siblings

Sometimes i REALLY wish i was an only child....

Or i had a brother.....

Or maybe if i just had a sister who didnt treat me like something she scraped off the sole of her shoe.

I never saw this ad, weird cos brantano's is british (i think)

i love it tho...!!!

Last night my sister came back for the weekend. And as soon as i heard about it (on thurs!) i started to feel that knot of anxiety and dread scrunch up in my stomach.... This is not how you should feel when you hear your sibling is coming back to stay, but i do. every time. cos i know exactly how the weekend will play out....

• Silent treatment.
• Ignoring me when i ask her something.
• Giving patronising, one word answers when she DOES answer me.
• Putting me down.
• Scrutising my food/body/life and sneering at it like im disgusting and worthless.
• Aaaaaand then theres the aggressive, shouting fights.

Cos what can i do? I avoid confrontation like its a particularly nasty bout of bubonic plague, but I can only take so much. I am only human! I wont be pushed about and when she gets too much i DO react... its only natural.

But i hate myself for it, cos not only does it really upset my mum.. but its totally futile. she doesnt respond to anything. she just lashes out. its like she wants a chance to pick a fight, cos it releases some of the hate that is inside her... I think she needs serious help, cos it worries me... she is SO aggressive and angry, all the time. Especially with her family, i dont think she shows it with her friends cos she puts on this front and doesnt let them in. But inside her there is an unhappiness that almost seeps from her pores. i would cross the street if i didnt know her, she just radiates negativity.

does anyone else think the bad energy looks abit like maltesers?!

I really wish she would go and seek therapy, cos she must be in so much pain deep down, just bubbling inside her to make her be this way. It sounds harsh, but it certainly dosnt help me, in my somewhat delicate state :-p (sorry that sounds really self-indulgent!!) but recoery is hard enough as it is, but to have the extra stress of her presence and the negativity she puts on me almost always makes me want to resort to ED habits to get away from the anxiety.... plus her triggering behaviours are difficult to ignore (only eating small amounts, no carbs, chewing LOTS gum and tictacs.... oh and the spit chew cereal bundles left in the bin... SO not cute!)

STILL, this is not a rant about my sister. this is about ME. being strong and trying to see what could be me in a couple of years if i dont get my shit together.... i know we arent the same people, but i can SEE what disordered thinking has done to her and its not something i want to be. i dont want to be all alone, angry and full of regrets... if theres one thing that i can take from her, its motivation to get myself back to the person i was. before all this mess in my head took over...

SO! i ignored the comments, i ate more in front of her to prove that i can and that its ok to enjoy tweats! (my bedtime snack of a tasty muffin AND some biccies made her look, and im pretty sure she was "well jell"!!! :-p)

But now i face another dilemma.... christmas.

i hate that christmas is a "dilemma" cos i freakin LOVE it!! i get sooo into the whole decorating and being seasonal thing. but nobody in my family bothers... we havent even had a tree in about 4yrs! :-(

AHHHH! its gets me in the festive mood just looking at it!

Last year we went away for xmas, cos there is no space for the sis to come back here (and it would be a nightmare!) so we go away. I wanted to just stay and go round the boy's for xmas day, but apparently she cant be left to do her own thing.... despite being over 30. riiiight. so we have to do it "all together".

Last year was ok, dont get me wrong i love being able to go away to a hot country during the chillsome months, im not ungrateful (altho my bak manager wasnt too pleased!) cos taking a holiday at the most popular time to travel is holy expensive and it also means that i have to spend 10 days in the company of someone who i find very difficult to be around. It makes recovery very hard for me and despite really trying last year, i still came back MORE stressed and several lbs lighter as a result. Not Good :-(

Anyways, her and mum were up fighting about it lastnight, where to go, what people can afford, etc.. i went to bed. i dont really feel like my opinion counts for much anyways, so i chose to just leave it. i thought i was doing them a favour cos i didnt want to get in a fight.... but even when i try and make life easier, i get shouted at for "not getting involved" and for "making her do all the work".... i cant win!!!

So instead of reacting... ive told myself that if i cant win, then whats the point in taking part?!?! haha. Clearly, Im a lover not a fighter!!!!

(I actually have this on a tee-shirt by the way... cos im cool like that :-p)

How do you deal with negative siblings/people in your life?

Do you think its best to just steer clear and avoid confrontation?

or does that just add fuel to their fire?