HAPPY V DAY!!!
Aaaaand moving on! Cos it is a just another monday after all. Does the world stop for flowers and chocolates?! Sadly no... but hey, maybe im a cynical old fool. I did get a nice homemade card from a pupil. Slightly creepy, but hey, you gotta make the most of what you get once your past 20!!! Sorry im feeling old since my sis's big 30... i know im still only 25, (with the looks of a 15 yr old...) funny story: one of my kids said, miss how old are you? and another said, oh she's young... she's like 8. hello, RANDOM! i guess my moisturiser company shud be pleased! But still, your only as young as you feel, and to be honest, at the moment... i FEEL like an old lady. (damn ED! how does it make it possible to simultaneously look like a little boy and an old lady at the same time?!?! bizarro...)
Anyways, I hope you had a blasty of a weekend and a lovely love-filled day today :-)
Sooo shall we recap to my weekend of sisterly shenanigans?? HA! ok, i'll tip from the top for ya. cos that makes sense... and i could do with SOME sense in this crazy post today! i would apologise, but really you should know me well enough by now to know that "erratic" is how i roll.
Friday started pretty chilled, mum had to get up super early and chip to her portobello fair as per usual. I met her there later in the avo and we headed back to the flat to prepare.... Now i was freaked out abit by this weekend... i knew i would be. Unknown routines, unknown food, different circumstances... I havent stayed up in london for a while now since i stopped working weekends (how the HELL did i manage to do that?!? i must have been a crazy fool :-p) so its slipped from my routine radar... i was worrying about exercising and so i will admit, i walked to the train station... which is pretty far, but not way out considering what i walk everyday. but my ED still didnt like sitting on the train for an hour doing nothing :-(
So my anxiety was already popping ts head up as i went to meet up with my mum, i hate standing around doing nothing and i find it really hard when she is pottering about, loading her stock and mingling and talking to people... its hard cos i am JEALOUS of her relaxed and friendly vibes... cos thats what i used to be like. a peoples person. but just then, all i wanted was to get out of there and get on with the main event. "THE PARTY"...
Which actually was fine! We had to prep the food that mum had brought up, bless her she'd kept it very veggie friendly (my sis is veggie and also has food issues...) So we had mini smoked salmon/cream cheese sandwiches, hoummus/guacamole and carrot & celery dippers (i cut up the carrots HORRIFICALLY! they were all over the place, some were just little stumps, presentation obvs isnt my bag!) There were spring rolls, mini pizzas & sausages glazed in honey&mustard... it was all pretty good stuff. i stuck mostly with the salmon and veggies, but i DID have a spring roll without even checking the cals!!! (dont congratualte me just yet... i found the box later and felt guilty. BOO) But despite all this picking, i dont think ate a whole lot, especially since i had also skipped lunch in my anxious "getting up to london and not knowing what the food at the party was" mood. I always worry that i will eat loads when im out of my comfort zone, but in actual fact i ALWAYS end up eating less... i guess the fear makes me restrict? but this whole weekend was not great. But as soon as i got home, the first thing i did was make a big old pitta pizza for dinner, followed by a big bowl of cereal! So i AM back on track and i realise i have some making up to do....
BUT no therapy this week, so i wont be weighed till next monday. So this week i have a chance to get things back on track and make progress. i see my nutritionist aswell next mon, so i really want to show her that im trying.
Today i managed to get my lunches back up to a sandwich and crisps but the main thing was i added a morning snack! im usually soooo bad at the morning snack, cos im running about getting stuff ready for lessons, sorting out pupils, bags, books.... it just goes out the window. but today i knew that i HAD to have it. cos everytime i tally up my cals at the end of the day, im ALWAYS short. and i dont want to always be stuffng myself before bed, so the am snackeroo is the most obvious place to fill. PLUS its probs not a great idea to go from breakfast at 7:45am to lunch at 1ish, with no food inside me is it?? So that is my first challenge to keep up this week... along with adding a bit more to my lunches, and CUTTING BACK my walking! Cos i know that i always rely on walking to feel better about eating, and im never gonna break that pattern until i see that i will not suddenly balloon if i dont exercise. Now i cant stop totally, cos im still at school this week... but im trying to get accustomed to cutting back cos next week is half term... and lets just say, stay tuned cos theres gonna be some BIG CHANGES happening! My T gave me another chance to do the IP thing, cos ive been badgering him about it, still being in that state of two minds... not knowing if i should or not, especially since the option to go to this place is out after march. But altho i change my mind daily!! i think im gonna try and stick it out at home, do this MY way. for ME. But, if i had been going to IP, i would be gong straight after half term. which makes me think i need to use this half term wisely. im gonna give myself the chance to act out an IP scenario for a week while i dont have the pressures or responsibilities of work... cos i really struggle being focussed on recovery when i have a gazillion and one things to do. But this week is gonna be ED kickass time :-p
Any ideas of how i can implement an IP regime into my day-to day life??
(ive never been so i dont know the drill!)
If you have experience of a recovery programme... day to day, hour to hour! please let me know so i can try and use it to try and make a personalised programme for moi :-)
Also, do any of you struggle to combine recovery and work/school?? How do you cope and what do you do when you have to eat a gaining amount and get anxious about it? I find it SO had to convince myself to eat more when im worrying about having a freakout midway through the working day!!
Thankyou again for all your help and support guys,
you mean the world to me!!
:-)
I think I implemented a recovery routine into my day at home. I stuck to a very regimented routine of meals and snacks with more or less the same amount of calories at each (as I was doing it at home I needed to be strict at first, but I don't count now). I'd be happy to share :P It IS possible, even from very low weights (although obviously medical monitoring is so important) - difficult but possible. Well done for the morning snack :D that was a good step!
ReplyDeletehey love :):) ive never been to ip either so i am not sure. but i guess having more of a strict type schedule and writing things down like plans and menus, and then maek sure someone is watching over you, not like literally but i mean have a support system to help you to keep on track. but you seem to be doing swimingly :P no biggie about the carrots im sure they were nommm xoxox
ReplyDeleteA huge part of IP is structure and schedule. You eat at this time no matter what. You have something to do after.... etc. You know your coping skills ahead of time so you can use them when you need them. eg. frozen orange
ReplyDeleteSo maybe try to set a schedule?