take THAT!

Today i kicked some ED ass by having a delicious french crepe....

crepe au sucre? oui merci!

i was determined to have one while im here and today was the day! I nearly chickened out cos we'd had lunch (i dont like eating big lunches anyway) and i wasnt really hungry. but i was so pissed at myself for being a chicken and not having one with my mum yesterday, that i was like SCREEEEEW it. im having one... im glad i did, cos i know i would have backed out otherwise :-)

Now i am suffering a very sore tum, but i could hardly ask for a "non-dairy" crepe! but it was worth it... and even tho i am still having major issues with the fact that my sis is not eating much (she refused point blank to try and help out by ALL of us having a crepe. Cos eve tho mum had one, my ED still hates to be having more than someone else and her having nothing always triggers me....) But ill have to deal with that as best i can until i get home and away from her negative vibe. she said that she did not intend to have ANY cakes/patisserie/baked treats this holiday, or ever so i guess trying to compare is futile anyway... it only leads to bad thoughts.

But my GOD is it hard! espesh when she "pops out" for secret walks on her own and waits for me to order first or "hides" her menu choice so i dont get the lower option than her.... i know she has food issues too that were never fully resolved from her treatment, but surely she must see how hard it is for me??? We had the first full-on fight in the apratment lastnight. she accused me of "taking the piss" out of everyone with my eating. AS IF!!!! i was gobsmacked! did she actually think i was having a good old chuckle about this, stringing everyone along in some warped game?!?!?! this illness is the hardest thing ive ever had to try and fight. i woulndt wish it upon ANYONE.... so as you can imagine, today i am a little sombre.

But hey, tomo is Xmas eve!!!!!

and im determined to enjoy the festivities :-)

In fact... call me a dork, but i actually collected up some big french pine cones from outside our apartment and im gonna get some snow spray and make them all christmassy so i can display something festive on our christmas dinner table. hehehe, im such a big kid!

Anyways, again... sorry im lacking on the pics, they ARE on my camera! but with the dodgy internet and all that, its not really working out very easily.

Happy christmas eve EVE people and speak sooooon :-)

xxx