fun as balls...

happy monday party people!

I had a great weekend :-)

I met up with some new friends and i can truly say, that they made me feel so welcome and accepted... it was awesome. One of the things i miss the most about my current situation, is the (lack-of) social life! I got so wrapped up in my ED that i became shy and introverted, a far cry from the happy-go-lucky fun girl i used to be... well yesterday made me see that i can be that person again. I am still the same, my circumstances have just been thrown off kilter abit....

I find it somewhat hard when i go back and hang out with my old friends, the ones who knew me "before"... i feel like im letting them down in that im not my old self. Plus, they are always doing the same old stuff, and not only does that get a bit boring! but it just stands as a reminder of my past in stark comparison to my present.... hanging out with a new group of people made me feel so much more awake!! it wasnt the same old people, talking the same old crap... it was new and fresh and made me look forwards rather than back.

There are so many things i want to do with my life... both in the present (this week!) and in the near future (my bday, this coming summer.....)

It made me see how much i have given up to this illness and how much i stand to gain form recovery!!! its ON people!!! the party is started and im firing up this muthaf*cka!!!!

So target for present: ie THIS week

i need to seriously confront my fears and EAT. my nutritionist had a bit of a stern word when i saw her, she said that i am doing untold damage to myself by staying at this weight and not gaining pronto. She always makes me see things clearer!! So altho she said "hell yeah, 2500!" (altho maybe not quite in those words!) she also said she didnt believe i would do it. (fair do's i havent done it yet, so whats different now?!?!) But not to be negative (HA!) she said to try my best to get close to it and see.... Also i gotta stop the walking.

I saw that one coming!

Truth is, i HAVE cut back!!! being busy and distracted helps BIG time. As does not being at work (i dont have to walk there and back!) Since i broke up for half term on fri, i havent exceeded the 30mins im allowed. I havent really noticed it that much either... (YET!) Being around normal people who dont worry about being overly active was such a breath of fresh air, it allowed me to just "BE"... i relaxed in a way that i havent in ages... and it made me want more! I want to be that normal girl again... who goes out with friends and has a laugh and feels alive. Thats what youth is for, right?! who wants to be a boring old fart before their time?!

And as for food, well im breaking it down for my stupid ass self.... "food tastes good... so eat it and enjoy"

Nuff said.

So hopefully! I will be able to stick with it and move forwards on this path. I am grateful to new friends and their positive influence on me, i just hope they'll still have me, despite my silly flaws!

Plans for the future?? Well thats simple too....

I just wanna be happy. Snooooore, ok truthfully?!?! Yes i want to be happy, but i also wanna go out, get drunk, party and get into trouble... i wanna have fun again!!!

thats ok right??!

cyndi lauper said Girls just wanna have fun!

and im not gonna argue with that

:-)