tuesday? whoseday?

Sadly today the weather took a turn for the cold-some, in fact when i looked out of the window this morning i was greeted by a cold, damp sight. the dreaded RAAAAAAIN!!! 

Luckily it had stopped, but i went to work armed with my trusty brolly, just in case! If you live in the UK, you'll know that between the months of september and may you pretty much ALWAYS have to carry an umbrella (so that leaves a paltry 3months MAX that you are safe... but even then, you never know!)

Ok ill just say now... I know i blab on about the weather alot, im sorry! its not very interesting is it?!? I guess my days always kindof start off with thinking of the weather, it helps me figure out what to wear etc. and thats important... cos im trying really hard to make a concerted effort with my clothes lately.

cos i have a confession to make... 

im kindof silly when it comes to clothes.

I have a wardrobe JAM-freaking-PACKED with gorgeous clothes... vintage one-offs that the mothership has found for me, classic pieces that ive picked up here and there, dresses GALORE (i love me a dress :-p) just generally some damn fine pieces of clothery.

But despite having unbridled access to all these lovely things, for some unknown and highly irritating reason, i can never bring myself to wear them. Granted, i have clothes that dont fit me at the moment, clothes from before i got sick that i keep for when i fit them again... but i also have clothes that ive bought for "when im better" but then have never worn cos i havent gained enough weight (physically) to fit them... which as you can imagine, is VERY annoying (not to mention makes me feel guilty as hell, cos i could wear them if i just put on some goddam weight :-s) 

But thats not the only reason... Cos I also have nice things that i do want to wear but dont let myself. I suffer from this weird guilt complex which means i dont think im "good enough" to wear or have nice things... I feel like i will tarnish them or they will get dirty or ruined or something bad will happen and i will muck them up. 

Sounds crazy right??? Does anyone else suffer from this??? Cos im mean they are JUST CLOTHES!!! I know in my mind they can be washed if they get dirty, they can be repaired if they rip (my mum fixes damaged vintage pieces from the 1920's for gods sake, im sure she could patch up a topshop dress if needs be!!!) They are not so fragile that they need to be kept in a glass container... but yet i STILL don tallow myself to wear the nicer things, i chose instead to wear "old favourites" that i dont mind what happens to them. Part of me says this IS sensible, cos as a teacher, my clothes are subject to a fair amount of wear and tear. but still... there's no reason to have all theses lovely things that i dont wear. its not practical and its a waste of money! (especially since i cant quite stop myself from continuing to buy clothes when i see them!)

So operation "WEAR YOUR WARDROBE" has been in session for a few weeks now. When i was in America, i realised that possesions are not to be put on a pedestal. if you have something nice, USE IT! WEAR IT! possesions are there to be appreciated, by you and by others... they shouldnt be hidden away. I deserve to enjoy fashion, its not a bad thing! I am lucky enough to come from a very fashion orientated family and i dont want to be the one afraid to shine out, so SCREW IT! its time those beauties got the chance to get shown to the world!!! It also didnt hurt that when i was in the US, i had limited outfits. i only thought id be there for two weeks so naturally i had to do some shopping :-p But wearing the same stuff, it made me wish i had access to my wardrobe so that i could wear some of the things i WANTED to wear!!! now that im back and i can, im gonna try to stop being a silly sausage and start enjoying fashion again...

Its going well so far, but it certainly helps having some nice weather... this weekend was the perfect opportunity to do several outfit changes! saturday day, saturday night, sunday day (i was proud that i made myself wear a different outfit instead of "recycling" saturdays) and although its harder to create new and suitable outfits to work... ive been making sure i switch it up at least a little bit everyday. Adding some jewellery or a different bag or something... Just taking time to think about what im gonna wear instead of throwing on something last minute... Its nice! if only just for my child-like excitement! I find that if i slip into a routine of wearing the same old stuff and not caring what i look like, i feel less willing to focus on the positives and recovery efforts slide... When i take a pride in how i look, it therefore reflects in how i feel. If i have a nice outfit on... i feel perkier and more upbeat for the day, which in turn kicks me into gear to eat more and get fully better so i can wear all the things i want to again! (cos seriously... i hate how my life revolves around this goddam stupid ED... im sooo bored of it!) The more i focus on things that make me upbeat and happy the less i worry about ED things and thats gotta be a good thing!!!

Anyways, here is what i wore today: 

It was abit chilly and i had to have a meeting so i went for smart stripes :-) im a sailor girl at heart... i have SO much stripy stuff!!!

Fingers crossed for some more warm weather, im not ready to give in to winter JUST yet!