slummmmmbah

Ok so i have to admit... i pretty much slept/lazed through the whole of today!!!

Now to most people this would be normal, but not to me! I am the QUEEN of inventing things to do so that i get out of the house and go for a walk etc. But i just dont feel as compelled to do that anymore, which ohmygod is SO freeing! I wont pretend i dont get some little twinges of guilt, hells yeah! i feel bad about the fact that i essentially havent left the house ALL day. but i wont let that stop me from resting and keeping warm while it pisses down with rain outside. Haahahha (yes, the weather may have been an influencing factor in my decision to stay homestead all day :p)

But all in all, i feel like i honoured my body. i listened to it and treated it with kindness... which is another unknown thing for me. I am so used to pushing my body to its limitations. almost testing it, willing it to break down again and get sick.... its wrong i know, but its the same way that people test people in relationships, almost to see how far they can get before breaking point.

But since last week was so killer, i mean i really was close to tears on a few occasions just cos i was SO tired and SO overwhelmed with work and URGH.... it was just too much, yknow? So after slogging it through the rest of the week, getting my lesson observation done (it went well, thank god) and all my reports written and submitted (saved to memory stick, just in case!) I got home lastnight and crashed.

i was supposed to be going out, but i just coudnt face it, i havent slept well over the past few nights and the stress has been affecting me physically too. i always get "stress stomach" and to top that off with anxiety about not walking (which is something i usually do to ease my stomach issues) and youve got a recipe for a whacked out clembot!

So i bailed out. i set myself up in front of the tv with a hot water bottle on my belly and i just rode out the evening till i crawled into my cosy bed and slept.....

and slept.....

.....and shut off my alarm and slept some more!!!

It was much needed 

:-)

So i feel abit better now. the mumatron came home today which was nice cos she isnt doing a fair this weekend. me and the grubster had a little cuddle fest 

oh how ive missed my boo!!!

and we went to the supermarket, after which the niceness ended. as we got to the checkout, the mothership was like "it comes to HOW MUCH?!?!?!" ah yes. my little fruit/veg addiction. what can i say.... it aint cheap yo :-s

She basically said that it has to stop, she cannot afford to buy my food anymore and she doesnt think that its healthy to be spending so much money on fruit and veg. Most people dont buy that much fresh produce and she's right... its not normal and i certainly wont be able to afford to live like this long-term, not to mention the fact that its not exactly aiding my recovery. So yeah, i guess the platefuls of salad and large-ass fruit salads need to be reigned in. I do know this already, but for some reason its still very hard to get out of the habit. Especially when they are foods that i DO enjoy so much. But, I guess its a case of everything in moderation... if i want to gain weight i need to stop being such a wimp and increase my carbs (scareeeeeey) and reduce my fruit&veg (sadface) 

after all: 

woman cannot live on lettuce leaf alone

But the weird part is, i wouldnt MIND eating other stuff. but i just dont have a clue where to start. I look in cookbooks and think "mmm, that looks nice". but then i dont make them cos its just seems so daunting to me... im almost scared to TRY and make it. cos it looks too good for little old "me" to have. I need some help here guys... what kindof things do you like to cook? ive got the breakfast and lunch thing down. but in the evenings, i just dont have a clue what is normal to have for a meal!!!

ideas on a postcard please!

have a great weekend everyone

:-)