no more rain please

ARGHHHHHH i hate the rain!!!!

Normally, i wouldnt be quite so hating of it. but today it was not what i needed....

After a very nice therapy session, thankyou very much! i was walking back home when, suddenly, completely out of nowhere, it decided to pour down with rain. Now im not talking a mere drizzle peeps, im talking thunder, lightning & raindrops the size of my head....

its safe to say i was soaked thru within seconds. GAH.

If only ID been wearing my spiderman outfit!!!

BUT to top it all off, as i sped up the last part of the main road before turning into my street, which annoyingly has very little in the way of pavement... A group of about 6 cars drove past and EACH and EVERY one splashed me with the full G-force effect. This road isnt too clean either, so i was drenched with the scummy remnants of my neighbours takeaways, tramp pee and dog muck.... yes, it was epic.

As these cars sped by with the drivers safe inside their little shell of metal rain-proofness, i yelled blue murder!!! (not actual blue murder, but the words i used were somewhat unprintable, hehe) And even tho I know it didnt achieve a whole lot, BOY did it make me feel better!!! (after this i turned into my street, got into my house and promptly burst into tears :-p)

Hey, sometimes you've just gotta let it out!!!

Have any of you been caught out in the rain recently?? This weather is driving me crazy, i never know if im gonna need suncream or an umbrella... or both!

Anyways... back to therapy. I gained again!!! only a little bit, but enough to keep what i gained last week and add some :-) my therapist was pleased as this now takes me out of the dangerzone BMI level and i am no longer on hospital admission watch. yay!!!

This doesnt mean that i can slack off tho, which is something im ashamed to admit i did a bit this past week... after last weeks substantial gain, i kindoooof thought it wasnt such a big deal, but i realise that it really is and that if im going to do this properly, then making sure that i am consistant with it is SO important. Now im lucky that i didnt slip back this week, but i know how easy it IS to lose, so i must make sure that i dont forget that.... especially since im going away on holiday next week and i wont be having therapy till i get back, which ends up being 2 weeks from now.... I know what i have to do, but he has warned me of how easy it is to slip up when your away in a different environment away from home and safe foods etc... so i must stay strong. Im at a very crucial point right now, it would be easy to go either way, but i need to make sure that i go the right way... fighting ED at this stage is still hard, but i know that if i get past this first big hurdle and get out of the dangerously low weight level, then it WILL get easier.... (i hope!)

Anyone have any stories to justify this & put my mind to rest?!?!

Plus i have made a real concious effort to cut down on my exercise levels, only walking to and from where i need to go, which im very pleased about! however, this has resulted in my anxiety levels shooting up and i feel like im sitting around being lazy and this makes me feel guilty for eating more. I just keep thinking "If i am more or less sedentary, surely this will affect the distribution of my weight gain?". Its a constant battle in my head with this, i guess i need to keep fighting those thoughts, i just cant seem to find a way of turning the no-exercise thing from a negative into a positive..... I'll need to find a way soon tho, cos come next week, ill be stuck in a villa with no activity to be done except sitting on a sunlounger topping up my (non-existant) tan!!

Luckily mum has said she'll take her new laptop out with us and i think there is internet connection there, so fingers crossed ill be able to continue using some of the support that i have been so lucky to get through you wonderful bloggers. I have come to think of the people this community as friends and i am so grateful for the help and advice that you have provided me with.... something i struggled to find elsewhere.

what can i say... you guys rock :-)

xxx