I finally found the boy a christmas jumper.... It is blue and white and has snowflakes on it. can you say CUUUUTE?! (well, cute but stupid! hahaha. god im mean!)

i will be hunting out this badge for him to wear with pride :-p

Nah, its all in good humour, cos im not ashamed to say i am a MASSIVE lover of festive tacky jumpers. the more ridiculous the better :-) i have a fair few of my own which i like to pull out the bag at this time of the year (i dunno what it is, but they just warm you up in a way regular jumpers dont... it must be the special santa wool or something :-p)

special santa wool... does it come from his beard i wonder?!?!?

WELL, you can imagine my delight when i caught glimpse of this little number! Ahh its safe to say that this has DEFINITELY peaked my interest...

little men made from snow?! WINNER!!!

SOO, ive added this little puppy to top of my wish list!! i told the boy about it and he said he's gonna try and find one for me this week (i am still busy at work till the end of the week...) he is SUCH A STAR!!! what did i do to deserve a nice guy like that? i sure as hell dont do much to keep him... hmm that could be a potential new years resolution. must be nicer to the boy :-p

Anyways, i am feeling very lethargic today, it already feels like i have finished for the holidays, which is a bummer cos i very much still have a week to go! i tell you, getting up on monday morning is gonna be hardcore. PLUS the mumatron has gone away with a friend for a couple of days so im walking in to work again :-s

Its been okay, cos its only really been friday so far (which i normally do anyways while the mama is at her london work) but then its gonna be monday aswell, which is okaaaay i guess. i just dont want to start getting obsessive about walking in again. At the moment, i dont see it as an issue cos its seriously cold as BALLS outside, and im not so into the freezing my tush off walking in at 8am!!! already today ive promised myself to take it easy as im feeling really sluggish... its been a long old term and im starting to feel the effects of long days and extra work. Its tiring stuff, which in turn means a too-tired-to-worry-about-walking me... so far so good! I guess im consoling myself (or my ED) in the fact that i was more active than usual at work yest (walking in & back etc) and i will be again on monday... so i dont have to be so much today or tomo. does that make sense?! im trying to tally it up in my head, like if i walk for 30mins or so usually, then i shouldnt try and walk for double that on the weekends JUST cos im not occupied during the day.... cos that is still my biggest bugbear, that when i have time off and i dont feel like im doing anything, ED tells me im lazy and must exercise....

Anyways, here's a little rundown on today this far.. (ooh exciting stuff, right?! NOT!)

i got up and took the dog out at stupid o'clock this morning... sure it was later than i NORMALLY get up, but i dont usually venture out into the cold with a dog at that hour!! (god knows how the mumatron does it every morning... that woman is made of STEEL i tells ya!)

i managed to only hit the snooze button once before dragging my sorry ass up!! This was about half 8. i proceeded to do my stupid "i know i shouldnt but i still havent kicked the habit" core strength exercises for 20mins before bundling up in a HELLOFALOT of clothes in order to face what looked like a muchos frosty world!

It was kindof worth it!!! i mean it certainly looked purdy. but ohmylord it was colder than a witches 'you know what' :-p Man, i hate it when your face literally feels like it is cracking off with chill. my hands werent too pleased either... i cant win! i bundle up in an absurd amount of layers, yet the cold still seeps into my bones. damn you ED. damn you to HELL!!!! (hmpfh. at least its hot down there :-p)

When i got home, i fed the dog and decided the only thing to do was to crawl back into my bed... it was just too damn cold and i didnt feel like any amount of hot drinks or warm jumpers would do the trick as well as my trusty electric blanket could. So i blasted it up to full power and warmed my little bod up goooood. Ahh yes... the granny in me was very happy :-) i curled up, had a snoozle and read my new xmas chick lit book. it was BLISS!!!!

It did feel nice to laze for a bit, i was pleased that i allowed myself that time to relax... but inevitably, it still makes me feel abit edgy, lying there doing nothing. It reminds me of the bad days when i was sick with M.E, and getting out of bed at all was a struggle... uhh, i dont ever want to feel like that again. it was so horrible... its not something i like to dwell on, cos in hindsight, it probably was the main reason i developed an ED... but its still a memory that resides in there... well, its less of a visual memory, more of a feeling. and not very nice one at that. in fact i was talking about it with the boy last week and i actually couldnt rememeber alot of that time-period. it was weird... it would seem that my brain has blocked it out. which apparently sometimes happens after traumatic events?? bizarro. (not to mention a little scary. Iliterally couldnt remember very much about 2 or so years of my life, just the big events...)

Well anyways, lying about in bed always reminds me of that. And anyway, when your all warm and cosy it makes getting up even harder! so i dont think ill be doing that again tomo :-p i cant anyway, cossssss..... the BOY IS COMING!!!! yipeeeee! something to do with my day :-p Haha. he's practising with the band in london today so he will swing by on his way back tomo to see me... :-)

Anywhoo's, im gonna continue my "trying to take it easy" day... a little bit of tv time, some marking (booooo) and generally getting my head round the upcoming holiday. i still dont know exactly whats happening with the holiday thing, which as you can imagine makes me feel wholly anxious. i cant prepare for the unexpected and that worries me.... but maybe thats a good thing?i mean, i need to realise that the world is a constantly moving, ever-changing forcefield. (say whaaa?! attempt at being sciencey off and away please) i cant plan for everything... there are times when i need to roll with the moment, and i think learning to cope with that will make me alot stronger at handling my ED habits.

Are you a 'planner ahead-er'?

or do you live in the moment??

i used to be 'little miss spontaneous,' but these days it just freaks me out no to know whats going on... its another form of control i guess. i hope that i can get back to my "fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants" ways someday tho :-)

that'd be me... just drifting by with my magical flying pants....

Have a good weekend chickadee's!

xxx