i love a good quiz, me...

Hello there Sunday readers, i hope you've all had a chilled and restful day.... 

i know i have :)

no mocking my tabloid choices please!

Ahh, is there anything better than having a lazy morning with the sunday papers?! It seems like i might be coming around to the idea of relaxing and taking some "me" time! Haha. Thats not to say i dont feel lazy about being lazy, but i dont beat myself up about lying in for another hour, or sitting about and reading magazines with the mumatron... Thats nothing to feel guilty for, thats NICE! and its important to remember that the anorexia takes away all the simple pleasures like spending time with friends and family. It doesnt like you to be sociable, thats too risky... So trying to re-build those relationships is a very important and worthwhile part of recovery. Cos friendship and good family connections are waaay more important than anorexia!!! 

Anyways, after what seemed like the day of rain and cold yesterday - today was glorious by comparison! Bright sunshine and not too cold. So after a nice easy morning, the mothership headed out to a lunch thing and i decided to stop being a house-hermit and make the most of having the pooch back for the weekend :-)

I had originally planned to meet up with my lovely preggo friend and her housemate. But the housemate was feeling under the weather and the preggo had lunch plans so wouldnt be back till later. I didn't really fancy a night-time hang (its dark by 4pm these days and i quite like being back home and warm in the evenings...) call me a bore, but its winter... and winter = hibernation time!!!

Soooo instead i thought, well i may not have any set "plans" but that doesnt mean i have to revert back to anorexi anxieties about empty time. I realised this is the first weekend that i havent done anything on at least ONE of the two days. I did have plans, but i actually cancelled in favour of spending time resting and feeling better after the nightmare of last week. CRAZY!!!! i guess maybe the anorexic "hold" that tells me opting to stay in and chill is BAD as opposed to going out and walking/restricting is lessening??? i sure as hell hope so! its been a full week of not walking to and from school and i will admit that it doesnt feel quite so scary anymore. I still WANT to walk and when i start it IS hard to keep it in check. but i dont feel like id have to go out in the rain/snow/cold anymore (like yest, when i looked out the window and thort... naaaah) so that is a nice feeling!!!

But when todays plans went out the window and i started to feel abit anxious that this was effectively TWO days of sitting about doing nothing. Now even tho if id have gone round my friends we most likely wouldnt have done much anyway, but somehow i can rationalise that cos im with other people and that makes it easier. But being by myself is scary... i have no comparisons and i feel like everyone else is out being active etc. But thats something i have to work through. And altho today was hard, i think i did ok! I kept myself in check... :)

uh-oh... so many leeeeeeaaaaves!!!

I went out for a walk and like the last time i took the dog out, i set off with the aim to take it easy. It is always a revelation to me that i can walk without feeling pain and punishment. That it IS possible to walk and just walk, not to power-march about like a madwoman.... i do still find that i start to slip into speed-walk mode, but as soon as i notice (or feel it!) i slow down. now THATS a change :-) Another change is that by walking at a slower more relaxed pace, i enjoy it for much longer... its not a case of bashing out the obligatory 30mins and then collapsing when i get home cos ive reached my target and can therefore be allowed to rest. Nope! I didnt check my watch cos i was just ambling about... but when we'd walked about abit, i felt like i wanted to play in the leaves for a bit... So we did! and then we found a stick to wrestle with ( which was WAY too big for the pooch, but hey - she has little dog syndrome :p) And then some other dogs were about so we went to say hi and do the necessary nose-arse greeting (the dogs, not me.. i try to be a little bit classier than that!) And it didnt feel like a chore... i wasnt desperate to keep walking to maintain my "time", i stopped and chatted and petted the other dogs. it wasnt a BAD thing like i used to think it was. i thought stopping made me weak... i see now that all it did was make me a victim to anorexia's control. Not cool!

action shot!!

Anyways, when we got home it'd been a good hour... but it really didnt feel like it. I dont believe that i would be able to be completely sedentary without feeling extremely lazy and claustrophobic. but i think this is an okay balance... it was a nice day, so i went out and enjoyed it. i didnt go yesterday. i will be back at work tomo (and taking the moped again) So i think thats ok??? what do you think? 

I know im still shooting myself in the foot cos im still not eating enough (i missed lunch both today and yest cos i woke up late and then i find it hard to eat more during the day) but i AM eating at school and being less active. I know its no excuse, but im trying to tackle one thing at a time. 

