yup, yes, yeah...

Its true... i love me some weekend action these days...!

Which to be honest, is a big old turnaround cos I remember not-so-long-ago, weekends were a real worry for me. Id feel lazy for not being as active or as busy and therefore id force myself to go walking, isolating myself from any other opportunities to do things, then inevitably STILL feel guilty about eating - something which was heightened by the fact that i ate very little all day.

Oh lordy.

I wont say that my weekends are totally care-free now, there not. i still struggle with empty time, but instead of isolating myself and hiding away, i actively TRY and go and do things! meet up with friends, chill out round someones house, take a day trip. Anything to get me out of the house and away from the temptations of compulsive exercise....

Food is still an issue, i tend to laze about in the mornings which means i end up having breakfast later than i would on a weekday. I then miss my morning snack and often just grab a snack for lunch instead. which isnt great... Especially since by the evening, i WANT to make up for it with a big dinner but the consequences of semi-starvation all day means my head is all loopy and twaddled and i find it hader to justify eating at all.

This is something ive really noticed lately... the more i eat, the less afraid of eating i AM. not to say i dont still feel guilt after eating certain things, or eating more or eating at a "not-normal" time. but i try to honour my hunger as much as i can... cos i know that when i restrict, i find it harder to then eat the next thing. which is just a pain in the ass for no reason!

The one thing that still gets me stressy about the weekends, is that i compare them to the weekdays. i STILL get sucked into that "but im so much more active during the week, i shouldnt eat as much at the weekend cos its not equal..." i mean REALLY?!?! its silly, i know. But until i start reducing that walking during the week, im still gonna find the weekends hard to deal with, cos theres always going to be an unequal exercise divide. Soooo, im really crossing my fingers for this bloody moped to get fixed soon! he sid the end of this week, but i texted him yesterday and no reply. Hmmm. dontch just LOVE mechanic-y people?! i know he's busy, but i am sooooo close to just getting my head straight on this "must... not... walk... anymore..." thing, that i dont want it to trickle away cos im walking more and therfore dont want to give it up.

GAH! Im gonna give him a call in a bit, so moving away from that.... 

Aaaaand onto lastnight... aka: girls night!!!

Ah it was funtimes :-) Its been a long week and to be honest, i was almost not wanting to go and have our little chill-smoke-dvd-fest. I was tired, id had cover and it was cold as balls yesterday. But my friend had had a tough week too, she'd been in tears on thurs with all the preggo hormones and shizz, so i was like "suck it up clemdawg"...! 

Boy am i glad i did, cos it was laughs ahoy. We had a boogie round the kitchen with some chooooons, then ordered some food, vegged out in front of 30rock, realised that we'd talked through the entire first episode and STILL didnt understand what was going on. turned it off and put kevin mcleod's grand designs on instead... love us some kevin mcleod!!! It was so nice to just feel warm and cosy and accepted in their home. I felt very chill (blame the weed?!) but yeah, it was good :-)

I think im gonna go round and do some baking there today. urh, its so much nicer hanging out there than in my own home! is that weird?!?! 

Anyways. im hoping this will be a good and happy weekend, NOT a work stressed one... i have a ton of stuff to do, reports... assessments... subject policies and a parents eve on tues... but i wont let that ruin my two days of freedom!!! work will still be waiting when i get back to school on monday. 

Im only human after all!

and humans need time off to be silly....

FACT!

Hope you all have a super weekend and remember to dance like a loon in your kitchen! 

cos it sure as hell feels good to let go.... 

:-)