fake cake bake

Well thankyou all for your muchly needed informative knowledge on baking products, i clearly have alot to learn!! (no need to worry nigella, you're safe for now....)

BUT, in case you were worried... the cake came out just fine :-)

Nothin' fancy... but its the taste that counts!

and to be fair, we were baking on limited ingredients after all!!!

We did find some baking soda by the way, altho i chose not to look at the expiration date!! The neighbours were super grateful, so i didnt think it was worth bringing up that teeny tiny potential mishap! Plus they've left now, so any tummy upsets they might encounter could well be blamed on car sickness.... right?!?!? hehehe.

So today has been abit of a bum day. I really hoped i could get my shizz in check enough to tackle this weekend blip thing that i have going on.... i did so much better last week and im getting myself back on track and regaining some of that lost confidence and motivation! So i fully intend to continue that trend next week, but weekends are just different. i dunno why. its just those two little days that always catch me out. Grr! Still, i did have some productivity, i managed to schedule myself in some reflective "me" time today, i even went to the library and picked up one of those anorexia self help workbooks to keep me focussed. cos sometimes, i feel like one hour of therapy a week just isnt cutting it, cos i inevitably end up just coasting thru the week until its close to the day of my appt and then think... "Oh", its therapy tomo so i better get going...." Which, yeah. is clearly not good enough!!! SO this way ill be able to set myself little tasks and targets to think about during the week. I know the whole never having enough time thing will be a problem. but at least ill be trying and thats what counts people!!!

So this coming week i plan to:

• continue to try and push myself. the little challenges i started last week helped me to expand my feelings of capability, which in turn built up my confidence to think yes, i CAN do this instead of just saying "this is hard..." "i cant do it..."
• TRY to cut back on my walking. this is gonna be a tough one, but i want to see if i can change my usual route so that i cut off 5mins each way, thats a start at least!
• eat back the calories that i DO burn by walking, this way ill have a SET target intake per day, from which i can work on increasing bit by bit, as i feel comfortable.
• try to focus on my negative behaviours, why do i feel guilty? why do i feel undeserving of nice things? i want to try this role reversal thing in my book where i write down my problem and the resulting feelings and then answer it as if i were helping a friend.
• TALK! i need to learn to be more open with my feelings, even just to figure out why i feel the way i do! cos often i get upset, anxious, angry without really knowing why... when i think about it, i realise that it is an irrational feeling. like they say in CBT, feelings are very different from FACTS... so if i feel full or fat or lazy, that does not mean i AM any of these things. i want to retrain my mind to distinguish between these ED feelings and what is the truth.

SO, quite alot to think about!!! Im not gonna go crazy and make myself feel pressured to tick off any boxes... i just want to have some direction, abit of focus to help me get thru the week with increased confidence :-)

Ive been thinking alot about how life really is what you make it...

and they say that "positivity breeds positivity"

So i guess if im thinking good things then surely good things will happen!!!

Saying that tho, i stepped in a dog poo when i walked the poochums earlier... But weirdly, i didnt even get annoyed! Its just karma finally catching up with me for always forgetting to carry a poopy bag!!!!

Have i found inner peace?! (with poo....) who knows!!! maybe i shud start practicing my chanting: UmmmMMMMmmmmmMmMmm... (orange is a soothing buddhist colour apparently) SO, do i sound convincing?!?! Naaah, and anyway it wouldve been a different story if i hadnt been wearing my big tough-girl wellie boots :-p

have a good week lovelies...

and watch out for those pesky dog poo's!!!

xxx