Bon Soir mes amies! hope you are all well on this fiiiiiine monday eve!!!
Ive had a very interesting day today, i think its because of my new furry shaped wakeup call.
Now to start things off, let me just say.... i dont have a cat. i used to have about 5 when we lived in the countryside, but now we are in town its just my little poochums who rules the animal roost (i really want a tortoise! but mum says no... plus i think pepper wud say yumyum :-s)
Run tortoise RUN!!!
Anyway, back to the POINT... i do have a tendency to ramble off subject dont i?!?! i think its a teacher trait, my kids always get me chatting about stuff, cos i go off on random tangents... they love it!!! (they think it means they do less work - it doesnt. but i dont let them know that! :-p)
Soooo, my point. oh yes. As my alarm clock (iphone) beeped me a tuneful 6am wakeup call (groaaan) I stumbled into the bathroom as per usual, to hear a strange noise and some clattering in the corner. whats this, i wondered?! is mum hiding in the bathroom with the lights off?!?!?! NOPE, it was next doors CAT!!!! this thing is a giant furry ginger beast, i kid you not! I dont know HOW it had got in, cos the window was almost closed, but im guessing it squeexed thru then couldnt get back out. it was quite bemused! (as was i at this ungodly hour!) But i dutifully scooped it up and shoved it back out the window...
DONT WORRY FELLOW ANIMAL LOVERS!!!
no need to call the RSPCA, there is a roof below the window :-p
But lets just say, the day was started with a bang - or shud that be a miaow?!?!
Anyway, mondays are fundays in my eyes. i have a free first thing so my lessons dont start till breaktime! YEEEE, such a nice change from last year, when i started the week with two of my most difficult groups back to back. not fun... So i pottered off to therapy instead. and guess what,
my good work paid off....
i'd gained!!! :-)
And this time the number going up hasnt freaked me out... its just a number! im gonna pass alot more of those numbers before i get to my goal weight, so why worry?! Ive decided i really need to let go of some of that control i still exert on myself. Altho i am trying to gain, ive realised im still very strict on myself and if im going to get past this and recover properly, i need to try and let go of that. Its not doing me any good trying to gain on a minumum intake... i need to bite the bullet. but how?!?!
Any advice for biting the bullet and letting go of that control?
I really want to be more free and im finding it hard to do that with this rigidity...
Hope you're all enjoying the start of the week
(and here's hoping i dont get another furry wakeup call tomo!)
xxx
your dog is adorable, and pepper is such a cute name. I used to have a turtle when I was younger. I've always liked turtles and I think tortises would be fun to :P sisnce there almost the same. they are so cool and olds looking :) ... anyways, I really like your blog. I have been reading for a while but i don't think I have commented? It is great that you have been able to stay positive about gaining, that in itself is alot of work. I'm trying to do that too. I think the best way to bite the bullet is to remember that you do not have to give up control. You still have control you are just choosing to make decisions that are better for yourself.
ReplyDeletexxx
Emily
i agree with Emily. you actually have MORE control by making good, healthy decisions-- because it's YOU, not the ED with the power.
ReplyDeletehave a great night!
bec xo
AHHH I lovee pugs! I feel like people either love em or hate em (noo!), but I just love their little faces (you must, of course, read Carrots'n Cake - Pug porn, daily!! ;P). I want a puggle so badly...ugh, they are just th CUTEST doggies!!
ReplyDeleteWOOT! Congrats on the gain, love! You're so right, numbers mean nothing. No one looks at a person and sees a number. But they DO see a shining personality and a good heart! Those are the things that matter.
I wish I had wisdom to share about not gaining on the bare minimum - I definately still struggle with that. I do think, though, that if you do it once and prove it to yourself, you can do it again and it becomes less scary. Maybe one day, in the evening, just add a handful of almonds or something yummy. Don't think of it as a number - just some more of something. Then tally it up and wake up the next morning and realize - SHOCK - you haven't gained 48573948573 lbs!
izzyy
xoxox
Hey! Love this post :) I'm so happy that you are getting stronger in body and mind. I think a really good book for you to read would be "Letters to a Young Poet" by Rainer Maria Rilke. It's helped me immensely. Keep strong honey! xx
ReplyDelete