatives.
Thats Better!!!
Phew, i feel drained now... i better go have a lie down in the sun! :-p
Oh and in case you were wondering about the title post.... yeaaaa, i might have got a little bit sun-crazy over the past 3days, im not one to tan, but i do enjoy being in the sun... well, i have now turned from strawberry mini-milk (acceptable shade of pale pink...) to strawberry calippo (worrying shade of bright RED!!!) i think im gonna take it easy in the sun today :-)
Strawberry Mini-MIlk
Strawberry Calippo!
Hope you all liked my ice-lolly skin tone comparisons :-p
Do you tan or burn in the sun??
If you're onw of those naturally bronzed people, lord i envy you!!!
i am a pinky mishmash of english fairness!
Have a tan-tastic thursday if its sunny with you!
Oh and uk peeps, whats it like back home??? id hate to think its sunny the ONE time i leave the country!!!
xXx
Hey hun! im so happy to hear u in such a positive mindset and enjoying ur break away. Youre right, dont let recovery take over your holiday, but use it as a opportunity to challenge yourself, relax, tan yourself and EAT a croissant :) they are yum!. If in doubht ask yourself, will I regret NOT doing this longterm and will this make an impact on my recovery, if the answer is yes to these, then DO IT! enjoy, fi
ReplyDeletexxxxx
I get freckles!!!! And sunburns :b Some lucky ducks just tan really well!
ReplyDeleteI think your goals are great:) They're both realistic and yet challenging at the same time, and I know how hard it is to achieve them. I'm rooting for you!
I know exactly what you mean! I feel that way sometimes too. But everyone deserves to have a break and just ENJOY, indulge, and smile. I love your goals and think they are great :)! You can DO IT! I hope you are having an awesome time!
ReplyDeleteI have really light skin as well, I always burn but then it turns into a tan. Too bad my tans always fade in like 3 days! Haha, I envy those who have that natural tan too!