monkeybusiness

How is it already half-way through the weekend?!?

how is it nearly the end of my week long break from work!?!

(god bless half term)

How have i yet again failed to do any work & now have to face the impending last-minute panic?!?

Merrr, i think ill delay the not-so-fun workstuff and have a nice blog update instead. Cos thats being kindof productive right?! i mean, i am AT the computer.... im just getting the creative juices flowing :-p

YUP. convinced maself.....

So, its been a whirlwind week, thats fo sho. but i feel like its been a good one. I always have ups and downs when i have time off, cos it means i actually THINK about stuff... which can be good! (but can be bad :-s) But im trying not to dwell on the negatives anymore, cos the positive me is feeling goooood!

After seeing my dietician on thurs i was full of motivation to get this gain on. and im glad to say... still am!!! im feeling so much more like "dont care" about gaining weight. i know i need to do it, i want to be healthy.. so its like who cares if the scales goes up. No more am i going to let myself be ruled by the scale. cos its hardly 100% accurate anyway is it?! i mean, somedays i poop, somedays i dont... somedays i wear thicker clothing, somedays i dont.... well, you get my drift!!! So the whole panic restricting before a weigh-in is just silly. i want to know my TRUE weight, not the weigh that i dont have cos i havent eaten lunch or whatever, yes it may make me feel better at that moment. but i started toask myself WHY i felt better.

is it cos the number on the scale was less?? not really... i know i dont want to be any lighter. the numbers arent really a factor in this.

is it cos i dont want to be bigger than my last weigh-in?? hmm, possibly. i guess i dont like not knowing where i am with my weight and the unpredictability of it...

Ahhh, so is it about control?? yes! i like to know i still CAN lose weight. i know i have to gain, but i dont like the fact that my body decides whats healthy or not. it feels scary. but this is something i need to get used to.

So yesterday i met up with the boy as planned. We had a really lovely day... im feeling so much more relaxed with him, i still get my grumps and slumps :-p but on the whole im alot more comfortable and therefore alot more fun to be with!!! (altho sometimes i still wonder what the hell he sees in me!) I went and found him in town and i didnt even make sure i had a "walk" before meeting him, i went with it, knowing that we would probs walk about quite a bit anyways... (point to me!)

We mooched about abit and acted silly in fancy dress shops looking for halloween outfits for him. He was heading off to a party that evening with his band and DIDNT have an outfit!!! im a lover of the dressing up, so that was not acceptable in my book :-) especially since he had been such a star and suprised me with a little fancy dress pressie of my own! I had mentioned earlier in the week that i wanted this all-in-one monkey outfit from Primark, as modelled SO beautifully by Emma (you are the cheekiest monkey by far, i wont steal that crown!) And my lovely chappy had gone into his nearest town (we dont have a primark in mine) and GOT ME ONE!!! yipeeeeeee. much excitement ensued and he was a very praised boyo, brownie points flying all over the place :-)

i literally NEVER want to take this off :-)

So anyways, a nice day. but eats wise?!?!? OOOH it was a close call. usually i tend not to like eating in front of him, so i either have small snacks or just wait until i am home... which is SILLY and not possible with my new "im actually gonna eat right" plan! So when i got hungry, i said LETS EAT (cue, big proud smile on his face... cheeeeeeesey!) so we went and got food and took it back to mine for a little feasty. And you know what, i didnt suddenly explode. my stomach didnt even get that bloated... i was fine! and another thing, i was a hellovalot nicer afterwards... who'd a known a hangry me isnt a very nice me!? SHOCKER. clearly i shud have an instruction manual attached to me saying "feed me and ill be friendly again!"

Annoyingly tho, it DID mean that my dinner was all off cos i couldnt for the life of me figure out what to eat. i was stuffed full and not really wanting a proper dinner. just craving fruit (as usual, MAN that stuff is my crack.....) But i knew that this was normal. that my shrunken stomach was just not used to having had more food than usual... i had to eat through it! and i did!!! maybe not with as big of a dinner as id usually have had (as a reward for not eating all day) but it was adequate and i made myself do it. (more points to yours truly!)

I think ive collected a few preliminary points against the ED... but im not about to get cocky and complacent. this is just the beginning, im still only just back on my B mealplan. from monday i need to upp my game onto the ever-frightening 'C' plan :-s

I predict things are gonna get very scary next week....

good thing its halloween!!!

what plans have you got for halloween? any fancy dressers out there?!?

whats been your best or the best fancy dress costume you've seen?

i used to rock the wednesday addams look...

as for the bub, im DESPERATE to try and make her into a scary spider like this one

TOO cute, right?!?!