and im Still going...!
I know its only the second day of trying to get myself back onto some kindof motivational pattern, but every day counts in this battle for recovery. And im pleased to say, i have NOT given in yet... :-)
Today i increased my morning cereal by an extra spoonful, nothing MAJAH... but a step nonetheless.
I usually prep it the night before so i can literally milk and go in the mornings... urgh, that sounds a little funky doesnt it?! i dont actually MILK and go... altho that could be fun! if somewhat time-consuming (and i dont think a cow/goat/milkable animal would fit into my kitchen and thats completely irrelevant anyway since im dairy intolerant and drink soy... So the milkmaid fantasy wouldnt happen anyway, and quite frankly, even if it were possible, i wouldnt know HOW to milk a soy bean!!!)
Wow...
where did THAT come from?!?!?!
Its clearly "one of those days"..... i better stop before someone stops me :-p
Anyway, back to the point if you can even remember what that was! i prepped my cereal the night before, so when it came to eating it this morning... ED had kindof forgotten that it was more, cos i didnt measure it out then and there. HA, point to me!
Lunchtime was tricky, i had free's in the afternoon so therefore just waiting about doing marking... ED no likey. I had my sandwich and those sneaky little "oh you had crisps yesterday, you did fine... you dont NEED them again today" thoughts crept in. Well not this time mister! This time im choosing ME.... and me is choosing the right path this time :-)
i had 'em. it was ok. i felt abit guilty, but im not gonna be able to face up to this illness until i can start to handle the feeling of guilt when i eat. cos by confronting it, i can start to figure out why the heck its there in the first place!
bring on day 3....!!!
Does anyone have any ideas for new challenges/changes to try and put in place through this week??
PLEASE, give me a shout... Id appreciate any help i can get! I want to be consistent with the ones ive done so far and then add on other little ones as i feel more confident. Nothing too big or scary tho please! im trying to build up bit by bit and increase confidence as i go... ive learnt the hard way about trying to run before i can walk :-p
Grrrr!
Congratulations Clemmy!! You are pushing through and doing what you MUST do to reclaim your life. It feels scary, it may even feel wrong at times but it's aaaall necessary. Your motivation is amazing right now and I'm so proud of you. Keep ripping the upper hand away from ed (I almost wrote keep ripping the upper hand out of ed's hands...but that wouldn't really make sense would it? 0_o lol). The more you fight and the longer you keep it up the easier it will become...new habits will develop and you'll become more comfortable with new foods. You CAN do this. I knooow you can!!
ReplyDeleteAs far as ideas go...this might be really difficult, but maybe try adding something sweet into your day as a treat? For me, I tried recovery without ever having anything that I deemed a "treat" before and it led to relapse. Treats have a place in our lives too...if we want to to be balanced. You could start small and work your way up. Maybe try a different thing each day?
Keep fighting, Clem! I'm so proud of you...I know you can do this!
xxx
Well done you :) I'm afraid I don't have any ideas for little challenges, I did refeeding in a fairly major way because I knew I'd chicken out if I took it too slowly. I increased by a few hundred calories every few days until I was at the amount usually recommended for gaining. I gained absolutely zilch while I was taking things slowly for the first month, and nearly didn't find the guts for the big increase at the end at all. Different things work for different people, and all that!
ReplyDeleteHow are you with fear foods? I didn't actually have any, as such, but adding a teaspoon of oil (then two, then eventually just sloshing the stuff into whatever I'm cooking without measuring, as I do now!) into a pasta sauce was a HUGE deal for me at first, as was starting to eat dessert again. Pick something that you find scary and do it. General rule of recovery is that if you're comfortable, it's probably not getting you anywhere. Sucks, but true!