I have an announcement to make....
after my run of apparent "invincibility" - i have finally succumbed to the germfest of school and picked up the well-known beastie that is...
THE COMMON COLD.
Booooo! it hurrrrts! And annoyingly, i FEEL ok but my nose is simultaneously bunged up AND runny (i cant even figure out how that works) and cos ive been blowing it so much its got all ouchy and i have to put vaseline on it (cos thats a sexy look, no!?!) Not to mention my throat which is all sore and tickly, so i keep having to clear it like some dirty old man with a 50 a day benson habit... Nooo!! i thought id managed to get past all this... its supposed to be spring dammit!!! The only upside is that after a verrrrrrry helpful (if somewhat painful!) massage from my roomie yesterday, my back is feeling abit better. My muscles were SO tight - luckily they are abit looser now, but im still pretty achey.... Gosh, I DUNNO! it would appear that im just a bit of a grumblefest! haha, sorreeeeey :p
Whats most annoying tho, is that tonight was supposed to be my first yoga class and i dont know whether its a good idea to go now.... Not sure if i mentioned it before, but my doctors surgery have started doing a yoga class on a wednesday evening, 6:30-7:30 and i was super excited to join cos its really close to my house and ive been wanting to try doing yoga properly for ages.
Ive done it before, but kindof in a "random class here and there" kinda way. Ive never really committed to a class.... i know there are benefits physically, its good for core strength (which my ED loooooves the sound of) but i also think mentally it might be good for me... Since it IS a form of exercise, but one that is focused around breathing and relaxation and strength, rather than the fast-paced movement and physical burn that i get from my walking.
Its a toughie, cos part of me knows that i want to go cos it makes my ED feel better about cutting out my stretching at home. But then it is in a group environment so its not as compulsive and i do want to get into healthy patterns of exercise, being able to take it slow and focus on how my body feels etc... And yoga is supposed to be advised in anorexia recovery, isnt it??
Part of me doesnt want to go cos i am tired from walking and being busy all day and so by 6:30pm... im ZONKED. Also it messes with my evening routine and being able to make dinner and enjoy eating, i wouldnt have time to eat before and i find it hard to fit everything in if im eating later (not to mention that it freaks me out to try and "adapt" around change) Oh dear...
Its hard cos i DO want to start doing it, i need to challenge myself to new things and new routines... but im worried that maybe im not ready for it yet. Im still very rigid with my evenings. i like to be able to relax in front of the telly and i do eat more at night as its the one time i feel comfortable eating alot - i know that im at home and therefore it doesnt matter if i get a reaction or feel ill, so i go for it! But then i dont want to always be stuck not taking chances cos i like my "safe" rut. GAH!!! its too much for my cold-ridden head to think about right now.
I guess i will probs miss tonight, cos i really dont feel great and i could do with an early night.... but i WILL push myself to start soon. The holidays start in just over a week, so i have no excuse to give it a go and break out of my comfortable routines. Embrace Change! Oh, and pass me the tissues...
I hope you feel better soon and manage to go next time, it sounds as though yoga could be a good thing. I haven't done it for years but used to really enjoy it and would fit it back into my schedule if I could.
ReplyDeleteI think (and by the sound of it, you feel this coming) it is finding excuses for your eating disorder. It will lead to an 'okay if I do this then maybe I can .. '. It's compromising, and you should never compromise with ED. Because if you give a finger he will take an arm
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