hotpants and burned knees..

And the latest news today: 

"United Kingdom in 'Relocation Relocation' shocker"

Seriously, im starting to think someone's pushed our little island over to the mediterranean or something, its gorgeous here!!! 

However, this lovely respite from the cold and rain brings with it another sort of problem... summer clothes. ohhhh dear. Yup, its a veritable minefield getting dressed in the morning! 

I hate to go on about this, but one of the hardest parts of recovery i find is the inability to wear nice summer clothes. Not just cos none of the darned things fit, but also cos if you wear anything that shows a hint of your skinny frame, you have to suffer the stares of our lovely(but not-so-subtle) nation looking you up and down like an animal in a zoo.... STOP LOOKING AT ME ALREADY!!!!! i know im thin, i dont need the looks of shock and disgust from passers by to tell me that :-(

Ive taken to wearing my headphones on LOUD so i dont hear any nasty comments behind my back.... i know people dont mean to be nasty, but sometimes all it takes is someone to say, "ohmygod, look how thin she is... do u think she's ill?" to make me want to burst into tears. Dramatic?? yes, maybe a little. But im soooo over looking like this. if there were a special pill that i could take to suddenly be back to normal, id be first in the queue! I was lying out in the garden today and i shouldnt have had a care in the world, but all i could think about was what if the neighbours see me in my bikini?!? they'll think someones put a bikini on a stick! luckily, our neighbours arent the peeping type, one side are old people who probs cant see anyway and the other side have so much junk cluttering up their window i doubt they can see out over the top of it! but seriously tho, i know im new to recovery and ive only just started gaining and am nowhere near a healthy weight (in fact, my team have me firmly still in the 'high-risk' category... so any slip ups and its IP for me) but i really want to know (if just so i dont get my hopes up of wearing hotpants this summer :-p)

How long after starting recovery did it take you to get back to a normal body shape?

Did you go back to the same shape you were before, or have you changed?

Im curious to know, as ive heard alot of people say that they are curvier than they were pre-ED. Ive always been a straight up and down kinda girl, so will i go back to that? Or will my shape be changed by my ED? 

After this week of lazing about and enjoying the sunshine, its gonna be hard to get back into a working mood come monday... "what do you mean its inappropriate to sunbathe in the playground?!?!" sadly its exam week anyway, so it'll be sunbathing out and invigilating in... boo hoo. Still ive had a pretty damn fine week of it, while most other people have been stuck in their offices, hahahaha! Even if the only thing i have to show for it is a few more freckles and pair of burnt knees :-p HOW i managed to burn only my knees is beyond me! 

Anyway, next week is going to be all about change, im going to ask my dietician if i can up my calories to something more substantial, i dont think that ive been gaining a 'real' weight with my flimsy pound here and there... surely considering my low weight, i would have thought that they'd want me eating as much as possible in order to get me out of the 'dangerzone'... but hey, theyre the doctors not me! we'll have to wait and see... Plus finally i get to bend the ear of the lovely Dr Zach, my therapist.... ooh, he's got a treat coming his way. i can talk for britain!!

I think this week is going to be a good one, ive braced myself for another difficult weekend in london with my sis, but i think ill be ok... im ready for it. If things get hard and i find myself unable to deal... i will simply remove myself from the situation, even if i have to hide out in my room all night, my recovery is worth it! I am my own person and her comments mean nothing to me..... she cannot touch me, 

I AM STRONG!

(and apparently, tres cheesy.... who'd have thunk it!!)

Ive gotta say, ive enjoyed having more time to blog and read blogs this week... I find it very therapeutic reading about all the ups and downs of all of your everyday lives. It reminds me that altho we are all individuals and different in so many ways, we are all essentially the same, living our lives and striving for better things....

I read a good quote in a magazine the other day, it was linked to my star-sign, which i thought was quite poignant. It said

"What you do with what you have is proof of what you are..."

a little something to think about :-)

Enjoy the weekend lovelies xxx