rain/sun/rain/sun.....

Whats it gonna be Britain?!

Ive gotta say, this weather is really starting to blow... i have no idea what to expect from one day to the next... thursday was lovely and sunny and then yesterday it just poured with rain ALL DAY :( 

Today is looking promising, its warm(ish!) and the sun is shining through my window. But then the forecast says heavy rain later..... GAH! i feel like i should just run outside in my pj's and soak up any potential sunlight just in case it starts to rain later and i cant go out!

Seriously tho, this not knowing screws with my ED too, cos if its a straight up nice day - im happy to take the dog out for a stroll and just enjoy the weather and feel calm and peaceful. BUT if its nice now and it rains later, i feel bad for not going out while it was sunny, y'know? And then i feel like i should still drag myself out later, even if i dont really want to. Like i did yesterday... 

The roomie had a doctors appt at 9am, so she walked all the way there and back (which is like a good 5miles)  so when she got back i felt bad cos id barely made it downstairs by then. I felt like i shud make up for that by doing something... but it started raining and raining and raining and so i didnt WANT to go out. But i did anyway, cos i felt frustrated having been indoors all day. 

I dont know if thats cos i was just stuffy being inside or cos i felt guilty for not matching her in activity - or both. Its so confusing....

I wish i could just start a day without thinking "how am i going to get a walk in today"... its such a pain to always be thinking about exercise and calories and activity. Normal people dont stress about these things! how do i make it go away, just by eating more? Or do i need to cut out all activity to prove my ED thoughts wrong? What if i DO freak out? what if my body goes to crap... i feel like if the nhs guidelines say i shud do it, then i would be WRONG and BAD not to :( 

i know its totally disordered but i cant seem to clear that paranoia from my head. hopefully the hypnotherapy will help, GOD i hope it helps... im so sick of this now :s I just want to wake up and go about my day, instead of always trying to plan my day around how active i can be.... 

ANYways. i dont have much planned for today, which sucks cos im currently hiding out in my room from my roomie and her girlfriend (yes, she's come down AGAIN - despite me telling the roomie that my mum was home this weekend and wanted abit of space to do her work) But oh nooo, she "forgot" and then her gf had "already bought her ticket".... yeah, whatever trevor. So up she rocked lastnight, all "look at me, im so great. ha ha ha" as usual. MAN she does my head in. She's already taken over the house, making a mess and leaving her stuff everywhere. Now she's making breakfast downstairs and generally being big and loud and annoying... and typical. 

I really wish i could be anywhere but here right now...

Still, luckily the mothership is gonna be home from London in abit and ive told her that she doesnt need to be polite with this girl - cos its OUR house and not the roomies or her girlfriends! This girl goes on and on about how she can make "anyone" like her (well, obvs not love!) and how mums always think she's great... Well, we'll see! The mumatron already finds her abit annoying and ive said that she is perfectly free to let loose, this girl is nothing to do with me and so its no skin off my nose! hopefully she wont hold back... the mothership can be abit dim sometimes, but when she doesnt like someone, she can be FIERCE!!! :p

So the roomie said they would be out all day, but since they havent got out of their pjs yet, thats unlikely... plus she said they'd go out tonight so we had space but now the gf was saying how she had a whole big dinner "planned for the roomie".... hello, this ISNT YOUR HOUSE!!!! you cant just take over the place and force people to hide in their rooms, its not fair!!!

GAH, ok rant over. im sorry! it just really gets my back up when people presume to do whatever the hell they like without respecting other peoples space and plans. im always sooo polite in other peoples houses, so i just dont get it!

 that shit be cray. 

Right, well im gonna get dressed and then prepare for mumfaces return. Im looking forwards to having her and the poochums back, ive missed them!!!

Who knows what today will bring.... 

im just gonna try and switch off my brain and play it as it comes! 

:) 

Anyone have any exciting weekend plans? 

Its my last weekend off before heading back to school, so i feel like i SHOULD be doing something fun.... but to be honest, theres nothing to do! Im almost glad to be going back to work, i need to get back into a routine! Yeah, its nice to have a break, but all this time off makes me borrrred!!!