ok. stop. ranting will not solve anything. find inner peace.
do i HAVE inner peace??
ill have to check my manual... i dont think i paid for that add-on :-s
Okay, so first issue straight up. the internet. ohhhhh dear. we arrived late last night (day of general travel malarky, i did ok... stress levels were ok, altho i DID feel a little guilty for eating more when moving less, but i was occupied so it was ok.) moving on. we get to our little apartment, altho i say little... it has a GIGANTIC baloncy terrace thing overlooking the sea, sooo pretty (i will take pics) and a massive tv with sky plus etc... YAYS! (im a sucker for xmas telly :p)
Buuuut. when the sister tries to connect to the internet. the wifi aint workin.... bahahahaha, now im not majorly fussed. but she was FREAKING out. like big style. blah blah blah, im not staying here if theres no interent... whine whine whine. Urhh. its like poison to the ears!
anyways, long story short. we get an ethernet connection, which means we have to sit at this ONE tiny desk space and share connection. cue sister claiming this room as HER room. (it is an office with a fold out sofabed) fine by me, right?! i get the twin room to myself, i was soooo not up for sharing with her anyways! score!!! but now the selfishness hops in. cos if anyone ELSE wants to go and use the internet, then thats "invading her personal space"... go figure. now im only allowed an alloted ooh 15mins on the internet before she starts moaning and bitching up.
GREAT.
so ill keep this brief lovely readers, as i imagine your probs abit tired of the rant brigade right about now!
We went into the nearest town centre today, altho cos the sis was faffing with the interent we left super late and by the time we got there it was past lunch and we couldnt find any still serving. GAH! i got anxious, mum got stressed, the sis got shouty and it all reverted back to the usual "family funtimes". i seriously dont know why i put myself in these situations. im now feeling super anxious. VERY awkward and not at all happy about eating :-(
Im coping, but my sis keeps making her usual snidey comments (so much for her "trying" to help me this holiday... i guess i shud have known better) but now the whole me trying to eat MORE thing is out the window. i feel self-concious asking for more, when she is only ordering a plate of veggies. i feel GUILTY. (altho i did have a big evening snack last night, my clif bar :-) which is abit of a fear one for me... but im glad i did it, i probs wouldnt have the nerve tonight)
Anyways, im trying to get my ass back in the positive mood, but my GOD is it hard with such a negative atmosphere hanging around.... i feel so goddam bad for not being able to do better tho. like im pissed that she is ALREADY making it hard for me. it would be so much easier if she could be pleasant, cos i WANT to be pleasant, and then we could all just get along.... oh well. at least i can console myself that i am tackling some parts of my ED. cos we are super sedentary at the mo! literally walk to the car, get in the car, walk to the shop, walk back to the car. oh yeah, its a challenge alright!!! espesh when we got back and my sis announced she wanted to go for a walk on the beach by herself. GAAAAAH!!! i cant walk, why can she?!?!?! not FAIR, screams the ED. but no. i sat down with my book and thought, if i cant tackl the food, i SHALL tackle the no-excercise. then the food can come when i get home. it WILL be done!!!
there, you see! the positive me finds a way to glean through the black clouds wherever :-)
i just hope it doesnt get squashed by the big grumpy cloud in the other room!!!
Hope you're all having a good start to the week... i will try and post again, but who knows if ill be "allowed"!! :-p hahahaha. either way, ill take pics and update when i get home. ahh, home. HOME SWEET HOME.... man, i miss it already!
Bonsiour mes petits :-)
xxx
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