and just in case you were wondering....
...I Gained!!!!
I managed to get my weight up a smidge and saved myself from the dreaded IP :-) ohmyword, i am soooo relieved! This week was super difficult for me, i knew i had to gain and i was ready for that, i mean if i didnt gain at home i would be gaining in a hospital (and from what i hear, thats not a very nice way to gain!!!) So what was the problem?? the problem was my damn weak immune system, deciding to pick up a nasty cold that was going around school, of all the time when feeling ill and loosing my appetite was not needed, it was this week!
But i struggled through, and when my appetite came back on thurs i made a very difficult decision.... should i just stuff my face in the hope of gaining? or shud i plod on slow and steady and hope that my body doesnt let me down?? with the help from some of your wise words, i made the conscious decision to continue as i was, eating sensibly and hope that id made enough of an impact over the course of the week to have gained at least a little bit.
and it worked! i was only up by less than a pound, but thats still UP. and that was enough for now. i explained my tricky week and so i have got an 'extension' so to speak, as in i have to go back on wednesday and show that i am still gaining... so the hospital threat still stands, for now. but i am pleased to say, that over the past couple of days, i feel like something has shifted in my head... ive realised that the more i eat, the less scary it becomes... i dont need to play the numbers game anymore, cos it doesnt define who i am. If i gain abit more than a pound, then thats a step closer to reaching my target, its a good thing, not something to trigger me into restricting! its become alot clearer to me, and im really going to give this next 'at risk' week a proper go. I thought about all the things i would miss out on if i was sent to hospital, and it just seems like such a waste!
Anyway, i am heading upto london in a bit to see Sex And The City 2 with my mum and sis...
i cannot wait!!
Then we're going out for a meal, which should fit in nicely with my new motivational 'go get em tiger' approach to eating!! :-p
I find it hard eating with my sis, cos of her history with ED and the way she reacts to my eating and weight at the moment. I know its not easy for her, but her constant scrutiny over what i eat, what she eats, and whether i finish every tiny piece'... makes me more nervous than the food itself! I tend to end up not enjoying my meal because im thinking about what she'd going to say and whether another attack is imminent. it takes alot of the fun out of eating out :-(
However, tonight i plan on ordering exactly what i feel like and to hell with her! Im not gonna ruin my evening worrying about what she thinks of my menu choice! its a proper family italian restaurant, so all the food is fresh and healthy... and eating out is normal, so i need to relax and enjoy it!
What are your plans for this bank holiday weekend???
i hear its going to rain. BOO!!
xxx
yayyy!!!! i am so happy for you, doesnt it feel great? u sound in a good mindset, so use it to your advantage. I have a sister with whom i feel odd eating with aswell and it does ruin meals sometimes, but what i think of is this. my life is mine, hers is hers, what i do with mine has no longstanding impact on her life, just like what she does with hers has nothing to do with mine. At the end of the day, you are the only one who is going to be affected by your actions in regards to your ed. You give in, you lose out, you beat it, you win! Its nothing to do with your sister.
ReplyDeleteI am glad u are experiencing a "shift" of sorts, long may it last.
Fi
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Congrats!!! I am seeing Sex and the City 2 today also!
ReplyDeleteWELL DONE!! and yay for the shift in your thinking :) did you manage to enjoy the meal, what did you have?
ReplyDeleteKeep on trucking!
xxx