GODDAMNIT!
why werent they here 4 days ago?!
Oh you guys im getting all twitchy now! tomo is my vital weigh-in and i need to have gained or at the very least maintained last weeks weight in order to avoid being sent to hospital....
the thing is.... i dont know if i have :-(
Not that i havent tried, i have eaten more. but was it enough?? ive been ill with a nasty cold/flu this week, caught from one of my oh-so-lovely students, its been going around school with many teachers calling in sick. Not me tho! I struggled through the pain (and the mountains of tissues!!) and made all my classes :-) but thinking about it now, maybe i should have just stayed home and rested, got myself healthy quicker and then been able to eat more.... cos my problem is: when i get sick, i lose my appetite. ("yeah, yeah... another ED excuse" i might hear you say...) but the thing is, ive actually been close to tears this week, cos i know how important it is that i gain right now. my weight is dangerously low and i cant afford not to have gained, not just to mention the threat of hospitalisation. But i have really struggled... i mean, physically! it was difficult to swallow with my sore, razorblade grating, throat and my glands were swollen, so even chewing hurt :-( it did not make for alot of chomping. I tried to be sensible and have hearty soups and lots of mushy cereal with hot milk, cos all i could face was soft liquid type foods, but now that im feeling abit better, i dont know what to do...
Should i just stuff my face and hope for the best???
I dont know if this is such a great plan, cos my specialist told me not to over-do it, just to eat half of what i normally eat on top of my usual intake, cos my body is not used to alot of food yet and i'd probs feel very sick.... but would it make me heavier for the weigh in? is it worth it??
Or...
Do i continue eating abit more than usual, sensibly, as directed and try to explain my situation??
I think this is the better idea, but i dont want her to just dismiss it as an excuse and pack me off to hospital. im so worried she wont take me seriously. I really want to do this and i know that i can. I just wish i hadnt been ill this week, i wish id been able to to do what i wanted to do, which was to try out new things, get my tastebuds working again and experiment with foods that i have shied away from in the past... I know i could have done this regardless, but when your feeling rough, the only thing you want to do is curl up and be safe, not challenge yourself outside of your comfort zone, thats hard enough when you're feeling like you can take on the world!
Anyway, I started to draw out a motivational chart keeping track of my target weightgain each week and setting myself challenges, like 'trying something im scared of' every day and listing the options, so i HAVE to stick to it. no quibbles. Then also a lifestyle challenge at the end of the week, like 'eating out and not checking the menu first' or something....
I think im gonna take it with me tomo, to show her that i am serious about gaining and ive just had an unfortunate delay. I hope she understands that this is not an attempt to back out of gaining the weight, i know ill have to gain it either way, there would be no point in stalling. But ill have to see if she's in a sympathetic mood.
Big Dinner Tonight, Methinks!
Anyway, onto other things... I bought some peanut butter!!! Ive never been a fan of the stuff, but i cant deny its full of good healthy fats and it certainly seems to help ALOT of you lovely people with your gain weight. So ive decided i need to give it another chance... maybe mix it up with something so i dont get overpowered by the smell/texture!
Anyone have any ideas to make pb appetising to a lifelong hater?!
I need some inspiration!!
Also in the shopping trolley went some dairy free cheese stuff! ive been worrying about my calcium intake what with the big bad bone density scan tomo, so i picked this stuff up... it looks abit like cottage cheese!? Im lost as to what to do with it, so if anyone has any good cottage cheese recipes that i could use, id appreciate that GREATLY!!!
What do you do with your cottage cheese?
Do you like it sweet or savoury?!
Happy thursday everyone! and keep your fingers crossed for me tomo. i think im gonna need it. Bone Scans... Vital Weigh-Ins.... its looking to be quite the freaky friday.
bring on the weekend!
xxx
Heya! ill defitnitely b keeping my fingers and toes crossed for u. But ultimately, at the end of the day, it shouldnt matter what the nurse thinks, as long as u can say with an honest heart that you are acitvely on the way to recovery, your opinion is what matters.
ReplyDeleteI recommend slow and steady to win the race. I can relate to the "stuff my face to get it over with" idea, but that wouldnt do much good and is quite black and white extremist thinkin, and recovery needs to be about the grey, moderation area.
I hope things work out and yooure feeling better soon so that u can tackle your food list!
xoxoxo
Good luck for today! I suppose the sensible eating is probably better, but my dietician just said eat eat and eat what and when you want!
ReplyDeleteI just have the cottage cheese on toast usually, never tried it in anything sweet (although except cheesecake...but that's usually philadelphia)
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