free time

Sure....

But it'll cost ya!

Dont you hate that feeling that you've been running around like a headless chicken ALL day doing errands and tasks and general busy-ness, but then when you sit back at the end of the day, you cant think of a single thing that you have achieved with your time!?!?!

That is what this week has been like! Well actually, scrap that the... that is what yest was like.

The start of the week flew by in a haze of end of term madness, the usual film watching, end of year parties, 'thankyou for teaching me' presents (I GOT MY FIRST -and only- ONE!!!) it was a mug, but hey, im not complaining... someone actually THANKED me for teaching them, thats huge in my books!! :-)

back up... oh yes... yesterday. My first day of freedom, summer holidays, 8weeks of blissful time off work :-p (sorry if i am creating some green eyed monsters right now, but c'mon... us teachers work DAMN hard, we deserve the break!) to be fair i have a truck load of planning to do over the holidays AND i have to go in a completely clean out my art room, so its not all sunbathing and BBQ's, believe me!

So... I plan for a leisurely wakeup, but since my body clock is still set firmly to work time, im

wide awake by 6am, manage to lie in till gone 7:30, but then im up and doing some stretches before hitting the shower and getting dressed. Bloggity blog check and then a supah quick brekkie of fresh fruit because as per usual, ive let myself run late. but today its NOT FOR SCHOOL!!!!! (im still tres excited, apologies... ill try and stop!) but i have my weekly therapy appt and weigh-in.

I was abit nervous as today i was finding out about IP. My T was late (he had just been on the phone to the doctor at the clinic) and he said he had an assessment appt tomo if i wanted to take it. EEEEEK. now i thought that i could go in for an assessment and they would tell me what i would be doing if i were IP and then id decide. but nooo. it would be expected that if i went to the assessment i would be then turning up with bags on monday morning to start treatment. Hmm. not so sure. that wouldnt even give me chance to talk it over with mum! SOOO sensing my hesitation, T said that this was not a necessary step for me. it was purely because i had this time off for holidays. we ummed and ahhed abit and decided that maybe this was not the right step for me to take right now ("lets put it on ice" were his exact words!) so instead we're going to upp our appts to twice a week and push onto the CBT part of therapy, and when i see my nutrionist on mon, i will get a proper, structured MP which i WILL stick to (im going to get my mum involved this time and make sure she makes me follow thru instead of skipping-no half arsed attempts this time around!) Plus i have contacted a local ED group so i can recieve extra support in a different setting to thearpy, with other people who have the same struggles a i do... I think this will help, and hey... if not...

IP will still be there

Rest of the day was pretty standard, but somehow very time consuming!! popped into the topshop to try and exchange a dress (Haha, size 8... too small!! Unfortunatly tho, size 10 sold out... bummer!) Then home (walked the short route back, which was a big step for me as i walked the long way in and i would normally take that same longer route home.... im still coming to terms with the trying to exercise less thing - bear with me!) The afternoon was spent walking the dog and going to the supermarket (strawbs on special offer... 69p!!!)

happpppinesss :-)

I know that my exercise levels were too high when i was at work, not only was i active all day, but i was walking to and from work everyday AND sometimes taking the dog out when i got home.... too much, i know. Now that i dont have the walking to work thing, i am going to cut back alot... my T said that if i were IP i would be mainly sedentary with maybe 1 short walk per day. So i have decided that i am going to start this new attempt as if i had been admitted to hospital. So when i see my nutrionist on monday i will tell her that i want to be eating as if i were IP. plus only taking the dog out for 1 short walk (30 mins max) per day.... I think if i put myself in the mindset of what i would be doing if i were IP, then it will be easier to make myself stick to eating more and exercising less. I think by writing down my days events and trying to think more about why i do and feel the way i do, i can get into the cognitive side of things...

Any advice thoughts on this? I know CBT is alot about stepping back and analysing your actions... So here goes. Do you think i made the right decision by not going IP?? I guess only time will tell, but at least this way i have the chance to do it on my terms... i just have to be strict with myself and not listen to ED, im not gonna let his rules dictate my life anymore.

Sorry this post has been a LONG one, i didnt intend for it to be!!! i always start writing thinking i dont have much to say and that its gonna be a quickie post, then somehow all these words just spill out!!!! when i was younger, my parents use to say i had verbal diarrhoea :-p

... Needless to say, i talked alot...!

Did you have any embarrassing nicknames as a child?!?

No need to be shy peeps, we all had at least ONE!!!

xxx