beautiful insides.

Y'know, like feelings and stuff. As opposed to the mushy intestinal stuff and the blood and the goo and all that....

but im sure you guessed that already, right?!

ive been thinking alot about body image recently. and how it affects me more than i might think... i am currently very unhappy with the way i look on the outside, and i think this has started to reflect my feelings on the inside. I blame my reflection for my inability to go out and have fun, see friends, to meet new people and be carefree and happy. But more importantly than anything else, its stopped me feeling comfortable in myself. The bubbly, confident girl i used to be has been overshadowed and i feel like im standing behind someone really tall and i keep jumping up and down to see past them, but theyre just too tall! (maybe i need a ladder?!) What i want to do, is tap them on the shoulder and say, "excuse me, can i get past...."

So if you get that weird metaphor, maybe you feel or have felt the same? I just need to pluck up the courage to make myself heard.... by my mind AND my body. Cos i cant fix one without fixing the other and Im pretty sure that when i start to physically get better, my mentality will also get better. Its not just about feeding the body, its about feeding the SOUL!!!!

(sorry to get all hippy love on you there!)

So... im glad that after talking to my doc again today, she is referring me to see a specialist ED therapist, who will do an assessment of my situation and talk through what is going on with me before we work out a plan. Im SO happy about this, its daunting, yes... but its what needs to be done :-)

recovery here i come...!