Evening peoples, hope you're having a nice wednesday. Urgh, ive gotta confess... i am muchos tired today.... i blame my alarm clock! yes i was the one to SET IT, but still... 6am and alarmbells chiming in my ear?! thats what i call a rude awakening!

Cos it was my first day back at school (altho without pupils...) we had a training day and oh my gaaaad im not embracing the whole early morning starts. Suddenly my cosy bed seems so appealing in comparison to morning mist and frosty eyelashes! No joke, my eyelashes got little speckles of frost on em! im sure it must've looked oh-so pretty... if i hadnt been swatting at my eyes to try and see of course! Yet another situation where i show myself as the graceful and co-ordinated adult that i am... Hmmmm! :-p

Anyway, yesterday i went to bluewater shopping centre with mum to do a little perusing of the sales... YES i probs shud have been preparing for school (thereby realising only today that i have ALOT to do for tomo's classes, oh crap!) But sometimes youve just gotta indulge in a little retail therapy! It may be sliiightly more expensive than regular therapy (i get that for freeeee!) but yet soooo much more satisfying, am i right?!?!

Anyway, i bought a few little bits n bobs.. after all, my bank account is still recovering from Costa Rica (speaking of which... heres another teaser!)

"Senor Speedy" (dont be fooled, homeboy can run!)

Maybe i shud just continue to put snippets of my holiday bit by bit so as not to put pressure on some BIG EPIC HOLIDAY POST!!! i have left it rather late now... meh, we shall see :-p

So, back to the retail therapy. i ALSO got my bad self a krispy kreme doughnut, YUMZO. whenever we go to bluewater i try to challenge myself to have one.

So many to chooooose :-p

Well, yesterday i was worried cos i have been in such a pickle lately, but i bought them anyway... mum had hers beofre we drove home, but i was just having lunch so i waited.... and waited.... and then i started thinking, SHIT ive left it too late and now im going to freak myself out.

UH-OHHHH :-s

AHA, But dont worry party people, i got home and told myself to stop being silly and enjoy the treat. so i did.

doughnut head...

Ooooh, it was HARD (well actually, it was more soft and squishy!) But i did it and i soldiered on thru the nasty crap that ED gave me for eating something so "bad" and so close to dinnertime too. Yup, they all came out! But what did i do...?! i reminded myself of why i need to eat more doughnuts and then had dinner later, which wasnt SO bad!!! im so hung up on timings and routines that i even if im not hungry i start cooking by 7pm. but tonight i didnt eat till half 8 and it didnt kill me! Altho it meant i went to bed later than planned. but thats ok... (until i had to wake up this morning that is!!! :-p)

I AM still struggling, i wont lie. I am really lacking in self-confidence and motivation. I almost just want to RUN into IP with open arms, shouting CURE ME, CURE ME!!! but i know thats not the answer and i actually wouldn't want to put myself into IP while feeling this vulnerable, cos i think id be doing it for the wrong reasons... not cos i want to get better (i do), but because id want someone to do the work for me. Now that is precisely what i DONT want, i want to be able to do this myself (possibly with some help from IP if necessary) but i want to be able to handle these situations without resorting to my ED coping mechanisms. I want this recovery to be for life, not just for christmas!

So anyway, i am now itching for my Therapy appt on fri to arrive, i REALLY REALLY want to talk to my T about how ive been feeling and (not) coping and see what he says. I feel like i need to restore my faith in my abilities....

i need someone to tell me that im OKAY.

not perfect! but okay...

Anyway, thats enough babble for one evening i think! Onto other things....

Cooooos, I got tagged by this lovely girly (who im so excited to say is coming over here to*not so* sunny england soon, cant wait to meet her :-) woop woop, blogger meetup!!!)

Anyway, here are some of the Qns...

Four Words/Phrases I Use Too Much

1). Riiight. I say this all the time, waaaay too much! especially at school. Its usually cos im just thinkin things thru in my head and going "riiight" out loud. i keep noticing it but i JUST CANT STOP!!!

2). totes, blates, jell... basically any shortened version of the original word. Its often quite hard to understand what the hell im talking about. I even confuse myself sometimes :-p

3). Ummm. cos who DOESNT say this?!

