better days...

To all you lovelies who reached out to me yest after my (somewhat dramatic) blogpost! i just wanna say a massive, big..... 

Thankyou :-)

I was having a really bad day, it was sh*tty... But your encouraging comments and support helped me pull thru the slump and come out the other side a more positive and determined person than ever. I cant even begin to tell you how much i have come to appreciate all you readers out there who both inspire and motivate me to keep going when things feel tough. 

The fact that i could come on here and vent my mood yesterday and almost immediately get a response from someone giving me words of advice and support is such a big deal for me. I no longer feel alone and isolated in this struggle, i know there are other people out there with the same worries and problems as me and i am not 'weird' for feeling these things.

I can happily say that after this pick-me-up, i went on to challenege myself to a big pasta dinner, which i ate and enjoyed! I have finally realised that the way to beat my ED thoughts is to roll with the opposite of what they tell me! 

Example: Lastnite i felt like having pasta, my body wanted it. But part of me (and you can guess which part!) thought differently, it didnt like the fact that id already had a big carby sandwich for lunch, it didnt think i shud have MORE carbs. but the sensible part of me, the part that actually wants to try new things and get better, said that if i want pasta i shud have pasta. And y'know what.... i listened to that voice! and as i ate my pasta, i felt good!!! Not guilty, not fat, not even particularly bloated. just good. My body had been given what it wanted for the first time in a long time and it was happy, so i was happy. 

Could this be a turning point for me????

I damn well hope so! 

Im not gonna imagine that suddenly i'll be cured and it'll all be an easy downhill ride from here, that would be naive (and a little bit stupid!) but i think ive had a shift in mentality.... Im gonna try listening to my body for a change, try and get that good voice to shout a little louder. 

Cos when i did, it felt good. I felt in control in a totally different way to the ED control, it was more of a teamwork kindof control, like me and my body, working together! (i know that sounds so cheesy, but it had to be said!!!) 

i need to trust myself again...

if i trust my body to tell me what it needs then i can follow that lead

I just hope you guys'll stick around to see me reach my goal, cos when i do... i'll be thanking you again :-)