chick'n pickin'?!

A new day and a new week.....

(i know most people wud say the week started on monday, but my monday was somewhat eaten up with back to back appts. First off nutritionist which went well! i talked thru the first week on my MP, the little slips id expereinced (i was scared she'd be annoyed, but she was totally understanding and said she'd have been surprised if id come in and been all easy breezy about it... THATS when she would have brought out her Big Guns! hehehe. Im not gonna see her till sept now, so we talked thru my upcoming holiday and my need for consistency when im away from the safety of home. all good stuff....!

THEN on to the therapy, which i have stepped up to twice a week now. (much better!) i found i was only touching on things in our sessions cos we always had to get other stuff out of the way 1st, so this gives me a bit more time to discuss stuff and go thru the stuff ive been thinking about during the week. he's also got me doing little "tasks" as part of my CBT. which is good cos im thinking of it like a science experiment... how my body/mind reacts to certain situations and why. this week i have the task of making a 'bad' food into a 'healthy' food and seeing if my ED will still kick up a fuss. for example, if i buy a cake/muffin etc from a shop, im always worried about whats in it, the nasty ingredients that might make me ill, the high fat/calorie content etc... but if i break it down and i know exactly whats gone into it, then it shud (in theory) be less scary. we'll see!!!

Anyway, onto my MP. after a hellish weekend after the garden party (i had some major knock on guilt effects after all the cake aswell as some digestive issues) but basically, i was very down about letting my ED have such an impact on my emotions. i had a GOOD day at the party, why shud it suddenly get spoiled cos of ED's stupid paranoia. GRR.

I managed to get back on track by sunday, but i was still worried about my weigh in on monday cos work was tres busy on sun and i was worried i might've lost... luckily i hadnt, but i hadnt gained either. EXACTLY the same, not a 0. change..... ARGH. this gaining thing is hard.

But this means i have to be so rigid with my plan this week. i must gain by fri (my next appt) so ive been very thorough about making sure my week is as stress-free as possible, very little activity and alot more eating. Which i have tried to plan around activities that will keep me occupied so im not sat thinking about food all day!

On the upside, i found this little treat in the health food shop the other day, so it did nicely for my am snackypoo :-)

Pictured on my mums country living mag...

think that chicken wants a piece!

I like the little climbing man :-)

Other than looking forwards to a restful week, im pretty excited about trying my hand at some baking again! I used to be a proper nigella in the kitchen :-p a bit of this, a bit of that... licking the bowl and being decadent. but then ED started to say i shouldnt be 'tasting' my recipes and eventually the love i had for creating new things dwindled.... SO, bring it on. another chance to piss ED off :-)

SOOO....

does anyone have any tasty (but healthy!) recipes for muffins or cakes???

i dont want anything TOO triggering, as the whole point of the 'experiment' is to try and separate those feelings of fear and restriction.... but any of your suggestions would be muchos appreciated, i know you guys rock at the baking thing, ive seen the pics!!

Im off to (finally) see Twighlight Eclipse today!!! its weird, i feel so much better about going out and doing things now, its such a liberating feeling. Its like ive been given a second chance to start over and bring back the old me, except its not the old me... its a new, more appreciative me.And the more i do it, the better it feels... hehehehehe!!!

(sorry, please ignore me and my poor sense of humour!)

Seriously tho,

im grateful for this 2nd chance, and dont intend to take it for granted :-)

xxx