4). last but not least... What?.. i say this alot. mainly cos im usually distracted and not listening. OOPS shouldnt have admitted that!! its not that im not interested in whats being said, i just have a stupidly short attention span, OOH a bird, looky look....... (see?!)

Four of My Passions

1). Teaching. And i get PAID to do it!!! schweeeeet :-)

2). Cooking... Ive always been interested in good food and good cooking, my mum was a firm believer in making meals from scratch and using fresh produce. But since my ED i have been much more aware of nutrition and health. Yes this has been a struggle for me, cos i know HOW to eat healthily,but i still struggle to do so without the input of a rather unwelcome ED guest. This is something to work on for 2011...

3). Art... Well im an Art teacher, so it makes sense!!! But i feel like ive neglected my own practice since becoming a full time teacher, i have so much other stuff to do that sometimes it has to take second place... but i fully intend to get my camera out and get cracking on some new projects soon :-)

4). Music... I love that the right song can totes influence my mood. It can bring up memories, it can get me motivated, it can soothe me when ive had a bad day or it can pump me up for something exciting. I always have music with me and i love discovering new music and developing my tastes. Variety is the spice of life!

Four Things You’d Discover Upon Meeting Me in Person

1). Im taller than you might think... most people dont realise that im nearly 5'8. which is think is small considering my mum is 6foot and my sis is 5"10. im actually the runt in our family!!!

2). I have a very short attention span! I find it very hard to just sit and relax, im naturally a fidgety person... i like to be doing something or planning something. Sometimes i really wish i could just CHILL! but then it makes me the person i am, (altho dont confuse this with getting stuff DONE, i nearly always leave things to the last minute... so what am i DOING all the time?!? God knows... stuff?!?!?)

3). I am addicted to elderflower cordial... I drink it by the gallon. And i dont like it weak, diluting?! thats for wimps... i like the SUGAH :-p

4.) I talk alot of nonsense... Sometimes i just make up random shizz for fun and then wonder why people dont understand what im trying to say. (this goes hand in hand with the abbreviating words to make other words.... confusing, yes. very!)

Four Things I’ve Learned From the Past

1). You cant control the unexpected, learn to embrace change rather than fear it.

2). Smile and the world smiles with you... :-) Its true!! if your a happy person, people will gravitate towards you... like sunflowers to the sun. Miserable people are no fun to be around, sooo Be happy! (and if your not happy, figure out what's making you unhappy and CHANGE it!)

3). Life is too short for regrets... we all make mistakes, but learning from them is a valuable part of being happy with who you are.

4). Be grateful for what you have... cos you never know when it might be taken away from you. (not trying to sound cynical!) but remind yourself of all the little things that you are grateful for and say them out loud...! tell the people you love that you love them, be the person you wanna be, dont be afraid! you only get one shot at life, why waste it!?

Four Favorite Foods

1). Fruit. loves it.

2). Seafood and SUUUSHI

3). Roast Chicken (with LOTS of garlic)

4). Pasta/Pizza/Cookies (but hate that i am still so scared of them!)

Four TV Shows I Love

1). Come Dine with Me (ultimate in comfort TV!)

2). Miranda... she is TOO funny!

3). Cougar Town

4). 90210

Four TV Shows I Loved

1). Hollyoaks (i was obsessed!)

2). The Poddington Peas... "down at the bottom of the garden... amongst the birds and the beees, there live alot of little peeeople, called the poddington peas" even the song rocks! :-)

3). The simpsons... Still do, this show is a classic for young and old

4). Top of the Pops.. Why did it get cancelled, WHY?!?!

Four Things I’m Looking Forward To

1). Summer... I think most british people spend the whole year hoping for summer!

2). Getting my social life back on track... ive missed out on so much. i wanna make up for that!

3). RECOVERY... And all the good things that will come from it :-)

4). Hopefully making 2011 the year that counts... And seeing what will come next, the future can be whatever you make it!

Four People Who are now Tagged! have fun girlies... and be honest!! i could do with some good reading material! :-p

1). Fi

2). Neela

3). Sarah

4.) Jess

Hope you've had a good humpday!

Roll on the weekend i say, i think we've all got a little too used to the relaxation of the holidays... Is anyone else finding that getting back to normal is alot like hard work!?!?! :-)

xxx