yodellyhello

Hey yooooou's! who else has got that friday feeling?!?!

lets have a woop-woop for weekends!

WOOPWOOP!!!

(oh, just me then.... ahh, spot the LOOOOOSER)

Wow, that was pretty intense there. i think i need a lie-down :-p

just kidding..... im still here.

OH DEAR, it looks like im having one of my "has someone fed her caffeine?? cos you know shes not allowed it. she has a sensitivity to it y'know, it makes her all hyper & crazy...." days. But hey, im rollin with it.... its fun. and you cant hold a fun girl down!

How are all you lovely people? i hope everyone is having a good end of week. This end of week is more meaningful for me than all the past weekends, COS next week i go back to work! yup, the summer has officially ended (a week later than most schools too i might add!) HA, thumbs up to private school extended holidays :-)

But i am actually feeling really PUMPED (to steal the word from izzys "most impressive use of the word pumped" post!) points to you girl, 5+ times in one post is good work!! :-p

But the word has stuck... it feels RIGHT! i feel like im gearing up for something big... i know alot of people have been talking about that end of summer, "back to school", autumn feeling that you always get at this time of year. but its contagious! im feeling all excited for the change of pace, that wind down into winter... cosy coats and winter warmers. and of course, who could forget CHRISTMAS!!! but im getting ahead of myself again! What i was trying to get at, is that this doesnt just feel like that normal back to school vibe, i feel like im about to embark on a new chapter of me... ive crossed that barrier of not allowing myself to feel anything, of putting myself down and always thinking im no good. that was ED, not me. and im done with it!

Im learning to like myself again!

See, this is kindof a revelation to me. i never stopped to think about how i was hurting myself mentally as well as physically.... i now realise that in order to recover physically, i need to recover the trust and contentment within myself. Food is medecine, sure... but i need more than that, i need a to heal the wounds that are inside me. to heal both mind and body.... and that people, is what im excited about! (well that, and eating alot of warm comforting winter food!) hehe.

Another thing that im hopeful for, is the change that the weather will have on my exercise urges. Somehow i dont think im gonna be as desperate to go out walking when its pouring with rain and freezing cold! so fingers crossed that will be good for me. cos i really struggled this summer with getting that balance... I just felt so removed from normality i didnt know what was normal anymore... so id be asking myself "what do normal people do?" like your average slim build 25 yr old.... what do they do per day? per week? how much do they eat to maintain? All these Qns buzzing around my head like a nest of hornets! Sometimes I wish i could have a guideline day-to-day diary of a normal healthy girl with my stats, so i can see whats what. I wonder why i have these thoughts that tell me i need to do yoga or abs stretch workouts everymorning, cos surely thats not healthy anyway?

AHH, ive gone off on a tangent. im gonna stop there. If anyone HAS any answers to my hornets nest head of questions... please give me your ten cents, i always love to hear your side of things!

Some quickfire things that have happened today.

• took pepper to the park for her "no-walking" walk (i stand and throw the ball) and on ou way back she had a MASSIVE freakout over an old mans zebra print shopping trolley. like a major meltdown. it was soooo funny. the poor guy was quite distressed, i think best stik to plain colours next time grandad!)
• Had adam round for a chat, he's having a hard time. bless him. i wont go into details, but im DEF gonna make more time for him... i let things go after my holiday, i was focusing more on myself. i love our chats, he makes me feel like the old me :-)
• Went to therapy, it was good. i freaking love my therapist, we take the piss out of each other and joke about BLTs... good healthy therapeutic fun (with some serious talk thrown in for good measure :-p)
• Got talking to the (rebel) teenage next door neighbour and his friends. they are too cool for school, literally, they left at 16! but are actually really sweet guys. he's doing up a moped and is SO excited about it. i told him i used to have one and i could see my "cool factor" skip up by about 20 points. i just felt good to have actually spoken to them without just rushing past.... yay to being more sociable.

So there you go. a brief roundup of my day. Till next time mes amies.......

Peace Out & enjoy the weekend :-)

(did i just say peace out?!?! im leaving now!!!)

xxx