sleeeeepy

I cant believe its already the afternoon/evening...

Where the hell did today go?!?!

I think after my busy week, i just crashed out. Cos i literally feel like i have slept through most of today!!

soooo gooooood

Here's the basic rundown for anyone who might be even remotely interested:

7am: woke up - cursed the people making noise in the street outside my window -went back to sleep  

9am: actually got up, faffed about in the bathroom then sat outside and snoozed on my sun lounger 

'god knows when' am:  woke up and realised that i had obviously conked out. 

I still hadnt yet had breakfast so i quickly ATE - felt abit sick so thought about going for a walk in the sun

Fell asleep on my bed 

Woke up and cursed myself for being a lazy bum - pulled on some shoes and went out for a stroll.

Came home and felt unproductive - wrote this post.

now ive just gotta figure out how to fly this mutherfudgsicle

Does anyone else get those kindof days where you feel like all you are good for is being a sleepmonster. even when i went outside i had to put my sunnies on to disguise the fact that my eyes were still about 80% closed!!! sleepwalking is my bitch.

I refuse to feel bad tho. I know i need my rest. i woke up this morning and rolled over on my bed and caught a glimpse of my bony shoulders in the mirror. YURRRGH. get some meat on you girl... guess those people were right, its NOT easy to gain weight without major force-feeding :(

if only it were this easy 

(and my paws were this fast)

But, generally my keeping busy and surrounding myself with positive people thing is going well! After my last post on weds, i went to see the boys sister on thurs - which was lovely! it was a super warm day so we actually bailed out on the cinema in the end (who wants to sit in a dark room on a sunny day?!) So we walked around town - she showed me all the cute little shops and galleries that the boy didnt think to take me to! haha. and we planned a fun night out to welcome him home when he gets back and settled... a good day all in all! I got home pretty late cos the trains were being bumflaps. engine overheating, tracks getting too hot, SORT IT OUT NATIONAL RAIL!!!! they are so useless....

Anyways, i got home in the end and was pleased cos back in the day, i would've been panicking about eating late and not being able to carry out my usual evening routines. but ive been feeling so much more easygoing with change and stuff lately - it was fine! In fact yesterday, my friends and i organised an impromptu lunch at the pub we normally drink at after work... We always say "ooh itd be nice to get lunch here" and never have time when we're at school... so yesterday we were like - lets do it! I had a mini "gah!" moment... but i rode it out and enjoyed the fact that i was with my friends, enjoying a nice warm summers day and grabbing some food. NOTHING SCARY HERE YO!!!

why cant I think like this???

Sometimes i amaze myself with the fact that i CAN do this, for so long i felt bad and guilty that i was trying but failing on every turn. I guess the pressures i put on myself where too great. plus the constriction of being so busy at work and always putting other things first meant that i was never fully able to JUST. STOP..

Well luckily, the only thing i wanted to achieve this summer - was to get healthier before i went to Australia! and i guess having that as motivation along with the quite limited time-frame, has helped spur me on. I know i still have a long way to go and im by no way over my issues. I still done eat freely and i am restrictive on what i eat (something thats really bugs me - id like to go balls to the wall, but i just never feel hungry for it) Realistically, i dont think i will have gained enough weight to be considered healthy by the time i go in two months. BUT if i have gained something - physically AND mentally - then thats a step in the right direction. Im definitly on a more positive, proactive roll now and that is something that i will continue to push on with. And believe me, im grabbing any opportunity to give my ED a shove that i can! no more hiding behind lame excuses with this girl!!! And thats something that should hold me in good stead for next week, cosssss it looks like its gonna be another crazy busy one! Let me think... there's a BBQ at a friends place (one of my " ED checklist" to-do's right thurr) A pubquiz DRINKING night (to celebrate my change of meds and new lease of alcohol life!) and a girly daytrip to france (hello monsieur francais foooood!) ... and thats not to mention the boy coming home from LA!! 

wowzers... 

i think its gonna be a fun week! 

:p