Im back in sunny England guys! which i would just like to say is FAR sunnier and warmer than it was in France!! We were soooo optimistic for our day-trip. we packed bikinis, towels, suncream... the works! But alas, it was grey and drizzly rain all day. Boooo!
Not that it mattered tho....
cos when us girls are together - we ALWAYS have a laugh!
come rain or shine
It was so nice to get out of the UK and have fun and be silly and not worry about people seeing or hearing us - they dont understand!! So we just let go and had a great time! Four "responsible" teachers away from that responsibility and let loose in France, sounds like a recipe for chaos!!! Its lucky we were only there for the day... haha, we might have got ourselves into trouble!! All i can say is -look out brighton! Cos we're visiting you next and we're staying the night!! hahahaha :p
Anyways. a full on day, from the 5am wakeup to the gone-midnight bedtime. We didnt actually DO much, i mean most of it was spent in the car and in cafes/shops... But we were still exhausted when we got home!
5am is NOT my happy time
I enjoyed the challenge of a "full-day" cos it meant that i had to tackle alot of my "routines" Plus there was no way i could "sneakily be ED-driven"... Cos i was with my friends all the time and that meant i didnt feel like i was being "less active" than them, cos i was with them 24/7... i KNEW they werent doing exercise or whatever to compensate for eating. It was like i got a sneak-peek into normality... and what normal people eat.
Because eat - WE DID!!!! i know it sounds weird, but i had been looking forwards to seeing what my friends really ate 'in a day'... cos i know you can never compare in day-to-day life, cos you dont see everything they eat. but on that day - i did! and my god, it opened my eyes to how different i am with my food and eating habits. I can definitely see areas to work on now!
First up: we all met at my friends house just before 6am - and im preeeeetty sure nobody had done any "stretches" or "exercises" before then (besides getting up out of bed and showering etc of course :p)
We got in the car and drove the first part of our journey before stopping at mcdonalds to get breakfast... I brought some cereal bars and fruit for mine - cos there isnt really anything meat&dairyfree at maccyDs - but my friends all got egg mcmuffins and hash browns with either OJ or a smoothie. No fuss - they just wolfed it down. In fact my friend commented on how she would gladly eat maccy Ds breakfast everyday :p
So, naturally - i was like "WHOAA, thats alot of food! Surely they wont be hungry for ages".... umm, nope! when we got to the eurotunnel, one friend opened up her "choc bar stash" for some reeces pieces, and another cracked open a tub of pringles... yup. they still had space to eat.
I was amazed.
so amazed that i had a snack too...
:)
Then when we got across to france we headed to a little seaside town to look about there, i obvs wasnt hungry cos id had more than i usually would on less activity.... but we still stopped and had a drink cos it was raining and we wanted to make a plan.
Literally, within an hour - my friends were talking about "finding a lunch spot"... and they werent thinking quick snacky sandwich - ohhhh no! they wanted the full french experience! so we went to a cafe-restaurant and while i ordered a lame-old salad (i was seriously still full, i wanted to get something but i wasnt gonna spend £10 on a full meal, like them!) But they had tagliatelle carbonara, with EXTRA sauce AND bread on the side.... mad right?!?! nope - just normal!!! They were stuffed, but they still ate it cos it was so good. And no guilt, besides the odd "oof - i feel so bloated now, im having a food baby..." type comments. it was amazing to me to see this... i honestly thought that if people went for a big meal, then they must be restricting or compensating elsewhere.
grubs up
But after our trip to the shopping centre and general moseying about, we headed back to the eurotunnel to get our train home... not before having our "light" dinner. cos they said they probs wouldnt want a big dinner after the lunch, but its not like they had nothing! they pulled out shop bought sandwiches, packet of crisps or choc bar and one friend had the massice chocolate croissant that she'd bought in the patisserie as her "pudding"... so more than id have any day!!!
and this was ALL IN A DAY!!!! it was sooo refreshing to see that normal people EAT. its not my imagination, its not a big conspiracy making me feel like i need to eat less to be "okay"... its just food. being enjoyed and being used up to fuel your body and live a happy healthy life. DAMN YOU ED!!! why did i let you trick me into thinking that food was bad, a guilty thing to feel bad about and to avoid at all costs?? there is so much pleasure to be had in eating and sharing and enjoying food.... and i dont want to be the sad, sick girl that i have been for so long ANYMORE. in fact... im pretty damn sure i want a divorce from my ED!!!
happy campers :)
So onwards and upwards goes my battle with recovery. its still a fight. but each time something like this happens - i chip away a little more at the wall dividing me and my future happiness. And with every chip, a piece of the wall falls and it becomes easy to pull more of it down.... This wall is gonna be OBLITERATED if i can have my way!
Today i slept alot - annoyingly i had some nasty stomach issues last night, probs after some of the foods yesterday. but i STILL made myself eat what i could! I met my friend in the park and we sat messing about doing hairstyles and being silly... it was like i was alive again. i wasnt worrying about exercise and food - i ate a little when i felt i could, but i didnt feel bad for that! So im resting up now and then tomo we are going to REALLY give my ED something to be scared about.... by going for a proper meal out for lunch. we're thinking either nandos or kfc or something similar - ie SCARY! And you better believe that im NOT gonna deny myself the "fries on the side" :p
So basically - its High Fives for the new clem :) cos i think i might just be starting to get abit of my old "ballsy" self back!! YIPEEE!!! xx
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