i hate to leave, but i gotta snow....

That was bad right??!?! i dont care tho, cos im off to the french alps!!!

And as pretty much anyone who has been in contact with me lately will know, i am super excited for this trip. i love skiing but havent been for years, so this is a big old treat for me :-)

But to recap on the day so far, my sis has finally headed back to the big city. But not after leaving an ugly taste in the atmosphere of the house. how does she ALWAYS manage to make it into an unpleasant visit.... just before she leaves. its like she makes everyone want her to leave so then she can moan about how unfair everyone treats her. ARGH! anyway, she was niggling at me all lastnight, and then she had a go at mum lastnight. it wasnt pretty. but i was in my room and it wasnt my place to get involved, so i had to leave it.... Anyway, this morning mum sat us both down for a "talk"!!! i knew it was coming cos she'd mentioned that she's been talking to her therapist about family counselling, but still.... awkward! 

I mean, i totally agree - we need help. As a family unit we have some definite issues. My sis is completely dependant on my mum, to the extent that she calls her about 20 times a day and needs to ask her what to wear/eat/say.... crazy. but then mum needs that attention from her and if she witholds it due to a fight or something, she gets relly panicky, and worries why she hasnt called. (time to cut those umbeliical strings methinks!)

NOT that im without my own issues..... no siree!

(obvs the whole ED thing came up again) which fair enough is a big deal at the mo. But its something im trying to address. so its not like im sitting on the fence, not accepting my problems! 

I have been to the doctors,

I have set up a nutritionist appt,

I will get referred to a therapist,

So my steps are in progress. but that doesnt stop sis getting all high and mighty and saying she doesnt need help. She needs it more than any of us, cos she wont admit that she needs help.

Still, mum said we all need to do this on our own, with our own support before joining together for a group session. im all for it! Then maybe we can bring in the dad thing....

Yes, the dad thing. ive gotta say, i was feeling pretty down yest as the realisation dawned on me that my dad actually forgot my bday. He never called or texted on the day, but as the hours ticked by, i figured he was waiting till the afternoon, or the evening, or whenever.... but no. nothing came... The next day, a GROUP text comes thru, wishin us happy easter and get this in brackets!!!!!  happy bday to me. oh.my.god. i couldnt believe it. I texted back and said i had been waiting for his call on the day and it never came, cos i was really cut up about it, and then i waited for the phone call to explain what had happened... i honestly thought there'd be one. So i waited, and waited....And eventually, about 4hrs later. the phone rings.

But there were no excuses, no explanations... he honestly didnt realise he'd done anything wrong! then he started going on about presents and how he was broke and i might have to "chip in" for my present from him, cos id had a "big one" at xmas.... i couldnt believe my ears. i was  G U T T E D.

cos me & my dad are actually really close and i thought that meant something. ever since him & mum got divorced and all that nasty stuff was dragged out, ive been the one who fights his corner. Him and sis dont get on at all (they are very similar in their stubbornness and pride) and he has been upsetting mum alot recently, so she's pulling away. Really, there was only me. his little one... i really thought i meant more to him. I guess not.

Anyway. i wont let it get to me. i told him i was upset by it (and i think mum will drive that one home when she next speaks to him) so thats that. im not saying i wont forgive him, he's my dad, but it might take a while to forget how i felt.....

Onto brighter things, tomo is skiing!!!! we've just booked our skipasses so we can literally get right out there when we arrive. woop woop! im gonna take it easy tho, no offpiste, vertical drop type madness! i know i shudnt really be skiing with my low weight/BMI. but ive wanted to go for ages and im not gonna let this ED screw something else up for me.... I know my body and i wont push it if it cant cope with it... and anyway, im looking forwards to MORE than making up for the exercise with some hearty alpine eats :-)

Hopefully it'll set me on track for a new approach to eating when i get back!

Anyway, im taking my camera, so look out for some panoramic mountain shots and quite possibly a few off me sliding down a hill on my ass! 

Sorry if ive sent you to sleep by now, this has been a longer post that id planned! (guess im getting better at the whole "writing down my feelings" thing!) Hope you've all had a fantastic easter and enjoyed lots of easter choccy goodness :-)

Have a good week and speak soon!

xxx