age aint nothin but a number

I may be a fully fledged adult person, but sometimes i LOVE being a big kid....

Yesterday the boy came down to visit again and i decided that in order to avoid the usual awkward grumpy me, i planned an adventure.... a task... something to do....

TASK: to find a playground and act like a big kid :-)

it is half term after all!!!! one of the only chances i get take my "responsible" teacher hat off and behave like the silly sausage that i really am!

So off we trotted and guess what we found?!

i conquered the climbing frame...

OH YEAH!!!!

we may or may not have been very strangely looked at as we clambered onto climbing frames that were clearly made for people about half the size of us... but hey, sometimes you've gotta grab those monkey bars and SWING!!!

can you spot the resemblance?!

Im quite glad i didnt bump into anyone i knew from work tho (can you imagine if some of my pupils saw me stuck inside a metal tube?!) but i had a good time... in fact i had a good day all round!! yes i had the initial weirdyness that i get each time we hang out (i think it is just social awkwardness, i get it from being so used to doing my own thing and not wanting people to see me when i was ill... i find it hard to relax until i am comfortable with the person and used to them being around)

I think it def helps that i am seeing the boy more often, a regular at least once a week thing... it means i am getting more relaxed and less anxious (which is good, cos i usually take it out by being a bit stand-offish and sarcastic... not the most fun for him!) but we had another really good chat about it and he said that he is glad that i am opening up about it and he wants to be able to help. Its weird, cos the first half of our dates always make me feel like ive made a mistake, that i dont really want a relationship and that i cant see any future with him and i just want to go home!!! but then by the end, i feel much softer, more comfortable and stuff and we just get into our groove y'know.... its weird how quickly i flip 180! which is why im glad he has stuck by me, cos sometimes i really dont have a clue what i want!!!

note the small child in the background... she really didnt wanna share!

Anyways, today is the first official day of half term and its mighty windy outside, which is making me not want to walk (good thing!!!) i am gonna wrap up cosy and walk the dog to mums shop in town and then i WILL get lunch (half term/holiday restriction is something i always slip up on) the tonight we're driving upto london to go for my cousins bday dinner.... EEK!!! we're going to a restaurant i really like, but yes... im freaked. I dont want to restrict to make me feel better about eating out, i KNOW i need to eat more anyways so im kindof ok with it. but then i have an appt with my dietician on thurs and a weigh-in so my ED is screaming at me to not go "overboard" in case my weight goes up lots. SILLY SILLY SILLY

i wont listen. im trying to convince my mum to drive us home via the new big westfield shopping centre tomo so i am distracted from wanting to burn off the meal. i know my ED will hate me for it, but my body will thank me :-)

Its all progress peeps.... im getting much better at fighting the bad habits, seeing them for what they are but it is DAMN hard to stay consistent. i just have to keep my goals in sight. I am doing this for me, for my future....

I dont need to be a passenger in ED's driving seat anymore, i wanna drive the damn car!!!

Hope you all had a fun weekend!

heres to a week of pushing forward :-)

xxx