Happy sports relief day all you british blog-readers!
Altho, if im perfectly honest, i doubt i'd even KNOW about it if i didnt work in a school :-p
Buuuut since i do and we LOVE to support them do-gooding charideee's! this afternoon we all walked up the road to the big playing fields and did a little sponsored run/walk/crawl/skip.... yup, you name it... someone did it for a mile!! we had a boy dressed as a banana and someone came with a comedy horse, not to mention a fair few 2-8 legged racers, all gaffa-taped up... bless them! they really got into the spirit of things and fingers crossed we will have raised a fair bit of dollar for a good cause :-)
Personally i was MOST happy cos it meant my last afternoon at work (i start OP on monday, eek!) was spent laying in a field in the sunshine, watching my pupils run. Sometimes, being a teacher aint so bad!!!
ill take laying in a field over an afternoon of lessons, anyday!!
So a pretty sweet way to end the term for me. Granted they all have another week to go, but it was a good day and everyone was smiling by the end (even if they were panting and red-faced too!)
Speaking of last days... YESTERDAY i went for my assessment at the ED unit in preparation for my joing the programme on monday. Well, it was abit nerve-wracking. but i was also pretty excited... i mean this is a chance to finally get myself better. I know its gonna be hard work, but i have the opportunity and the support to get past the barriers that have been blocking my recovery for so long, namely the compulsion to walk and stretch obsessively and the fear of trying new foods, in particular those ones that made me ill way back when this all kicked off.
I got weighed (ironically im pretty much bang on the same weight i was when i discharged myself from them last time. Booo! i mean thats GOOD cos i havent lost anything, but i left in such high hopes that i could "do it maself, yo" that it was kindof lame to come back and say, umm. help?! haha. im not proud tho... ill admit that i need help when i need it, theres no shame in that! I also got a chance to go through what the programme will entail, we are basically stuck in there ALL day! my needing to be active and moving about (ED related) is gonna go mad! Ive always been bad at sitting still even when i was a kid, i have a very short attention span and the tiny room with "a few books" is soooo not gonna keep me distracted! hopefully the other people on the programme will be nice and ill be able to make some friends to help pass the time :-)
Im also quite looking forwards to having the pressure off me, i mean i love my job and its part of my character to be organised and stuff. but i always feel like i have to be responsible and in control, and sometimes that makes me feel like a fun-sucker. i dont remember the last time i just had fun... like naughty, schoolkid fun! im always the one being in charge, i wanna be the rebel again! be silly, be funny, have to follow other peoples rules instead of my own silly ED ones... ahh its gonna be a change thats for sure! but a change for the good, i hope....
Anyways, i wont bore you on that too much, cos i dont really know what it will be like until i GET there. I have to arrive at 8:45 on monday morning, cos we have breakfast there. So i wont be having usual "carefully prepared" porridge with huge amounts of fruit then!!! its a scary thought, but i genuinely WANT to try other things, it just my silly head that keeps me bound in routine....
how can something so pretty be so scary?!
Then its basically, groups, morning snack, more groups and a short break, lunch, MORE groups and an afternoon snack and then dinner prep (we make a sandwich to take home?!? weird... i think its cos we have a hot meal at lunch? i dont know if we all have to do this, id rather just have a normal meal at home!! but we'll see...) then at 4pm, its hometime!!! I spoke to my therapist and my mum (she came to the assessment too) and we agreed that i could still have my allowed 30mins walk as long as it STAYS 30mins (cos i wasnt exactly doing that recently. im active at work and then i tend to walk about in the day aswell as the half hour walk home... bad i know) but the good thing is that i will get an idea of just how active i really AM at work. i mean, i never count it, but i walk around lots, carrying books, up and down stairs... it all adds up. Well not anymore! cos for the next 4 weeks, im sat on my tush all day, till i walk myself home. and i am DETERMINED to stick to it... i dont want to mess up this chance cos i walk off all the good work im doing in the unit. theres just no point.
But as for stretching, im not sure. ive toned it down to every other day, and pilates on the weekend. but i dont know if its silly to keep this up when im part of the programme. should i just quit and then see how i feel about it when i go back to work at the end of the holidays? i know ill be more active when i get back to work anyways, so i dont want to spoil this chance to be as sedentary as possible, cos i am secretly curious as to what my body needs to gain and what it will do without any exercise....
Any advice or pointers would be appreciated! if you've had experience re-feeding with or without exercise, please share stories. im kindof anxious about this one. i just really dont wanna do this wrong!!! what is best in terms of getting back to a healthy and happy (but fit) body??
As for this weekend, im super glad that i wont be sat around the house on my own all weekend, cos then id be freaking out for sure. INSTEAD, im off to the wedding of a family friend! yay!! i love weddings... plus my adopted american parents (the ones i visited on my US trip last summer) are gonna be there so i cant wait to see them! Im going with my sis & the mumatron, but my dad and his gf will be there too, so it may be weird... but you know what, i have bigger stuff to deal with than there petty squabbles right now. Im always piggy in the middle and this time they can sort it out themselves, i want to see everyone and i want them to be happy, but really, i just wanna dress up all girly and most of all... i just wanna dance!
So, here is what i plan on wearing! its supposed to be sunny again, so im vibe-ing some summery styles with simple layering :-)
dress by new look (limited edition)
Jacket by Sonia Rykiel
Have a faboosh weekend everyone!
xx
hello !!!
ReplyDeletei hope it goes well for you in treatment. what BMI are you? I had activity problems aswell. i walked & exercised all day if i could. and i never sat. sitting scared me and gave me anxiety
trying to overcome my sitting & sitting still fear took alot of time and effort
im still quite an active person. but its not an obsessive activity. Yes i do stretch & yes i do go walking/jogging. but my case manager thinks that that's ok along as its not a calorie burning anorexia thing
but i always have to be careful with ny exercise and activity because it can so easily become a problem again.
treatment is hard and its not fun. but its needed and its good that your getting help :) it will do you good.
my advice is to listen to the staff. and to be strong and try new foods. don't sit there and refuse to eat or refuse to Di what they say. that's not going to help. ive also learned that while your in treatment you should open up with the staff let them know what your thinking and how your feeling. it makes iret easier to help you. to get the right help. and it shows strength if you can do that.
bring books or music with you. find a new series to watch to keep you entertained. or if you have a computer with you learn how to use photoshop or something
or write. while i was in treatment i wrote in journals. it helped.
good luck with everything and hope it gets better?!!!