What i do want to know is if anyone knows if this will be affecting my physical recovery. i mean DUR obvs it means i wont gain weight very fast. but since im still trying to come to terms with the fact that i might NOT actually balloon just cos im less active, its hard to justify eating alot more when im not hungry. Im not asking for a pass to restrict - honest! I just want to know if it is okay to take it step by step. I want to get another week of not walking and eing less active generally so that i can prepare for the xmas holidays, THEN i want to get my eats up, maybe by a couple of hundred every 1/2 a week? i know thats slow-poke prpgress, but ive tried to do the eat more thing before and it just ended up with me wanted to exercise more. and the exercise is something im REALLY trying to cut out. cos when im eating WITH other people, i will eat... but i would always get very anxious and try to walk it off, so i want to be ok with just being able to sit and chill. Cos otherwise this holiday could potentially slip RIGHT back to the past holiday experiences. and those were miserable, so i dont want to be miserable again for xmas... i love xmas!!! 

Right, so ive rambled on for long enough. Id like to move swiftly ON to this fab award that i was awarded by not one, but TWO lovely bloggers! So thankyou to these two beauties :-)

Rules:-When you receive the award, thank the person who gave it to you and include the link to their blog in your post.
-Post 11 things about yourself.
-Answer the 11 questions of the person who nominated you.
-Choose up to 11 bloggers with less than 200 followers.
-Create 11 questions for your nominees.
-Inform the nominees of their nomination

Now ive always been abit of a rule-breaker.... but since im sure alot of people have already been nominated, i dont want to double tag anyone. So im gonna do things abit differently! Im gonna answer the Qns and then open it up to ANY of you to choose one of the Qns to answer yourself so that i can find out about YOU guys :-)

So here goes....

1. What were you doing an hour ago? I had just got back from walking my little grubface <3 li="li">
2. What are your 3 favourite things to do/past times? I like to walk (either with my dog, with friends, with my music on...) i like to teach (which helps that its my job!) and i LOVE to shop, but sadly it just gets me down at the mo, cos i dont fit the clothes the way that id like to...
3. Whats your favourite animal? call me biased, but my little dog is the CUTEST. im def more of a dog person than a cat one.
4. Whats your favourite things about blogging? Def connecting with other people who understand and support you. i never feel alone/misunderstood with you guys around!
5. What do you want to be doing in 10 years time? Id like to be settled somewhere, possibly with a family and definitely a healthy ED free mind.
6. Take out your Ipod/mobile/MP3/spotify etc and put it on shuffle and write down the first 5 songs that come up! YEE! ok soooo: Circles by Incubus, A lack of Colour by Death Cab for Cutie, Deep Honey by Goldfrapp, Dancing Shoes by Arctic Monkeys aaaaand Blue Jeans by Lana Del Rey. Oh i love this, i havent listened to some of these in ages. Man i love me some Lana Del Rey :-)
7. Favourite tv shows Ive just started watching lots of obscure ones online and i keep getting into them and then realising that they only made one series... gutted!!! so instead of all the usual "come dine with me" "90210" type ones, ill go abstract so you can check out these goodies. im LOVING girls, it rocks. Check out Twentysomething - a quirky australian show and i love the familyfun in Ben and Kate... finally one i only started watching lastnight: I just want my pants back. Yup. you can tell im starting recovery cos im WELL onto the tv show watching :p
8. 3 favourite meals/food? This is hard, cos my eating is still very disordered... but ill do a day of what i like now and what i think i might like if i wasnt a wimp!!! So breakfast: now - oats and cereal with berries mixed in. wish- waffles or pancakes?? lunch: i love m&s's hummus and butternut squash wrap OR a 6" turkey sub. Dinner: this is the hardest. i like making pitta pizzas now, but id love to branch out to REAL pizzas and pasta and all the yummy italian style food i used to enjoy. GAH! one day... i will get there with this.
9. Do you prefer cosy nights in, or going out? I think despite having been quite the wild child party girl in my "youth", since getting ill and now not being able to drink, i have become much more of a homebody. Night in with friends and a dvd is grand in my eyes! (call me old.....)
10. What is your best quality? Im honest and trustworthy. I always try to help people if i can...
11. Do you like blogging? No, i hate it. AS IF!!! why would i be here?!?! i loves it. and i loves you guys for reading this!! HA!

So there you go, i answered some questions... i did some sunday reflections... and now i have to go make some dinner and get my shizz together for work tomo.

happy sunday folks! 

Here's to a great week :-)

(well, ill settle for a better one than last week anyway!!!)