Its singalong time people!!!
I cant quite remember how the rest of it goes, but im pretty sure it gets a whole lot ruder pretty fast, so ill stop there... :-p
As you can tell, im in a joyous mood, filled with good cheer and warmth in my heart....
why, i hear you ask?!?!
well....
Cos its the holidays of course!!!
Not just the, oh yeah its almost xmas, type holidays. but the "SCHAWEEEEEEET!!! school has broken up, my pupils are gone and i am FREE!!" kind :-)
3 weeks of no marking, no detentions, no "stop swinging on your chair".... and plenty of "Ahhhh, i wonder whats on the telly..." hehe. (not to mention a little bit of hello mister sunshine, too! we leave for costa rica on tues, hell to the yeeeeeah!)
So today was fun... last day of term always is am i right?! I could hardly teach a whole load, so we mainly made sure they knew what theyre holiday homework was and then played games! I even threw a little party for my form group at the end of the day. (URGHGHGH the cake)
Speaking of which, i did good on the ED bashing today. It wasnt the best start, i bought my usual sammie and dessert for lunch, even tho ED was screaming that i wasnt doing a full day so i could wait and have something at home later (which i know now NEVER happens, i have distinguished that as an ED voice, its not trying to make me save money by making lunch at home, its trying to make me skip it altogether) So i made sure i had it bought :-) however i ate my dessert first (i do this to make sure i dont chicken out and convince myself im too "full" after) But when i got to the form party, i had a few cookies and some sweets so i genuinly WAS stuffed! i decided to save my sammie for tomo (which probs wasnt the best idea anyway, but i rolled with it)
BUT, when i got home, i read an email from a very inspirational friend of mine :-) and she made me think of all the good things that come from gaining weight and enjoying food... so i damn well went and ate that sandwich!!! and it was tasty good.
Im super stuffed now, but i feel better for doing it. I dont have that nasty empty feeling from
a) not having enough food in my belly and
b) feeling bad for NOT putting enough food in my belly!
baby steps i know...
but STEPS nevertheless
This is actually abit creepy!
I have soooo much to do over the next few days, but i think tomo needs to be dedicated to ME. i want to make sure i dont let being busy work as an excuse for ED to stop me eating and get me into that bad "weekend" routine..... i intend to get up at a decent hour, have breakfast and TRY TRY TRY not to give in to the "exercise loads" and "eat little" urges.
Wish me Luck?!
xxx
sweetie I am so proud of you for eating!!
ReplyDeleteI know it's so terrible when you get so full and bloated after eating but someone once said to me that 'if you're not ready to deal with the GI issues you're not ready to recover' I always repeat this to myself when I feel so full and remember that I need to do this to heal. And trust me the feeling does get better. Even though I still bloat alot after food it does not seem to bother me as much now as It did a while back. I have gained almost all the weight back now and I am so close to my goal and I feel amazing! and so can you!
we can do this my love
xx
YAY! You've finished, bring on the holidays and lots of "what's on tv?" kick back and relaxing :)
ReplyDeleteSounds like you did really well today with the situation given.
A bug bundle of luck is being wished your way from moi.
take care xxx
:) big smile just for you right now!! Food in the belly = happy girls!! Keep eating! Food is yum! I'm off work fir the weekend so I'll try help keeping you on track! I'll mail u back soon. ;) xx
ReplyDeleteAw sweetie I know how much you struggle with lunches so a huge well done. I don'w know how to say this but every time I read your posts it upsets me that you're still battling so much with this illness. I just want to make you better you know? But I can't :( I know you're trying so hard but it's so frustrating for me because I just want you well! Food is so enjoyable and life is too short and I'm learning that. I'm not saying I'm fixed but I've learnt that there are more important things in life than food and weight and I just wish I could pass this magically onto you!
ReplyDeleteBut this is your journey and in the meantime, whilst you are slowly trying to find this reality out, I just want you to know that I'm still here for you whenever you need me. Let's make this weekend a good one hey? You deserve to look after your body and nourish it no matter what you're doing. It is crying out for nutritious food all the time so give it what it deserves. What is the worst that can happen? You gain weight...and that's what you NEED to do and you know that deep down. So nothing bad can happen in reality. Even then it probably won't happen unless you eat a million mince pies or something!! xxxx
Well done with the ED bashing :D things can change hugely from one Christmas to another. I remember two years ago I spent the whole day trying to eat as little as possible, and freaking out horribly. A year later I was completely relaxed about it and eat whatever the heck I wanted. This Christmas holiday might feel a bit like a trial by fire, but think about next year. If you stay in recovery you never need to go through this stage again :)
ReplyDeleteI really hope you enjoy your holiday from work!
I'm so happy for you, girl!
ReplyDeleteGood job, honestly :D
Wish lots and lots of luck, always :D
Jingle bells
ReplyDeleteBatman Smells
Robin layed an egg
The bat mobile lost it's wheel
And joker took ballet.
...that's the version I know! haha
I'm so proud of you for challenging ed at the holiday party! That's so amazing!! You have such determination Clemmy and you are going to beat this once and for all! I'm proud of you for taking time for yourself tomorrow. I understand the difficulties of just relaxing but you DESERVE relaxation! Take some time for you because YOU are important : ).
xxx
Sarah
P.S. I got your e-mail! I will write back tomorrow : )
Well done you should be very proud of yourself for challenging ED. And having food at the party.
ReplyDeleteYou are right, it is baby steps, but those baby steps are infact big steps to such a better life for yourself.
I so love your titles for your blog posts, they never fail to make me smile :)
I hope that you take some time out for yourself, you have worked hard teaching all those kids for a whole term and you definitely deserve some 'ME' time. Make sure that is the top of your to do list missy.
Love Jess xxx