social butterfly

Phews, it has been quite the weekend already!!

Since ive decided to live my life in a more positive upward thinking way, i have been grabbing opportunities to have fun and ignore the little nagging anorexic voices.... its been going pretty well i'd say!!

After work on Friday, a few of us from work decided to go to the pub across the road to sit in the pub garden... it was such a gorgeous day that it seemed criminal not to make the most of it! Especially since there are a fair few newby teachers joining this year, so alot more young'uns! 

I was only planning on going for one drink then getting home, cos it had been a full-on week... but i was having such a nice time chatting and just generall hanging out, that i stayed way later than i planned... when i DID get off, i was pleased with myself. i hadnt given into a "set" time, instead i just did what felt good.... point to MEEE!!!

Roll onto saturday, when i had made plans to hang out with the boy (we are just friends now, but i had pre-conceptions... since i came back from the US he has been texting loads and giving me those "i want more vibes".... so obvs, i was nervous cos i DONT want to get back with him, i WANT to stay friends... hmm, tricky)

Well, when i stopped doing my daily stretches and abs stuff in america, i reassured myself in knowing that there was a yoga class on sat mornings and a pilates class on thurs nights... i had planned to go to these in order to "keep my body toned". clever right? WRONG. pure ED thoughts. and just another way of controlling things. so since i was busy on thursday night and couldnt be arsed (i saw that one coming, im not really an "exercise at night gal") well i decided that since it was a saturday and id worked hard all week, i truly needed a lie-in. no yoga class was gonna drag me outta bed at 9am. PAH! so i slept in and felt good about the fact that i took control. I dont NEED to do any silly yoga classes to stay "toned", im fine doing nothing, thankyou very much. i am trying to GAIN weight after all!! So no yoga, instead a very late morning after deciding that i DO deserve to look nice and pretty and since it was another beautiful sunny day, i would wear a nice sun-dress and jewellry and therefore spent hours being girly and trying everything on in order to come to a final decision :p

FINALLY instead of walking all the way to meet the boy, i said why didnt he get dropped off here by our mutual best friend, so we could hang out abit and do my american gifting sesh. how could they refuse!? After that me and the boy wandered into town, got some lunch and magazines and did what we do best... sitting in the park in the sunshine discussing the latest celeb gossip. PERFECTION!!!! at about 6pm, we headed to the pub and met up with our friend... also bumping into a fair few others (everyone was making the most of the beergarden sunshine) And the night commenced... again, i wasnt planning on staying out but i DID! i as having a nice time and altho the night did start to lag abit by 10pm, it was still good to be out :-)

I came home not toooooo late and after eating THREE of my yummers american cereal bars, i hopped into bed and slept like a baby! Awwww!

Now im awake (strangely early!!) so its a day of catching up with work (sitting in the park probs, its the last day of hot weather for a while they say... rain tomo :-s) doing laundry and then most likely a supermarket stock up before the mumatron gets home tomo. not a bad way to spend a lazy sunday :-) 

I feel like my first weekend home has been a success! Usually i find weekends such a struggle... and yes, i did find myself wanting to walk more yesterday cos we were out and about. but that just means that since im not really doing much TODAY, i have to take it easy... make myself get back to that sedentary target. i know i will never be able to be a sit-still-all-day kindof person, but no pointless power-walking missions.... thats my aim. I AM proud that i made us go and get lunch yesterday tho. cos i wasnt massively hungry, but i knew that if i was going to stay out drinking, theres no way id be able to last without more food! The only bugbear is that the boy bought a sandwich and didnt eat it... he didnt eat any of the "treats" i brought back from american (whereas our mutual bestie cracked open the charleston chews for the obligatory "taste-test") which means apart from beer, the boy ate NOTHING all day :-( i know this isnt my problem, but it makes it hard for me to feel ok about eating.... plus he's a skinny minny anyways and he keeps saying how he's been doing soooo much running lately. Its not that i think he's got any ED habits (his sister was anorexic/bulimic too, so he knows how horrible it can be) but its just not helpful for me... plus he is still so down about life and his situation and he gets all wallowing and self-pitying and i cant STAND IT. its nasty to say, but its a very unnatractive quality (note to self... must NOT do it!!!) But its true. you dont wanna be around someone who is dragging everything down with negativity... i know he doesnt mean it and ive come SO far since america, i AM in a positive place and i want to smile and dance and laugh.... i CAN ignore it. but i dont like it. and i dont really want to have any potential triggers around.... is that selfish of me????

Oh dear... MORE drama!!!!